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Thank you for the advice everyone, sorry to sound so pathetic and you all were right

IAmALady77's picture

I saw a lawyer today so I could get some idea of how this hearing is going to go. A dose of reality was exactly what I needed too.

I just have to come to terms with the fact that my mother is a piece of shit and will NEVER be held accountable for what she did to me and what she is still doing to my sisters. I told SO as much and he had a really good reply.

He said "she is going to be held accountable, shes already lost her oldest daughter, it seems like shes lost her second oldest and the youngest seems to be well on her way. Someday, your mother is going to be on her deathbed with no one around and she won't be sad about it, she'll be pissed because thats just how she is but that will be karma for her."

And you know what hes right. Yes, I had a shitty childhood. I was manipulated, abused and as a young teenager I should have known right from wrong but I didn't fight back and I didn't do anything about her abuse to me or my sisters.

The lawyer I spoke to today repeated exactly what you all told me. It doesn't matter that she is a psychopath. The fact that she walked up to me and stated 'give your mother a hug' is NOT threatening in the courts eyes and the ppo will probably be terminated.

Of course, I know that her behavior IS threatening but her lawyer is going to make it out that IM the crazy one.

"my" lawyer told me I needed to just go to the court house and file to terminate on my own. he was worried about what a hearing would do to me and he was absolutely right. I am terrified of this woman. I know how it sounds and I know how it looks to an outsider and I can't go through being put through the ringer and coming out looking like the insane one again. I just cant.

I told him I was just going to terminate it on my own but god help her if she ever shows her face to me again.

I went to the courthouse and filed the paperwork but of course like an asshole I started crying because the lady was so concerned as to why I was doing this. I told her I didn't think I would "win" and it was better this way, I would just try my hardest to stay away from my mother without the courts help. Apparently this did not help at all because the lady said she was going to have to tell the judge what I said and he might not grant the termination.

Well, if he doesnt grant it do I still have to go to court since SHE is trying to terminate? Why would he terminate a week from now if he doesn't want to TODAY? It's practically a lose lose for me but I am just done.

I tried to stand up for myself and it didn't work.
Anyway, just wanted to update real quick...sorry if its obscenely long again.

Comments

CaptainD's picture

You'll be ok honey! Just follow through on your decision not to associate with her. Maybe you'll have to go through an embarrassing hearing, but she's not going to attack you in a court room. Afterward, it's over. You can move on. You can do it!

Corn Flower's picture

Hunny for these kind of people it is always ONLY about THEM.

Walk away; I understand your fear and loathing; but you are an adult now and you can stand up for yourself (your not that frightened kid you need to keep reminding yourself that). You can make the choice to not have anything further to do with your "mother" (I use the term lightly).

You husband is right; on her deathbed she will be alone and blaming her daughters for not being there and will still not accept the simple fact that her actions have caused her children to disassociate themselves from her.

This is typical behaviour for that kind of person; it is NEVER their fault but ALWAYS someone elses... She will try to convince anyone who will listen that she did everything she did out of love for you and concern for you and that she was only ever "doing her best".

Ignore it move on with your own life and put the spider behind you; never ever get caught back up in the web... and ALWAYS be aware that we (the products of these kinds of childhood) have to work extra hard at being a good and productive parent because we were never shown what good parenting is.... Finding that balance is very delicate.

Seek advice and help if you feel you are "losing it"..

newtothis03's picture

I would personally get another opinion for a different attorney. In my line of work, I see people get protection orders over the craziest, little things. If the Judge sees that you are truly scared of this woman and you have a valid reason to be, then he'll likely grant it. If nothing else, if the Judge decides to grant her request, you and your husband can always move. Nothing says you have to still reside in the same town or city she is in. If she attempts to contact you in the future, always keep a record. Rather it be letters, phone calls, etc. I wish you the best of luck.

lawyergirl06's picture

It depends on what the standard is for granting a protection order and it varies. In my state, a ppo cannot be ordered unless one of two things happens: a. a particularly violent act that would lend to the fear that someone might retaliate and harm again, or b. a long continuous history of harassing behavior. There may not be either of those things present here and an isolated incident (no matter how upsetting) may not be good enough for the judge. If you don't show up to prove the allegations (unless there is a statute that says otherwise) the court will just dismiss it. Civil cases don't have the same obligations as criminal cases so there is a good possibility that nothing will come out of you being absent from court, other than the protection order being dismissed for lack of evidence. It may be cathartic for you to be there to tell the judge that this woman terrorized you for years and you just want her to leave you alone. There is almost no chance that evidence would be considered because it happened a long time ago, but maybe even your mother needs to hear it. Truthfully though, if it has you this upset, the reality is, it's probably not in your best interests to go forward because the mental stress is too much to bear. If she conintues to harass or contact you, however, then you might have a stronger case the next time around.

IAmALady77's picture

Thank you for the support everyone. 'newtothiso3': SO and I can not really move right now, we have barely made a dent in our mortgage and it would not be beneficial to sell right now. That being said, she doesn't even live in our town. She lives about 25 minutes away. We live out in the country in a completely different county. There is nothing here, we're not even really a town lol. We have a bar, a post office and a down home family resteraunt and all 3 of those are on the same street. Everything else is dirt roads and farms. There is absolutely NO reason for her to be in our "town". none. When I told the lawyer this he just stated that its a free country and she can go wherever she wants...which is true.
I'm waiting to hear back from the judge so we will see if I still have to go to court or not.

newtothis03's picture

Well he was right....she is free to go where she pleases. Just make sure to keep a record of EVERYTHING...phone calls, dates she randomly shows up, etc. Keep copies of letters or notes she gives you. This way you have them if you ever need them in the future.