For all the bitching I do
I realize SO is a good man. He's not perfect, and he has a long way to go but then again so do I in a different way. I'm realizing this after speaking to a good friend of mine, whose SO signed over his rights to his kids because BM made his life impossible. For all the shit I go through with these kids sometimes, I know I wouldn't be able to respect a man who walked away from his kids...and still didn't make an effort to see them years after he knew he made the wrong decision. I respect my SO. Makes him sexy to me right now...
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We sound like we're in the
We sound like we're in the same boat. The BM in my case has turned parenting into a competition of who will buy the skids the most stuff..DH doesn't play that game and even if he did, BM has more money so she wins hands down..the skids' loyalty all lies with her and the skids treat DH like crap. BUT, he still loves and supports them the best he can and would never walk away from them. No, my DH isn't perfect either. I think he could've done a little better at parenting, but he's a far better parent than my ex, who is currently spending the next 3-5 in the Illinois Dept. of Corrections and has already said that when he gets out, he's gonna continue to do drugs (no lie, he told everyone he has no intentions of quitting). He has chosen to ignore my BS14 since the day he was born..my ex only likes his kids (he has multiple by several women..yeah, I picked a winner there lol) when they're old enough to "party". So, yeah, while I know my DH is not perfect, and I bitch about him being a horse's ass all the time, when I sit back and think about all the good he's done, I realize that him not being the most "hands on" parent, is NOT the worst thing in the world
(sorry, I tend to ramble lol)
There is a huge difference
There is a huge difference between being with a man who just walks away without trying and walking away from extreme emotional abuse, bullying, and PAS that is condoned And granted by the court system.
I personally would never put up with any bullying or abuse from any other human being, and I would not have any respect for s man who allowed himself to be emotionally abused by another person. How in the hell can that be good for the child to watch a man get emasculated by their own mother or the courts.
If a mother falsely starts accusing the father of crimes that me hurt his life and the courts condone it, then game over. Walk away so that the child is not traumatized. There are many situations where it is not so cut and dry.
To me it is crazy how many women will treat their exes like they are worthless after THEY decided that the man was good enough to have a child with. Or who carry grudges against the fathers because he moved on. It is not just on the man who walks away, but the women who purposely choose to make his life difficult via the children.
PAS is actually very hard to
PAS is actually very hard to prove. It is especially hard to prove when the mother is actually a very productive and professional woman. And as I said when the courts condone it even after fighting it, then what? Take the abuse?
You are correct. The blame to
You are correct. The blame to me in a situation is a woman who has a vendetta against the man she chose to father her kids.
If a woman can sit there and honestly say that she allowed the father to parent without emasculating him to his kids or in private, and used the courts to strip away visitation, and he still just walked away, then she can say she tried. But if she can't then she is just as accountable. It is not hard to be an adult and treat a coparenting
You all raised good points.
You all raised good points. In the story of the 17 year old, I don't know how I would feel about taking her in if she was indeed a problem child and could potentially create chaos in my household. She's one year shy of being considered an adult though, so her story doesn't generate a lot of pity from me.
The story of the wife whose husband didn't want to have anything to do with the 8 year old also would be an exception in my opinion. She doesn't have to be a part of the kid's life, but it is definitely an issue that her husband created a life, and is choosing not to be a part of that child's life. Kid didn't ask to be born, but it's not the wife's fault he doesn't want to parent, and I have to admit that my human side wouldn't care if my husband created a child with a mistress and didn't want to have anything to do with said child. I would probably consider it karma. But that's just my opinion.
In my friend's circumstance, her SO is a cheater (has cheated on her also), so I could see why a woman would flip out on him and "make his life impossible". However, those kids were like 8 and 10, they already know who their dad is, they love him. But because his ex wife's brothers continued to beat him up when he went to see the kids (according to his story), he decided to give up custody. Instead of calling the police or something. And even though he's sooooo depressed about it now....he still doesn't get off his ass to try to see those kids. Guess they aren't worth him feeling uncomfortable or making difficult decisions.
I think having my own child changed my perspective a bit. I don't know what in the world would have to happen between me and SO for me to sign away my rights. Then again, a lot of people on here post about some crazy things, and if my child were treating me a certain way no matter what I did, who knows what I would be okay with doing.