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Ding-dong the witch is dead, but so is my marriage...

princessmofo's picture

Greetings fellow step-talkers. I have been laying low lately, but still lurking here. Allow me to give you all a quick update. Our custody drama is over.

The judge stated in pre-trial he would not alter the 50/50 split so twat waffle had to settle. Dh gave her one additional day (so now 60/40) and another $125 a month in child support. Which he didn't have to do as the judge stated he would leave the order the same. But my dh must like getting it up the a$$ from bm so he "negotiated" that. Twat waffle must also do 50% of the driving, much to her dismay. She also cannot dictate extra curricular activities which dh does not approve and force him to pay half. The greatest of all (thanks to dh's lawyer) was that the inbred knuckle-dragging swamp cunt can NO longer email him at work on his work account. This was a big deal since they work at the same place and she has used this email to harass him repeatedly on the job. She must use his private email now and wait for "a response in a timely matter."

So this all seems to be good news. Only the damage is done. SS has been seeing a therapist because he is "insecure" and "still having bathroom issues" and "Princess Mofo told him bm was trying to take him away from his dad". That is categorically untrue. I never told ss that. I never discussed this with ss period. Dh knows this. The one time we did speak to him regarding it he was told that his schedule "may be" changing and he would not be here as much. So once again, I have been vilified. I am the evil step-mother. Dh hashed it out with this therapist on the phone and told her the real deal, but for me it's too late.

Dh made me several promises as we were going thru all this. Some pertaining to money and selling useless big ticket items we don't need to drum up some revenue to pay the lawyer fees. Has is happened? No. Will it happen? Doubtful. He also told me he would seek employment elsewhere to get away from devil cunt. Has he? No. Will he? Doubtful.

I've since disengaged from ss. I no longer touch him. I barely speak. I do not attend his extracurricular activities. I no longer will take him for haircuts on my time. I am not watching him, alone, without dh, anymore on my time.

Bm continues to nickel and dime us. She attempted to give dh a receipt for ss's haircut so he could "pay half". I told dh, "No. That's what her child support should be paying for instead of her "new" car she conveniently bought two weeks ago." She wants money for school picks. Money for activities. Money for his cord blood that was saved at birth. I'm surprised she hasn't submitted a bill for half his groceries.

Anyway, I'm rambling. To get to the point... I don't feel the same about my dh anymore. I'm sorry. Perhaps my love was fickle. Or perhaps I'm just tired of being the town whipping girl. I have been blamed for so much by twat waffle, the in-laws from hell, ss, a therapist I've never met and dh. My dh didn't stand up for me. He let all these people bulldoze me and make me the "villain" so he could seem like the knight.

Well be forewarned dh... If you force me to be the villain, I will play that role with gusto.

Comments

HungryEyes's picture

Wow. I'm so sorry you're going through this and I can certainly understand why you're at this point. If fDH let me out in front of the firesquad without standing up for me and the truth - Done. Over. No questions asked. I'm so sorry and that must be painful. I can't believe he offered up more money. I'd be livid. EFfng livid.

goincrazy.com's picture

This ^^^^

I would also start financially planning for myself since he's got extra money to give away I hope your are saving some "just in case" Wink

Willow2010's picture

I know and remember about 10 people on here due to the horrific nature of their skids and or marriage. You are one of them for obvious reasons.

I'm sorry...maybe you both can try counseling...?

princessmofo's picture

Counseling is a thought but the nature of the problem will still exist. He works with the bm. There are no clear boundaries when she can walk across the building on a moments notice and interject herself back into his life. He needs to find another job. And I am almost certain a counselor would agree with that. It's too much familiarity between them. And familiarity breeds contempt. Especially on my end...

Cadence's picture

My SO and I are in counseling, and something seems to really click with him when the neutral third party tells him something. So while he won't be getting a new job on his own, the counselor saying that to him may be the kick in the ass he needs.

It would also be a good forum to discuss how betrayed you feel and how it is rapidly causing you to lose trust and love for your DH.

I think it's worth a shot. Find a counselor who has experience with stepfamilies. And if counseling doesn't go well then you've done all that you can do.

twoviewpoints's picture

It amazes me that your DH's workplace allows the crap going on at work. Any personal emails on work assigned email accounts would be dismissal terms where my DH worked (now retired). Also any usage of work computer to access own private email was cause for dismissal. Of course my DH was a govt. worker and all equipment including computers was considered misuse of property if private things were performed with the items. But still, I'd think the private sector would have strict guidelines of company time and property.

