Dazed and Confused
My daughter has a wall up when it comes to my boyfriend. She admitted to be jealous of my boyfriend and I think she also feels like if she is nice to my boyfriend it would be a betrayal to her bio dad (who, by the way, is terrible and very selfish and never puts his daughter first when it comes to spending time with her - maybe once a month he'll check in...). My daughter has been in extensive therapy and one of her goals is to have a better relationship with my boyfriend.
During therapy I took a hard position that I wasn't willing to give my boyfriend up because she was jealous and that there was enough of me to go around. I think she finally decided, can't beat him, join him...
The other problem is that my boyfriend doesn't have a good relationship with his bio daughter and she never comes over (see previous blogs and you'll know why). So, I think my boyfriend has his own wall up as far as my daughter is concerned.
I have told both of them that I was tired of trying to keep peace and keep everyone happy and that they would have to "duke it out".
Question - Will this "blended" family ever work or am I fighting a loosing battle?
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It can work!
I know you feel discouraged, but just try to remember that teenagers are REALLY hard - in blended families AND traditional families. Getting your daughter therapy is certainly a huge step in the right direction and it sounds like she is making progress.
Now it may be time to work with your boyfriend. Would he be willing to go to therapy? It sounds like he has major issues with "losing" his daughter. Your daughter should NOT have to suffer because he doesn't have a good relationship with his own daughter. Let him know that your daughter is trying and he, as the adult, should put in his best effort to make it work as well.
Communication is key. If all of you can talk openly and honestly about your feelings in a non-heated discussion, you might come to a mutual understanding. If talking is too hard, try asking everyone to write down what they're feeling and then the others can read it.
Good luck!
We experienced a little of
We experienced a little of this between my son and my new husband. In time, they eventually became Daddy and son, now they have a similar relationship as the one Daddy has with our daughter. Every now and then, though, they still go at it a little and I have to remind them that they are only hurting ME, not EACH OTHER, when they start picking at each other. That usually puts a stop to it. I agree with Caitlin, also. Part of this was that it was difficult for my husband to bond with my son when he was simultaneously being alienated from his own kids. Give it time!
~ Anne ~
Let them be friends w/each
Let them be friends w/each other and spend time together to get to know one another, it can work. As far as his own biodaughter, I think he should try to make that relationship better too, at least try.
-happy mom