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Stepson and food

Lulumay91's picture

I'm trying to keep my cool but I'm about to loose it. We go shopping on a weekly basis. We have a budget so usually I have a whole meal plan set up for the week.  The kids usually have breakfast and lunch at school.  Except my youngest she  takes lunch because she's picky.  We buy the kids their  own individual boxes of breakfast foods(waffles, toaster strudels, or cereal) it changes each week. We get the sausage pancake on stick because that what the youngest eats for breakfast before school.  Well on a Sunday morning my daughter was waiting for her breakfast to cool off.  She left the dining room to finish getting ready and when she went back it was eaten with the stick just left sitting on the paper towel.  We asked the kids who ate it.  They had already eaten breakfast.  Both kids said not them.  I know by actions now who is lying. I knew it was my SS.  He persisted it wasn't him.  Even had the audacity to ask his sister why she ate it.  So we said no movies until we get the truth.  He finally admitted it was him.  This isn't the first time either.  We buy the kids their own snacks. We have to keep them in our room because my SS would eat his whole box of snacks in one day.  Then he would eat his sisters and lie that he didn't eat them.  Been told numerous times to stay out of other peoples food.  He would then go into our room and take them so now we literally have to lock them up or he will eat everyone's.  I bought 4 things of these teriyaki noodles they like.  He picked teriyaki flavor and SD picked chicken flavor.  I told them on Sunday this for lunch for this next weekend. If they happen to stay home for a day which my SS did because he was sick there is  corn dogs, pizza bites, grilled cheese, mac n cheese or top Roman.  But today I went into the cupboard and seen one of the chicken flavors was gone. Yet again my SS is eating something that was his sisters. We ask him why and he goes oh I didn't know what to eat for lunch. This is a constant thing.  I get its food but still.  The not getting listened to especially with inflation times are hard.   He has no remorse for his actions.  If he woulda just ate his own then he'd just have to eat something else on the weekend. He chose apple toaster strudels and I got strawberry since I don't like the apple ones.  I open the freezer and mine were opened with two gone.  Yup my SS ate them. His excuse was I didnt look at the box.  He does have very slight autism but not bad enough that he don't know better. So then that leaves him still with the foods he likes.  However now we are short on our things because we can't just grab his in replacement since we don't like his. I'm furious! 

Comments

dragonfly878's picture

We keep plastic bins "DD3's snack bin", "SS15's snack bin". Each kid gets their special snacks. If its in a labeled bin- it's off limits to other people. If its outside of the bin then its fair game. Same with the freezer. Each kid gets a shelf. If it's not on his shelf- don't eat it (or at least ask first).

Winterglow's picture

He's 16 and knows better. Have you tried a mousetrap in an empty box for food that he shouldn't be taking?

ndc's picture

What consequences have been imposed on the SS for taking things he's been told not to?

Is there any possibility he's taking and eating extra food because he's hungry? In my experience teen boys are eating machines.

simifan's picture

I agree with this. He is probably hungry. DS ate twice what SD ate as a teen, even though he was rail thin. A teenage boy will certainly eat more then an adult woman. Maybe budget a bit more to get him two boxes of his to see if this is because he's hungry or spiteful. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Idk, though, is he just hungry? How is his weight? Is he underweight or thin for his age? 

Lulumay91's picture

He's actually overweight because he eats so much at his moms during summer and other breaks.  His grandfather had to band him from going to his house when he's not there because he would go and eat 5 sandwiches for lunch at his house.  he is 5'8 weighing 235lbs.  Hes hates his parents because he blames them for his body hair and weight.  We have a gym set up at home.  So he can change those two things by shaving and getting excercise but he chooses to be lazy.  

Rumplestiltskin's picture

My son did the snack-stealing thing, too, but he would admit it. It's a lack of self-control. We had to hide certain things from him and eventually he developed his own self-control. I suggest locking the snacks. A guy i know has a fingerprint lock on his pantry for his kids. Lock it up! 

Winterglow's picture

At 16 he is more than capable of saying he was hungry when asked why he took others' food, so why does he lie and deny it was him? That doesn't get him anywhere, much less more food.

Is he overweight, OP, and afraid of being fat-shamed?

