Having more kids...the decision.
My FDH and I just had our first child together in February. Let me try to fill in the backstory real quick since I know it's hard to remember all these stories on here. FDH raised SD6 as his own her first 4 years, then the real bio dad came back into the picture. FDH had a son with BM too, SS3. We have SS3 half the time. On week days that we have SS3, we still take SD6, but she goes to her bio dad's on the weekends now (since fall). Life has been a lot rougher since we stopped having SD6 as much. She's much mouthier with us, and it makes SS3 do all this bad attention-seeking behavior when she's around. Our house seems like a circus now when we have both of them.
I really feel like one day, SD6 will finally understand everything and will be allowed to make her own decision about coming to our house anymore or not. And I'm assuming she'll choose to stay with BM because BM has no rules/consequences, and at our house SD6 has to actually clean up her messes and she gets in trouble for misbehavior and talking back (at BM's they argue all day long).
It came up this weekend whether we want to have more children. The thing is, my true feelings are that I would like to have one more if we are no longer going to take SD, but if we are going to keep taking her, I don't want any more. But that makes me feel sorta selfish...and like I'm pushing SD out of our lives or giving FDH an ultimatum or something.
But I also don't want to get to the point where SD is 12, SS is 9, and BS is 6-7 and SD finally decides she doesn't want to stay with us anymore, but it's such a huge gap in ages for us to have another child....because I don't want that, either.
The thing is, FDH should really get snipped if we aren't going to have more kids, because we figured out that we're pretty damn fertile (I got pregnant first month off birth control, FDH got BM pregnant 3 times...she aborted once, miscarried once, had SS)! So I'm scared to get pregnant again on accident.
I guess this is just more rambling thoughts than asking for any advice...unless you have some. 
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What does DH want? Does he
What does DH want? Does he want more kids? I am putting off having kids partially because I am still young, but mainly because I know w SS right now we cannot afford another kid. It sucks, and I hate that I have to consider SS when making decisions about having kids, but it is what it is. I think if FDH wants another kid and you want one, you can work it out -even w SD there. Does DH still want SD to come around or are you guys just doing it out of habit? Does it look like her BF will try to stop you guys from seeing her anytime soon?
FDH says if we have a bigger
FDH says if we have a bigger house then he wants another. But if we don't get to that point our house really would never be big enough for another kid! I mean I know we COULD work it out if we had to, it just isn't the best situation right now to have another at this moment.
So obviously there's more to it than just factoring in the skids.
But also, you brought up a good point -- her BF has threatened taking BM to court over visitation. I mean look at it from his point of view -- he's paying BM child support for her but BM doesn't even have her for half the weekdays! I'd be pissed too. So if BF ever comes into some money he will be going to a lawyer to "fix it". FDH doesn't want that to happen because he feels like he was her father for 4 years but because he's not bio that he's going to get the shaft in the situation...get no "credit" for all he did.
--"Make the decision based
--"Make the decision based off of YOUR wants, not what you think is best for the skids. This is your life too."
True, true.
I honestly like the big age
I honestly like the big age gap.. we have SS12, SD13 and BS 16 months. I look at it as SS and SD got all the attention for 12 years and in 6 years or so when skids are grown and gone (I HOPE)BS will only be 7 and get lots of "alone" time with his dad.
And yes, you must not make YOUR life decisions based on what skids/BM might or might not do, think, or say. I laid that law down a long time ago. I refuse to have MY life revolve around the whims of others... after all, they certainly don't make decisions to do the stupid stuff they do with ME in mind!