Kids in college and split houses—what’s typical?
My bio and my oldest SS are off at college. DS has been in touch a few times (been gone a month), OSS has not responded to any of DHs texts (been gone two weeks). And for background: OSS barely came over this past summer.
We have a family locator app and DH and I use it mostly to see if the other one is hoe to let the dog out so we know if we have a window of time to run an errand. I was checking for DHs location this weekend and thought the app was broken. It showed OSS at BMs house. After a refresh it’s correct.
I know DH has no clue OSS is in town. It also explains YSSs weird reaction earlier in the week when I asked him if he had heard from OSS. And I wasn’t fishing, just making small talk. OSS has been around since Th night.
Is this typical? That a kid would ignore one parent completely and not stop by or do a meal? (DH and BM has joint everything and there was no PAS as far as I could tell.)
This is new territory so I’m curious what usually happens.
And I have not mentioned it to DH. I don’t want to poke a sore spot. If he knew I’m sure he would have arranged to see OSS.
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OMG did I read this correctly
OMG did I read this correctly you have an app to track people. THAT is so intrustive.
What else to you hack,,,i mean track.
Your are tracking, and asking kid re the other's whereabouts?
You can call it small talk, but let it go
Ok, folks, hang on
Yes we have a family location app. No I do not track the kids. The adult children have been told to log out/delete but being lazy, they have not. DH and I still use it to check for each other. It shows everyone at once so it’s not possible as it’s set up now to only see DH. But point taken, I looked at the app and can create a second group to delet the first one so the kids would be gone.
I noticed the location of OSS days AFTER I talked to YSS and only because I needed to know where DH was at. I did not talk to YSS because I was fishing for info.
They maybe enjoying a bit of
They maybe enjoying a bit of freedom as is typical of people their age.
I enjoyed going to college and not having to answer my mums where have you been questions etc.
My son went to uni today I guess I will just text him a few times this month, I don’t want to embarrass him in front of friends by sending dozens of texts.
I think I would prefer to know he’s having fun and not missing everyone too much. It might not be better for us, but it’s possibly/probably better for them.
enjoy a bit of your newly found freedom, I also have a two and a half year old and a one year old......
Some college kids come 'home'
Some college kids come 'home' , not to see their parent/s , but to see their friends. Some to have nights hanging with their old buddies while their parent/s , who are so happy to see them, foolishly stay home all weekend doing their week's worth of laundry.... but , Mom/Dad, I had to study all week (*rolls eyes*)
In other words, kid may have come 'home' and be staying at one parents house or another merely for the free bed.
How far away is the
SS college from BM house ? Coukd it be he home to hang with his friends, Something going on in BM town, at old High S ? There a GF in BM town? But then again he is disengage from his BF. By not answering BF text, it’s shows he is in disengagement. Not answering his fathers text is disrespectful,
i would keep reminding DH about Christmas time, about this
My Ss
would come home (to our house) for breaks during his first year of college. He would only see Bm if it was something like Christmas break. I don't think he ever stayed over night at Bm's house after he graduated high school.
Sometime after he started his 2nd year of college, he found a part time job at school and a girlfriend so he didn't come home much at all except on the holiday itself and most of the time didn't stay over night but maybe one night and back to school he went.
So it isn't too abnormal.
When my bios came home from
When my bios came home from college they rarely saw their dad unless he came over to our house which he was always invited over to watch football or hang out. I guess we were weird we still spent time together as a family occasionally. He had a SO for 13 years that he lived with. I wonder what she would say if she was on this site years ago lol. Her & I still keep in touch after my ex's death.
When my bios came home from
When my bios came home from college they rarely saw their dad unless he came over to our house which he was always invited over to watch football or hang out. I guess we were weird we still spent time together as a family occasionally. He had a SO for 13 years that he lived with. I wonder what she would say if she was on this site years ago lol. Her & I still keep in touch after my ex's death.
Yes it's intrusive... but I
Yes it's intrusive... but I don't care. I have it too...because I have teens. Teens do stupid sh!t, like lie about where they are and who they're with...
No, they are not aware... and again.. I don't care.
I will move mountains to keep my kids safe... that includes keeping tabs on them....and while I occasionally check it, they haven't thus far given me any reason to doubt their whereabouts.
They also know that at any given time, I will send them a selfie request, and they have 5 minutes to comply. For example... if my son says he's taking out with "seb", I will ask him to send me a selfie with Seb, each of them with their right hand on their left check making a duck face... or sticking out their tongue and go crosseyed while making a peace sign... silly stuff. They don't know if and when I will text... or what i will request... and if they do not comply, their privileges are all stripped and no outings for a month.
On your actual question, though, I would leave it alone. If your husband checks it to check in about you, I assume everyone's location is ALSO on his. He'll figure it out.
If anything... just make up an excuse that you're not sure if you'll be home and let him know to check it and see how far away you are if he needs to run an errand or something. Don't make it obvious, like you're setting him up to check it... but if he does, he'll see.
I’m curious, do you have an
I’m curious, do you have an age where you are going to stop checking on them.....
Nothing definite because even
Nothing definite because even if I say 18 adult... they could end up irresponsible despite my best efforts.... and I may end up needing to know my 25 year old crackaddict is still alive (not that o think any would be in that situation)
I want to say that I will stop when they are no longer my responsibility or dependant on me?
Remember that in my case, they don't know.
If they did know, and were told it was up to them to remove themselves and they didn't do it, it's not that if be checking up on them... if I happen to see it so be it... but I wouldn't use it against them. They'd be grown ass adults after all and would no longer answer to me so what would even be the point of bringing it up to them...ya know?