Lulumay91's picture

We have to monitor how much he eats because if not he just in one day he will eat 4 bowls of cereal for breakfast a whole 28 packbag of those veriarty chips for a snack 4 sandwiches at lunch plus more snacks 10 cans of soda plus more snacks and dinner.  After Every summer he comes back 35 lbs heavier in that 2.5 month span. We tell him that if he's still hungry after his initial snack then grab apples or other fruit we have.  We Emphasize with him a lot of your still hungry after your main meal  let us know and I'll tell you what you can have that isn't a meal planed you can eat.  He just don't use his mouth to speak up. 

la_dulce_vida's picture

The solution is that the next time he eats other people's snacks/special food, he loses ALL of his snacks/special food.

Everyone else's snacks get locked up and he has to eat "boring" foods.

He can make a PB&J sandwich or have an apple or a bowl of oatmeal.

The penalty has to be the LOSS of his treats because making you upset doesn't really seem to bother him.

And, if you're really on a tight budget, all of those foods you're buying are pretty pricey. I would shut down all the pre-packaged snacks completely. You will get a LOT of pushback, but, oh well.

ESMOD's picture

I agree that if this is a big enough issue that he cannot stay in his lane.. when he is old enough to understand.. then he loses free range privileges.

I would require him to ask permission for each and every food item that isn't served during a meal.  If he can't be responsible... then he loses that permission.

I would have your DH put him on notice of this.  And.. for things like eating food that was prepared for a sibling.. like the pancade sausage stick?  That would result in a consequence.. like losing wifi/phone for a day or something like that.. or extra chore.. all of this meted out by his father as consequence for being a rude pig.

Lulumay91's picture

Hubby tried the Banding thing but he just goes in there when everyone is sleeping. Consequences an extra chores don't work for him because he never learns from it and he never fixes what he does wrong. from the We tried that with him taking away his special snacks and telling him he can have fruit as his snacks.  He wouldn't eat the fruit instead he would go into my moms cupboard(she lives with us) and take her food.  We are currently looking for a therapist for him because he's angry with his parents for his body hair and being overweight.  And their is so much more going on.  Like it's another story in its self. I could understand self esteem issues as a teen but hating his parents for two things that all he has to do is shave and loose weight to fix.  We have a gym set up at home we've encouraged him to use but he's just too lazy.  

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Lock her cupboard. Lock up everything he binges on.

Survivingstephell's picture

He's going to grow up to be that AH who steals lunches at work.  You know the stories about people adding hot sauce or lazy to their lunch to expose them? Yeah he's on the path to get that lesson.  
 

I do agree he's pushing buttons to cause strife.  He needs creative consequences.  Where's the bio parent in all of this?   Clueless about rising grocery prices??    

Lulumay91's picture

Dad is right by my sides he's frustrated too.  Nothing works on my SS. I don't know if it's part of his slight autism(not bad enough he don't know better).  He never learns from Consequences.  He will still do the actions even if that means losing all the privileges he has.  He will just sit around and be mad at us like we did something bad.  We tried positive things that didn't work.  We tried giving extra chores that dont work.  We are going to find him a therapist for him ato talk to because he won't be honest what's going on.  We're told that he hates his parents because of genetics.  

Survivingstephell's picture

Have you looked into a keto type diet for him?  Google Dr Jason Fung.  He sounds like he's consuming empty calories. Probably a lot of emotional eating.  There's been some new research on keto and autism.  My grandson is on the  spectrum so  I have to learn about it.  He's almost 4.    

floralsm's picture

What a little sh*t. I like Wintergows suggestion about a mouse trap. That's so funny haha. 
I don't like the idea of different snacks for the skids and our DD. I find it annoying when their snacks are finished and they then have to snack on the others and fights happen.

 The only snacks that are different are the noodle flavours.. but that's it. They all get the same and if one doesn't like it then they compromise and get something else they both like. I keep the snacks that DD isn't allowed to eat up high due to her small age sort of thing. Out of sight out of mind for her.
Your DH needs to lay down consequences when he does this otherwise it won't stop unfortunately.

Lulumay91's picture

He's tried everything under the sun except mouse trap lol.  But he don't seem to care about consequences. Or even positive Reinforcements.  We do separate snacks with all the kids so the kids can have a choice what that want to have that week one kid might want little Debbie's or the othe other wants Oreos so we let that be their special thing . Other wise we always have fruit always available  for the whole family to share

Rags's picture

If SS is untrustworthy, then bare his ass with cameras and infuriate him by locking everything up.

Lather... rinse... repeat.

Have every evening be footage review with daddy making SS stand there ane watch himself do what he has invariably lied about prior to bedtime video review.