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Onefootout's Blog

Name my SS' issues.

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Another recent blog got me thinking. I have been wondering what's up with my SS16. Here are some of his behaviors:

He walks like Frankestein, he doesn't swing his arms when he walks.
Of course his video games are his life. Although he does love marching band.

His social skills are not great. He never gets invited anywhere. But he loves going to school functions, he goes to school dances by himself.

Things are better, for now.

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After multiple blow ups recently, I've calmed down and I think SO is taking me seriously, for now. The Xbox is now out of the living room and in SS16' bedroom after I told SO I did not want to live in a man cave/game room. I feel better already!

But this will not come without a price of course. SS almost never comes out of his room, and he'll never interact with SO if I'm in the room. Great, so I guess if SS can't interact with his dad on SS' terms then he will
just not interact at all. Guess who's going to get blamed for coming between SO and his son? Can't wait.

Anyone read the book, The happily married man.

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SO announced he's reading this because his therapist recommended it. this came after our two hellish weeks of fighting and my announcement that this did not feel like my home and I wanted to leave.

I've calmed down a lot now and although nothing's resolved I'm no longer in a perpetual rage. So far we are getting along pretty well, considering.

SO wants to know where he stands

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SO asked me last night if we've made up. He's been affectionate toward me and I haven't exactly rebuffed him. But nothing hot and heavy. Not happening. It's awkward and I'm tired of rebuffing him and being mad. But I told him nothing about my position of wanting to leave has changed.

Yes, I'm human, yes I cannot shut off my feelings nor my need for physical contact. And yes I have mixed feelings and I hate the idea of being alone.

And I have not initiated any physical contact it's all him.

How much of SO's late wife's things should still be out.

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My SO has been married 3 times. Wife 1 is BM. Wife 2 passed away 5 years ago, and according to SO was the only good wife he ever had. They were married two years before she died. Wife 3 is a crazy borderline con artist who got him to marry her after dating 3 months. She also got SO to buy her a nice 4 bedroom home for her and her kids. That marriage lasted 1 year. I live in the same house wife 3 lived in. Most of wife 3 stuff is gone.

Can't let go of my insistance I be treated as the lady of the house.

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i.e. Lady boss. This is a repeated problem I've had with cohabitation with a man. I know this sounds narcissistic but I am just inflexible on the need to be recognized as the queen of my own home. Absolutely on equal ground with my SO. No compromising. The child is in no way a driving force in my home. I simply cannot settle for less, and I've tried to, but I'm just not wired that way.

Not cooking is awkward

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I'm just cooking for myself. SO keeps asking what I want to do for dinner, I keep saying I don't know, I don't care, I'll just eat around.

Nothing will come of this, but I'm still not going to cook for SS. I just can't bring myself to. More hamburgers and hot dogs for SS, oh well.

SO I know would like to eat what I cook but he still wants me to pretend to offer my cooking to SS, so SS can then turn his nose up at it. This is to protect SS' feelings in case I cook something that SS might actually like. I understand. But it's SO's loss.

SO talks like we're going to be together over a year from now, scary

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SO asked when my sister was getting married, I said probably sometime in October next year. He says, does that mean I can wear a Dracula costume to the wedding?

I'm thinking to myself, dude, you just locked me out of the garage because you were mad I left the house without telling you. We had a big blow out a week ago, and I'm still shell shocked from it. SO keeps smothering me, and he's catching on that I don't like it.

I just want to tell SO, um, we're on the month to month plan, so don't go making all kinds of assumptions.

SO smothering me after our big fight last week.

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Had a big fight after SO scolded me for mouthing off to SS16, in front of SS16.

SO calls this a tiff, and the next day it's as if nothing happened. And ever since then SO has been smothering me, overly affectionate, even more than usual. I mean like clinging and hugging on me hard and kissing everytime we cross paths. He's always been affectionate but this is too much.

I rebuffed his "I love you's" I told him right now I need more time and I need respect a whole lot more than I need love.

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