They say his is PTSD related due to a very abusive childhood, but I don't see it. He doesnt have triggers like that. I love this man so very much, I hurt for him. Now I'm just so lost. He is not in counseling. He hates going, always has. I got him to go twice, but neither time went well. I seriously doubt I could get him to go again. He asked me tonight "what if this is as good as its going to get? What will you do?" I of course told him I am not going anywhere, we will find a good med, I love him, everything will be alright, but in the small horrible little part of my brain I thought, I couldn't live like this forever. Not with him being indifferent to me and ss psycho as can be, why should I even be here?

Thank you all very much. Dtzy, as always, I don't know what I would do without you. I downloaded the books to my nook already. I'll start them tomorrow. You are right about the triggers, they are internal, but I can see when the shift happens. I've been able to tell for years. He hides it well from everyone else, but can't from me for some reason. I brought up counseling again just to see, he said he had to get to a place where he cared first (it took me a minute and I realized he thought I meant couples counseling). I told him, no I meant for him. He said no, he's been so many times he knows what they are doing before they do it. So bust there. It just killed me when he confirmed the indifference. He's saying the right things. The I love yous and kiss before bed. But there is nothing behind it right now. He feels nothing. I could walk out that door and he wouldn't care right now. He would later, but right now absolutely nothing matters. Sd13 is on a tangent as well. Im trying not to lose it on her, and hoping she will go to her grandmas for the last week before school starts. Been doing some heavy praying. Thanks again. I don't know hat I would do without you, I feel alone.