You are here

I am SOOOO sick of SD13 getting away with this crap and never being called out on it...

luchay's picture

This weekend we had my dd8's sleepover birthday party. I made up the loot bags for all the kids, the only one I took special care to put a particular purple item in was dd's - it's her favourite colour. The rest all just got whatever random colour came to hand as I did their bags. But each bag (except ss's) had the same items - the same sweets/chocolates and a mini nail polish and lip gloss.

Sunday morning I had to get my two dd's made up and hair done for a dancing thing - so I was feeding 11 kids, packing up all the kids stuff so they were ready to be picked up AND doing full hair and make up on my two as well as getting 11 costumes sorted and in the car, making sure we had all the shoes and tights and ballet undies etc etc etc. it was pretty full on around here (not even mentioning the 9 screaming hyper kids running about the place LOL)

So as the kids were being picked up and time was getting on I asked SD13 to hand out the loot bags to the kids as they left - they were all in a larger bag, named and none of the kids had seen them or had access to them - I made them up on Thursday night and put them in my office til Sunday morning.

I finish off the girls and head off at 10am to drop them off, there are still a few kids left to be picked up (OH was here obviously) and SS10 and SD13, who is still giving out the bags. I was rushed or I would have thought it through better.

I dropped off my girls and got home about an hour and a half later, and SD13 is sitting on the sofa with the large bag, rifling through it and eating, ss10 is on the other sofa with his bag, instead of the girly stuff he got a whoopee cushion so he was happy LOL

I grabbed the bag and put it away in the office - it only had my girls prizes and loot bags in it. I had a quick look inside the bags.... and yes you guessed it - dd8's fave purple lip gloss has been changed over and there is now a blue one in there, the two funsize chocs are gone, some of the other sweets are gone and there were some eyeball chocolates (it was a Monster High party) each bag had two, there was now only one. DD10's bag - was missing a few sweets and both the eyeballs.

I was PISSED off. I had some spare chocolates and sweets and I evened things out so both bags had the same stuff in them (bonus of them not having seen what was in the other kids bags!!)

I mentioned to my OH that their bags had been tampered with and half the sweets/chocs were missing and someone had changed the colour of dd's lip gloss. *crickets* from him.

Bloody fucking thieving SD gets away with it again.

Later they were outside and I was tidying upstairs, and I found her loot bag on the sofa up there, inside were ALL the chocolate wrappers, 3 uneaten eyeballs and my dd's purple lip balm. As well - she had half filled the bag with sweets out of the bowl I had on the table downstairs... Greedy little cow. I took back the eyeballs and the lip balm - replaced that with the blue one.

But STILL no consequences or even a discussion with her by OH.

Just stick that freaking head in the sand YET AGAIN honey.

But she KNOWS I know.... At least I have that.

Just pisses me off SO much.

Alos yesterday was the first anniversary of my fathers passing, so it was a crappy day anyway Sad

Comments

luchay's picture

NOW that I am calmer and thinking I should have bought her bag downstairs and gone through them all with everyone present - I should have just done it.

Fuck them all I am so sick of it.

She goes through my kids rooms all the time, takes what she wants, goes through the pantry and takes food - packets of biscuits, chips, chocolate - takes them to her room and eats all night - we find the packets, wrappers etc and NOTHING IS EVER SAID.

I find my dd's stuff in her room and NOTHING IS EVER SAID TO HER.

If I raise it with OH we get into a screaming fight about it - last time it was a DVD she took from my dd (she's actually now 11 - as of last monght lol I put 10 in the OP - forgot - too many kids...) The DVD was IN my dd's room, my kids were away visiting their father, I found the EMPTY case in SD's room, I called her on it and told her I was not happy she went in to dd's room and took it and to find the DVD.

Later she told my dd that she had taken the DVD back to BM's and lost it - oh well.

A week later I asked OH if he had spoken to her about this - he said "oh yes, she found it at BM's and returned it so it's all good!"

