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Acting like a bitch, or you're a bitch. Same thing?

Needalifeboat's picture

SO and I got into an argument the other night (over BM and boundaries...shocking right?) and he said he didn't know why I was acting like such a bitch. He apologized and I've left it alone but it's bugging me. I don't talk like that to him and don't really care to have a relationship with name calling.

If your dh said that to you how would you take it?

Comments

oneoffour's picture

My DH told me that once. I turned around and told him he was a prick. He looked more shocked than me. I told him "if you want to start name calling I have some that will make you cry without a single swear word. So don't get me started." Never ever again...

hereiam's picture

I would be in shock, my DH gets mad when I call myself a bitch. He is not a name caller, though and he does not swear.

I have told my DH he is acting like an asshole before. He is not generally an ass so I did mean that he was acting like one at that moment and not that he is one, but it's still not nice to say.

I would be more upset that he was saying that in regards to boundaries with BM. Does he not think there needs to be any?

Needalifeboat's picture

We went away for a couple nights to get a break together. We haven't been away in 3 years together so needless to say this was a big deal to go away. We've been talking about it for a year, waiting for the right time and to save some money. The first night we were there, laying in bed, ready for some couple time. His kids are texting back and forth and back and forth. And then BM calls. And he freakin answers it, and of course she's calling bitching about money. It put a damper on the mood and I was ticked he even answered it. If it was an emergency she would have texted then or called back. Then his phone goes off again. More kids. I got annoyed and my mood was killed.

I never complain about his communication with his kids but I just wanted a couple days to have a break. We have kids here 7 days a week and BM issues all the time. So I told him he shouldn't have taken the call and that he could have just called the kids and said hey, checking in, goodnight love you. It didn't need to drag on when we were trying to have a little alone time. We're good parents and ex spouses all the time, just a couple days of focusing on each other was all I wanted.

He says I have nerve complaining about the texts with his kids and that he will talk to his kids whenever he damn well pleases. And that he wanted to answer BM call to make sure nothing was wrong. Please, she'll call back 3 times in a row if something is wrong trust me. Let the first one go to vm. Then he stormed out of the hotel room. When he came back I asked him if he had anything to say and he said "No I figured you'd be apologizing. I don't know why you're acting like such a bitch.

Real nice start to our weekend away.

Shaman29's picture

I have told my H this several times:

Talking to or about your exW or kids is NOT considered foreplay.

It's taken him SEVEN years to get it.

Your H is an insensitive jerk if he doesn't realize your relationship, this long weekend, is your break from dealing with the stress of every day life. They are ALL interrupting on purpose because the skids nor the BM want his attention focused on you.

This is your time to refresh and renew your bond. Unnecessary and non-emergency interruptions during this weekend can and will break down your relationship.

If he can't see that, then he needs to get to the ER right away to have his rectal-cranial inversion corrected.

Shaman29's picture

We do say things like "behaving like a jerk". Both H and I freely admit that I'm a bitch and he's an asshole.

That being said, name calling during disagreements and arguments is verboten in our home.

Needalifeboat's picture

Because the squeaky wheel gets the oil. I need to learn to be louder and stand up for myself more and not give a crap if he's mad about that.

FTMandSM's picture

My FDH said this to me just last night. I just asked him why he has to act like a lazy asshole. (Our argument was about him not picking up around the house). I'm not calling him one right, just like he's not calling me a bitch. I don't really like the whole name calling thing. I think he understood afer I told him that he was acting like a lazy asshole and that he wasn't actually one.

Ninji's picture

I get called a Nazi. I'm a Nazi because I want the SKs to brush their teeth, put on clean underwear or brush hair before we go into public. Guess I'm just asking toooo much of 8 and 10 year olds.

Needalifeboat's picture

Ugh, there's no excuse for saying that! Especially with such realistic expectations!

StepKat's picture

I think DH called me a bitch once and I let lose on his ass. I called him everything under the sun and more. After we cooled off we apologized to each other and promised never to call each other names. We haven't since that day. I think he learned the hard way not to call me a bitch.