Just asking for Drama....
I have tried to avoid facebook because it's just not my thing and I kind of like my privacy anywho.....I finally gave in and made a profile. Contacted a long lost girl friend and a few other of my past close friends. Posted a few family pics. I listed my bio kids and DH but choose to leave SD off since they don't give an option of step. I knew she would not want me to include her and BM would like it even less than SD had I claimed to have her as a daughter.
DH has complete access to the account as we share all things like that. He took it upon himself to add SD as my child. He 'thinks' SD would feel bad if I didn't (he really projects his own feelings onto the situation) and he doen't care what BM thinks. Soooooo here we go. And I am left feeling that once again everything I do has to come back to SD. 'She' chooses the tone of our relationship and chooses to reject me yet I should claim her as my child???
I've already told him he will deal with the resulting drama because I won't.
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Would he expect her to add
Would he expect her to add you as a Mother under her relatives?
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Good point. Would she even
Good point. Would she even accept a friend request from me??? I doubt it. This subject is not done for us I'm sure.
good thought! svs i would
good thought! svs
i would change it. you are the ones whos feelings you know best, and if your feeling is not to list her than dont. if dh wants her listed he can make up his own stupid fb account!
are you going to be adding sd? if your profile is blocked than it doesnt matter because you can block all others from seeing any of that info.
my fb is blocked so that if you arent my friend, all you can see is my little profile pick, you cant see my friends, you cant even message me if you arent my friend! if you did that, sd would even know
It is you account... if you
It is you account... if you don't want them on there, then don't have them on there. I don't have my steps listed on my FB account. I wouldn't really care if BM would care or not, but they are not my kids, so why would I have them listed. And you are right, they do not give a choice of step-kid.
It is my account and totally
It is my account and totally within my hands to include or not include anyone as you say. However it's not a hill worth dying on for me I guess. Just another irritation to add to my growing list.
Facebook isn't near and dear to my heart anyways.
I am just continually amazed at how often I am expected to want this child as 'my own' when she completely rejects even the fact that I am alive.
And yes, I completely get that my issue lies with my DH, she is only a product of her parenting. I keep searching for the right words to make him want to change that for me, for himself and for SD mostly.
As of right now SD doesn't
As of right now SD doesn't have access to the account at all, she is not a friend, has not requested to be and I have not friended her. This is only the begining i'm afraid. This is only about me defining my children on my own profile.
He asked last night if I minded if he added SD as a friend on the account. Then he rethought that and realized that was opening up anything we have out there for BM as well.
If it comes down to it I would not reject SD if she chooses to friend me. However I will take your advice and limit what she and others connected to her (BM) can see.
I especially like your last comment...Successful relationships are based on mutual respect. That is something I believe in and live by.
Exactly what it would turn
Exactly what it would turn into for me. I can't not care about a child, and SD is only 11!!!!! She doesn't need to have a fb in the first place. I would no doubt see things that I thought were too mature for her age and be bothered by it.
I wonder when it became a crime to care about children?
Successful relationships are
Successful relationships are based on mutual respect.
The big question is how do I make DH see that SD has a part in that. 'MUTAL' means both parties.
I am at that point in my
I am at that point in my feelings about our relationship. I don't go out of my way to do things for her, she seldom appreciated it and I don't want to extend my feelngs to be rejected.
And truth be known I think SD is ok with that. She doesn't need me to be more than I am for her. What she isn't learning is that it's not ok to be disrespectful just because you don't want a relationship with someone. But at 11 that's something she needs her parents to help her learn and deal with. It age appropriate behavior, it's not however appropriate for DH to ignore and hope it goes away.
Still no matter how I feel and how SD feels or how much she and I can accept the short comings of our relationship, DH has these expectations that are unrealistic. He has a need for us to be more than we are, maybe more than we can be. Here lies the problem.