But I don't think we really can make others feel good about themselves when it comes down to it. They have to find it within. Maybe we can help guide them in some form to a good place, but that's about it. And with steps I've found, we have to walk on eggshells, and they will NOT accept any advice from us in most cases.

I think we are responsible for our own happiness. We cannot be responsible for others' happiness...it's just not something we can do as bad as we sometimes would like to. I'm just trying for acceptance at this point. Accept where I'm at in life, and try, try, try not to cause harm to anyone else. Not always possible because I am human and can be a b*tch thinking I'm always right :-)...but I'm trying to do better.

I too feel that we are all responsible for our own happiness.... however; I do try to bring others up as opposed to down.... I help others when and where I can but I don't think we can change anyone but ourselves.

For example; my neighbor is going through an ugly divorce.... she is devastated as her husband left and now has a new girlfriend.... Now she is acting like the typical "psycho" bio mom.... She is hurting and she is emotional it is nothing that is going to heal overnight.... I can talk to her and give her advice and listen to her and let her cry on my shoulder.... I can offer the girlfriends perspection as well as speak from experience on her stance.... but in the end this woman's happiness is not going to be found by me or anyone else... she has to learn her own lessons.... she has to get the pain.... she has to travel her own path to find her own happiness. I am here to lean on and understand and offer inspiration (having gone through it myself).... but thats all I can do.

Reason being, I learned from my husband's PTSD therapy that nothing I do can "make" him feel anything. It has to come from him. And I also learned that I choose how to respond to him, he doesn't MAKE me respond in any certain way.

But I think the gist of what Kathleen is saying is that maybe some positive outcome can result from trying to spread goodwill and from trying to give the other person the benefit of the doubt, rather than taking every little thing as a personal attack. And I think that's true, too. I have a three strikes and you're out policy. I'll forgive you twice, but strike three and you're out. I'll hold that grudge until I die.

~ Anne ~

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I agree with what you are saying in theory, I am just very concerned with the end result. I wish we could just give them what they want and end up with a kind, caring responsible adult, but from what I understand that is not likely.
I read a very intereting book by John Rosemond in which he points out that it is our responsibility to teach our children how to meet their own needs whenever possible begining at a young age. If not, we will end up with an adult who does not know how to create their own happiness and will therefore spend their lives looking for someone else to make them happy and ultimately setting them up for a lifetime of dissapointment. He relates it to the rise in teenage depression and suicide.
I do understand where you are coming from though, with all they have to go through there is a very strong desire to do all we can to make everything better, especially in the eyes and feelings of the child.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-