You are here

So Much For That: Back to Court We Go

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

This past week BM3 enrolled SD6 in daycare where she works for the summer. She didn't do anything wrong...she can totally enroll SD6 during her parenting time, that's no problem. The issue here is that she and DH have always been able to verbally agree and do what's best for SD6 without having to revert to the court order or drag each other back to court. We've always had an open door policy, been super flexible, etc, here.

We had all previously agreed that, just like the past few summers, SD6 would be here while BM works. We just had an IEP meeting at the end of the school year and this was reiterated. She was still in agreement. When she went to work after Memorial Day, she didn't drop SD6 off and didn't let anyone know that there was a change in plans. She just enrolled her in daycare and DH had to call and find out what was going on. He reminded her of the last year of having to work on a bunch of behavior problems as a result of the fact that BM is SDs daycare monitor when she is in daycare, and has no consequences for her actions just like when she's at BMs house. She insists on keeping her in care, stating that it's her main opportunity to spend time with her. Whatever. I don't really care. DH is sad because he is pretty sure the squeaky wheel daycare behavior is going to start causing problems here.

On the bright side, BM's stunt made DH realize on his own that he's reached the point where BM is going to do SD6 like she did her older son (who she now doesn't have custody of and doesn't get her visitation with). She's going to start doing what is good for BM and not what is good for SD6, and that they will probably be increasingly unable to agree in the future. They're sitting down Monday to come up with a parenting plan that outlines their parenting agreement in more detail, so in the future, when they cannot agree, they can refer to the parenting plan as the dealbreaker.

I'm no longer really willing to do any favors for BM. I used to watch SD6 when she got sick, when her mom had used all her paid days off from work to go on trips and play. I've spent the last 4.5 years cleaning up her messes, big and small. I decided this week that I'm not going to do that anymore, and she's going to have to start taking some responsibility for SD during her parenting time. This was really funny on the tail end of BM3 coming by last Friday to pick SD6 up, and then finagling her way to leaving her here overnight so BM could go get trashed at a bonfire with her sister. She was too hung over to show up to pick her own kid up the next day...sent her sister, who totally ratted her out for having lied about why she didn't want to take SD. Priorities. Ugh. Thank goodness I don't have shared custody of my kids.

Comments

Shook's picture

Oh right NormaJean! You're the one with the 3 BMs & the baseball team. You must be made of titanium. i don't know how you do it. I am just so impressed. I'm impressed with some of the ladies here that have skids that actually grow up & like them. Sorry for you to go back to court, sucks. We have one that is postponed till August then a big one in Sept. It's just horrible. Hope yours is reasonably easy to handle, good luck on that. As for babysitting, if there is a next time, I'd drop off her kid back to her the next day with spaghetti stains all over him...she'll have fun with that one hungover Smile

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

I think this'll go pretty smoothly. We're not actually asking for anything...more just laying out a holiday schedule and getting specific on times and dates. Specify that she can't take SD and move her out of the school district, little stuff like that. I sure hope they can just agree on stuff going forward. It makes everything a world easier, but it's nice to have a detailed court order just in case they can't, and it seems like it's coming to that.

I don't know how I do it either, but I've decided to stop doing a lot of the things I WAS doing, because it wasn't appreciated. And if they don't appreciate it....why bother? She can start doing it herself, when her child is sick and has appointments, or when school is out on work days...she can start dealing with that stuff herself. It's just not my responsibility. Had I known it would turn out like this, I would never have offered to start with.

Shook's picture

It's amazing how people just keep mistaking kindness for weakness. And Tog is right, she'll tire of being the quintessential mammy teacher sooner than you'll know.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Yep. I can't remember the last time either BM3 or DH even acknowledged that I go above and beyond for them and for the child, even though I don't have to. Sadly it seems that what was a generous act is perceived as having become an obligation. They couldn't be more wrong. I have no obligation to either of them, or to this child. I feel for the child, though. She's lost, like I was at her age. She'll grow up bitter and hate them both, and hate me, too, and she'll hate my children for being loved by me the way they are, when she is merely tolerated. As a mother, I would NEVER have bought that situation for my child with my shitty behavior. I would do anything to prevent it. Too bad for SD her mother thinks of little but herself.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

I won't take her back. She's not my child, and I will never again invest emotionally in her as if she were. I will keep her from harm, make sure her basic needs for food and shelter and safety are met when she is in my orbit, and I will extend to her the basic courtesy that I would extend to any child that approached me, but I will not make any further personal investment in her whatsoever. That is for her parents to do.