Tale of two parenting styles aka I couldn't be prouder of my kids
As we know...DH and I have two different parenting styles....and then we have Beaver who's parenting style is...."let me be your bessssttttt frieennnnndddd". Now, all of our kids are just about adults and the differences are striking.
Halos's kids...raised by Halo who had standards and expectations. While I'm nuturing, etc....run afowl of my standards and expectations, then there were negative consequences. Up hold my standards and expectations (they were not that hard..go to school, do your best, be polite and be a productive member of society)....then you had good consequences. The VI didn't really factor as he had the same expectations just for different reasons (ie the kids are an extension of him..so he wasn't about to put up with crap that would make him look bad).
Now....lets look at DS
Graduated college in 3 years....got a degree in Macro Economics. Currently not working in Economics since he isn't sure what he wants to do for his career. Holds down a full time job, pays us rent to live in the condo we own and just bought his first car. DS will help with anything I ask...and keeps his nose clean otherwise. To note: DS is also high functionly autisic so we have always had to work with him more. DS also works with some friends to rehab houses they buy and flip. He has learned alot about construction, etc. through that. DS has a healthy savings and refuses to spend money on door dash, etc. He has become a very good cook.
Now DD...
Is graduating college on Sunday with a degree in Mathmatics, a degree in Accturial Science and a minor in Data Science. She just got a full scholarship on Tuesday (tuition and accomodations) from St. Andrews collge in Scotland for her masters. She will get a masters in Biological Mathmatics. She works, goes to school and keeps her nose clean as well. She also will help with anything I ask. I couldn't be prouder of DD..she won a scholarship that is only given to 3 students a year....and only 1 of the three is givento an international student. DD also doesn't spend much on door dash or fast food. DD's vice is books and thrift clothes....
Ah..now lets look at the skids.
GWR..aka SS...is now 22 and working at a chicken joint full time. No college barely graduated high school Dropped out of the automotive program he was in and so far spends his days/nights smoking weed, playing video games and peeing bottles since he is too lazy to get up and actually go the bathroom. He lives in his mom's basement with his girlfriend and three cats. No ambition and spends all of his money on gold chains and door dash (I still have access to his emails..and I'm effing nosy). GWR is/was Beaver's favorite child and thus she and her family all coddle pooor widdddle SS....he has it so bad.
SD...graduating high school in 3 weeks and will be 18 in 13 days. She is graduating (barely) and then will go to beauty school. She is at least a leg up on GWR...who from the looks of it..will probably be asking "do you want fries with that" for the forseealble future. However, SD also spends money like it grows out back on the tree..and also spends most of it on various fast food joints. SD is at least a bit more ambitious than GWR. She, however, is still a bit lazy but is at least maturing. To note: SD does have ADD so we expect to have to help her more than say DD.
What is the difference...I had expectations and standards for my kids. I was never their "friend"..I was their parent. I made that clear to them and I had no issues being the bad guy. Now...at 25 and 23...we can be friends...since they are adults and responsible for themselves.
Skids...Beaver was always their "friend" and never ever ever wanted to be the bad guy. Beaver just let the skids do what they want...since she wanted to be "friends". DH..was/is ill equipped to be a parent....he really needed to work on the trama from his family of origin before he had kids. DH just checked the eff out everytime parenting got difficult. (which was most of the time) DH always wanted me to take on the heavy lifting with his kids. That certainly didn't work since....they ARE NOT MY KIDS. There is a whole lot of resentment for me to upack with DH abdicating his parental responsibilities and truth be told all other responsibilities.
So..you can correlate the lack of boundaries, standards and expections with the lack of ambition, etc....at least in my household. That may not be true in other households.
Upside...BEAVERS GRAVY TRAIN HAS PULLED INTO THE STATION. SD turns 18 in 13 days....custody agreement becomes moot....then in 3 weeks SD graduates High School..and the CROTCH GOBLIN EXTORTION will cease...aka CS ends. Woohoo...and finally I WILL NO LONG HAVE TO HOLD MY TONGUE IN REGARDS TO BEAVER. OH HAPPY DAY...OH HAPPY DAY.
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You deserve to be very proud
Your kids' achievements are quite impressive. Good job, Mom!
What is the difference...I
whats up with men paying breeders to take care of their kids, they obviously don't, so now we the step-parents inherit a complete mess that we're expected to expend hella resources with nothing in return
When the math ain't mathin'
Anyways. Same sitch here. My bio is honor student, elite athlete, independent, philanthropist, college bound.
