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Coddling and life lessons

Hastings's picture

I wrote earlier this week about SS10 not getting on to participate in virtual class. He's doing the work. But instead of class he was logging on for role call and then goofing off. Apparently DH realized this was a problem last week and checked on him a few times, catching him on his iPad and (a couple of times) *ahem* enjoying himself. A stern talking-to followed.

DH gave BM a heads-up. No response. This week, they hear from his English/social studies teacher and his gifted program teacher. BM takes a full day to reply. Just says. It's ok he's in now. Nothing about "I'm making sure this doesn't happen again." DH was ticked. He's also going to make SS do school in a common area and no electronics access during school area. Doubts BM will do a thing.

The other thing that made him angry. SS plays baseball. Last week, he struggled with a couple of things. Came home complaining that his foot hurt (he was definitely faking) and talking about how bowling is his favorite. He didn't like that he was having trouble with pop flies. I get it. But when DH asked BM how practices were this week, she said SS didn't go. His foot hurt and he just didn't feel well.

Nice precedent there. Something's hard or doesn't come easy? Avoid it or give up. Rest of the team be damned. Forget about that responsibility and being part of the group. DH is going to make him go, no question. But BM refuses to do anything that upsets SS. If he doesn't want to do something, she doesn't  make him. If he gets upset at a punishment, she'll drop it.

Anyway, DH is furious that she keeps dropping the ball and coddling/spoiling him like that. Don't get me wrong. DH spoils him too. But not like that. And no way would he let him just quit something because it's hard. I have a bad feeling about how this kid could end up. It's a shame. He's smart and athletic and good-looking. He could do a lot with his life but I'm afraid his mom will turn him into a spoiled man-child afraid of his own shadow with no clue how to handle disappointment.

Comments

tog redux's picture

Your DH needs to let go of trying to control how BM parents and do what he can on his time.  She has the right to parent as she sees fit, whether DH agrees with her parenting or not.

Hastings's picture

Of course. I think his concerns are more that 1) he knows this makes his job that much harder. SS is already showing preference for being with his mom. 2) The coaches and teachers constantly go to DH with problems because she's unresponsive. He tells them SS isn't here this week but they come to him anyway.

I think it's all just frustrating - partly because he knows there's nothing he can do yet it makes his life harder. Oh well. The joys of coparenting.

tog redux's picture

Agreed. We went through it too. Eventually my SS refused to come over or speak to DH and he's now a Failure To Launch. But getting "furious" about it won't help his mental health or blood pressure any. Have to accept and do the best he can.