Also as to the harassing or bothering your DH on company time? Why doesn't HR put a stop to this? Anyway...the one day a week difference might be a good thing. It gives you/DH one more day without the drama, no? BM driving is a positive. Cuts down on DH's exchange times. I guess maybe I'm too harda$$, but if DH agreed to sell some unneeded items, I'd likely go ahead to list the stuff and try to dispose of the items. He did agree to it. I could easily tell myself he still meant to and do it for him. Many parents have to make sacrifices when it comes to bills/kid cost, you should at least remind him of your agreement and expectation that he follows through.

Half of hair cut cost? Oh, you have a real self entitled crazy BM. That splitting a haircut is extremely petty on her part. I could see perhaps taking turns, but seriously, 1/2 pay for a haircut? And I suppose the BM has DH convinced poor little Jr will have to totally go without if Daddy does pay 'his half'. I really wouldn't know how to counter that because if DH is that gullible to such nonsense, he'll see you as the uncaring evil lady who doesn't want SS to have basic needs. Has the therapist tried reasoning with DH on this ridiculous play on DH's sense of daddy duty?

I think it's very understandable as to why your feelings for DH has changed. I could handle being the 'bad guy' in everyone's eyes in all this except my DH. If DH believes and allows all blame to be at your hands, I don't see where there is much hope. Couple counseling might help but your Dh has to be open to that and be open to the thought that he has the problem.

Shaman29's picture

Princess.....you and I should get whipping post tattoos.

I have been in your shoes for a very long time. I love DH but I lost respect for him and it's taking a hell of a long time to get it back.

Ironically, though my personal feelings about his kid have not changed, I am gaining more respect for her as I see changes in her.

Hanny's picture

I would not be able to handle SO working with BM either. That would be a deal breaker for me. Way too much contact. How long has it been since he said he would find a new job?

Willow2010's picture

Princess...does he know that your marriage is on the rocks because he will not move on and away from BM?

princessmofo's picture

Yep. But I think he thinks I won't follow thru. He doesn't know me as well as he thinks. I've already hashed out the exit strategy with MY family (who are by all accounts wonderful and supportive) and I have been assured that I have their full backing emotionally and financially. I gave him a timeline and that was six weeks ago and he hasn't budged. So I am reluctant to think he will have resolved any of this by the six month mark.

misSTEP's picture

I can totally understand why your feelings have changed.

He is supposed to be your protector. Yet he allows you to be thrown under many proverbial buses so he doesn't have to be the bad guy.

He is supposed to be a provider. Yet he seems to be more concerned with providing for BM than for your household together.

He is supposed to put your marriage as his priority but yet continues to work at the same place as BM.

Many deal breakers there.

JMC's picture

I'm sorry, Princess. This just sucks. You've fought the good fight and now it appears you have some big decisions to make. Your DH is a douche for letting you take the fall for his parenting failures and lack of balls. A real man would never allow his wife to be run down by such idiots, especially someone like twat waffle. Breathe deep, clear your mind and decide what's best for YOU. ((Hugs))

Justme54's picture

I hear where you are coming from. I know easier said than done but you need to have a "DEAL BREAKER" meeting with DH.

A) Big ticket items will be sold ASAP!!!!
Dirol Changing jobs is not always easy.
I do not know all the facts as to your DH age or what the market is for the type of job he has.
However, I give him 3 months to show that he has looked for another job.
I would say 6 months but men drag their feet as your DH already has.
My DH is very good at it.

Those big ticket items need to GO! Good Luck!

AlreadyGone's picture

I've been where you are. Love may still exist there but, the resentment is bigger than the love at this point. You have come to that place in the road where you must now decide which way to go. All I can say is choose wisely. Always do what is in YOUR OWN best interest and obviously what you feel comfortable with. Wish there were some sage advice but, only you know what you can handle in this situation. Best of luck to you as you begin your journey down this road of discovery.

((((Hugs))) Smile

Unfreakingreal's picture

Sorry to hear this Princess. You have less than 6 months, get your things in order because it sounds like your marriage is over. Sad