Ummmm NOOOOO it's not. She took it? She took it to BM's? And you never punished her - AGAIN?

He said "she told me she didn't find it in dd's room, it was in the family room!"

I said "that is BS, it's one of DD's own dvd's and she keeps hers in her room, and sd admitted to ME and to DD that she took it from there"

OH - "what do you want me to do, I can't call her a liar!!!"

Yes OH, YOU CAN AND SHOULD, AND A THIEF TO BOOT!!!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I am just so sick of it.

I need ideas please - how do I stop this with NO support from him? What can I do?

luchay's picture

yes, I am still working on the nanny cam idea, I just hate the idea of everyone having to lock up their rooms. And then if I do that SHE will have to have a lock on her room too and I will never get anything back.

I'm not good at the whole confrontation thing Smile So - I will pull up my big girl panties and TELL him how it is going to be.

Because I am done waiting for him to deal - from now on if it affects me or mine I will handle it if he doesn't.

oneoffour's picture

Hmm, lip balm. I wonder if she will steal so often if you put chilli powder on the lip balm. Or if she takes hair brushes mention after the fact that you are rounding up DDs hair brushes as there is nits going around her school and you want to sterilise them... just to be on the safe side.

Put locking doors on your kids rooms. If DH complains tell him that it is to protect everyone. DDs from having their stuff taken and no one can accuse SD of stealing something behind a locked door.

luchay's picture

Smile chilli powder - LOL

My older dd21 actually has a method of knowing when someone goes in her room when she's not here. It's foolproof, and I have told OH before that SD has been in there because DD has done something with her door - so that she knows if it's been opened.

He "discussed" it with SD (my other two dd's and I were away from home at the time) and she point blank denied it. I told him SOMEONE had been in my dd's room. Absolutely and definitely it happened. Again with the "I will not call my daughter a liar"

But he also told her that we are "setting traps" to get her into trouble and for her to be careful....

OMFG

mama0913's picture

I could see my SD doing that to my DD. And my husband not saying a damn thing!!! Iam pissed off for you.

B22S22's picture

chili powder is too obvious -- because usually it's orange-brown.

A couple drops of CLEAR jalapeno (or habanero if you want things to get ugly fast) juice would work nicely though....

Just sayin'

sasha101's picture

I have a ss16 who loves nothing better than helping himself to ss10 & ss11's stuff and either losing or breaking it. I've lost count of the number of bikes he's trashed belonging to ss11 because rather than work on his own bike if it has a puncture or anything, he just helps himself to ss11's and ends up trashing that one too. CD's, CD players, computer games, mobile phones, you name it, he helps himself to it and it really makes me mad. But if they dare to borrow anything of his, he acts all outraged and demands it back immediately, telling them it's his and they have to leave his stuff alone or else. Like a lot of other's dh's mine is nowhere near vigilant or strict enough and seems to let a lot of it go right over his head. If we buy anything for ss10 and ss11 now, I tell dh that he has to make it clear to ss16 that it doesn't belong to him and he keeps his hands off or there will be consequences. It doesn't take long for ss16 to disrespect his brother's things or for dh to forget and so it continues. I absolutely refuse to replace anything that ss16 has trashed or lost now. We simply cannot afford it on our tight budget and while it's not fair on the younger two, if dh isn't prepared to follow through with consequences and allows ss16 to get away with it, then that's his problem and I'm taking no responsibility. It's a lot easier for me because they're all skids so I don't have the same attachment as I would if they were my bios. In your case, I can understand how furious you'd be because she's stealing off your own children and in any mother's book that is the lowest of the low. I wish I had some words of advice but when you have a dh who is as useless as mine at enforcing anything it's difficult to know what to do for the best. As others have said, you might have to start locking things away and although it's not nice having to live like that in your own house, if you want to protect yours and your kids things then you might not have any choice.