My ex's kids with his beastly bovine breeder = bumps on logs, sedentary, obese, mouths full of cavities, no interest in school/jobs/college, loud, clingy, needy, demanding, don't take care of their belongings (they lose or break expensive stuff as soon as they get it), minimal home training, etc
LOL @ CROTCH GOBLIN EXTORTION
LOL @ CROTCH GOBLIN EXTORTION
Dang near choked on my beverage here.
Love it when the breeders (and their crumbsnatchers) are REMOVED from the payroll
Completely OT
Aaaargh! St Andrews UNIVERSITY! It was founded in 1410, is one of the oldest universities in the world and isn't a mere "college". Sorry for the outburst but let your child's success be known!
And if you want
And if you want something that will impress even simpletons you can tell them that it's the university that Prince William and Princess Kathrine went to and where they met. *clapping*
Thanks...she worked really hard for 4 years
to get into ST. Andrews..it was her first choice. She also got into Oxford and Cambridge..(I didn't know she even applied to Cambridge). She visited St. Andrews about 6 months ago and met the director of her Master program. He really impressed her and she wanted this so bad. She applied to St. Andrews and they accepted her within 48 hours..I think the profressor was looking for her application.
Even better..my kid is a fair skinned curly red head that LOVES plaid and tartan. She will fit right in there...
She sounds incredible. Be
She sounds incredible. Be proud mama!
A similar outcome for ours Vs the SpermClans.
Congratulations to you and your viable solidly performing adult children. Just wow.
SS-31 is an only child in our family. His mom and I met when he was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2yo.
He is the eldest of 4 all out of wedlock children by three different baby mamas in his BioDad's brood stable.
Our son is a man of honor, character, peformance, and standing in his life. career, and community. Spermidiot spawn #2 is on the dole, #3 is in prison, and #4 is not far behind the inmate.
Though not St Andrews bound, ours is working to complete his BSCS (he has his ASCS) and has completed 13 years and 15days towards his USAF retirement. Less than 7 to go and he can draw his retirement continuously for the rest of life once he submits his retirement papers.
The difference in outcome being that we raised him with standards of behavior and standards of performance. We set an example of viable performing adulthood. He is modeling his own adult journey on our example and on the foundations of behavioral standards and performance standards that we raised him with. No doubt just as your two BKs have done with the example and standards that you set for them.
Ours also has ADHD. Though he was Dxd as an adult. This explains some of the quirks that we worked through as he was growing up.
It really is not rocket science. Though for some reason many on the failure prone side of blended families think that there is some secret sauce of good fortune that determines the positive outcomes that children like yours, and our one deliver for themselves.
Those that raise basement trolls like your SS and dole monarchs/convicts like my SS's half sibs, think that kids of quality are spoiled when it is the spoiling that ruined theirs.
Congrats!
On having raised productive adults! Same here! And YAY for government sanctioned extortion ending!!
We haven't heard anything regarding Chef's ferals since Mr. Not So Neutral has made off with his free fancy high end heating system for his pole barn/garage courtesy of Chef (and my purse). YSS21 last we knew was working at a local sweatshop glass factory, SD stb 26 was learning medical coding and got a job doing that, but who knows because combined, they both have the attention span of a gnat.
OSS stb 28 was the most promising after being given rock star pipe dreams by the Girhippo. He has an entry level job at the local ARC and is married to seemingly a nice girl. They bought a house but mostly with HER money. If it was up to him it would most likely go into foreclosure.
I see the police blotter everyday and expect to see YSS in there at some point. SD may get knocked up and go the route of LI but who knows?
Don’t think that the beaver gravy train
Is going to crash with out her kicking and law suit's. She will try anything to advoid working. Even if she dies get a job. It's not going to pay anything. And has to support her and SK. Make sure that you know where your money is flowing . DH isn't giving beaver money. " for the kids". That DH gets a allowance, gas, lunch, Starbucks. But not enough to support his adult kids, and Beaver
Beaver really can't do much at this point.
Our state cuts off at 18...no matter what. College..too bad...and SD isn't going to college. We expect the outburst from Beaver but I'm saddled up and ready to respond to that. I've had 17 years to prepare (yes I have been in this sh$t show for 17 years)
SpermLand ends at 18….
SpermLand ends at 18 .... unless the kid goes on to college or trade school and remains in good standing with their school. In which case it can continue until 21.
To continue until 21 the kid has to petition for CS to continue. If the petition is granted, CS is then shifted to direct payment to the kid rather than to the CP. Direct withholding from NCP payroll continues.