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Complex situation...Need some thoughts, ideas, and advice please! :)

LaMareOssa's picture

So, DH has sole custody of SD10 since January. BM has supervised visits every other weekend due to her mental instability and because BM is a high "flight" risk.

DH has FINALLY taken BM's phone number out of SD's phone, so now all communication with BM is supervised at the visits only(About damn time!!!!) I haven't talked about it much, but DH had to finally block BM's communication with SD because of very inappropriate comments to SD and BM telling SD that it's all SD's fault that they're in this situation and also BM has told SD several times she is going to kill herself. BM also called SD and texted SD at 1AM telling her that BM's boyfriend is beating her and that SD needed to help her and call the police...DH called the police..anyway....BM is very unstable and to the point where it's gotten scary. BM has also told DH, through text messages that "If I ever get the kids back, no one will ever see us again."

Anyway...We want to move to VA Beach, VA next summer. DH already has a job lined up and we already have a house..A much bigger house waiting for us. We have already picked out schools etc. But, our problem is BM. We don't want to just up and leave..Obviously after or if DH gets the relocation of SD approved through the courts. We want SD to be able to visit her family here and we want her to be able to come visit her mom, but we don't know how to work out the visitation schedule. It's very complex and difficult because BM currently has supervised EOW for 4 hours at a time and honestly, BM's mental state seems to be getting worse and on top of it, BM isn't getting any help or treatment and e don't see these supervised visits ever ending. How would we draft up a visitation plan for SD if BM has to have supervised visits????? We thought about working something out with SD's grandparets(BM's parents) so SD could at least see her grandparents and half siblings, but we can't trust that they will keep SD safe from BM. We can't make them supervise any visits or trust that they would.

We thought about just moving(after approval from judge) and work something out later once BM proves she has gotten help and is progressing. I jus don't know what to do. We really don't want to just take SD away completely, that doesn't seem right, but we can't allow SD to be a victim either. We've even thought about using a webcam so BM and SD can see and talk to each other unil BM shows progress.

Any ideas at all? I'm sooo lost.

Comments

lawyergirl06's picture

I think those are all good ideas except for the grandparent thing. Skype would be a great way for you to supervise and still allow them the opportunity to have contact. Also if you have family (or DH does) in the area maybe SD could spend some of her school vacation times with them and have supervised visits with BM during that time. There are lots of ways to allow that relationship to continue without losing out on income advancement for DH. Sounds like you have already started to think about it. The chances are, because DH has custody and his ability to earn is increased the judge will agree regardless of BM's current visitation schedule.

whatwasithinkin's picture

I have been involved with a moving custody case. You wont get approval from the judge to just move without some kind of vistation order being granted, unless the judge states no visitation will be granted due to her unstability. So I would try to figure something out and present it as an option, rather then be at the mercy of the courts.

Maybe..do you guys have any of your family or your friends that will be here that you trust that could be involved when SD is here?

LaMareOssa's picture

No, all of DH's and my family are in VA. My grandmother is here, but being almost 80, is not able to supervise anything between SD and BM, especialy since BM gets hostile and violent. And, no about the friends, none of our friends would be willing to get involved because of BM's mental state. I know we must have a plan, thats why we're trying to figure something out now ahead of time.