YSD's excuse this time
So YSD18 has been here only 2x since December. She has a lot of excuses, some real, some exaggerated.
DH was upset last night because she sent him a text that "C's birthay party is on Sunday so I can't come this weekend." As was already planned. DH said he was trying to figure out how to respond and suggested he might offer some travel help/timing help like "If you come over Friday you can stay until Saturday evening" or "If you come Friday I can drive you early on Sunday morning..." or something like that. He asked for my opinion. Uh-oh.
I said, I wouldn't be so nice. I would tend to be sarcastic like, "Oh, yeah, that certainly messes up Friday/Saturday too." He said he's trying NOT to do that. I laughed, said AGAIN (I always tell him) to be frickin' DIRECT. Ask her point blank, "How does that effect Friday and Saturday?" Puts it back onto her.
I stay out of it so I don't follow up.
She graduates in June and I was planning on giving her a nice graduation gift. But her attitude with DH lately and utter ingnoring my 18th birthday gift to her is reducing my generosity.
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I've gotten to the point
I've gotten to the point where I just accept excuses, whatever I don't beg for time from anyone anymore. People who WANT to see you offer solutions not excuses.
If your DH offers the fri/Sat thing I'm sure there will be another excuse of some sort. How long does it take for him to realize "she's just not that into you?"
He needs to take the hint.
He needs to either take the hint or DIRECTLY ask "Why do you not want to visit me?"
I've acutally told him
I've acutally told him EXACTLY this. He hems and haws around everything so much, it's painful to watch. I tell him she's 18, she's an "adult" going away to collge this summer and she needs to (and has needed to for a long time) hear about thing as they really are. Treat her like an adult FFS.
What Dogmom said
DH: "ok"
Child chasing is not a cute look.
I wouldn't even think about giving her a graduation gift maybe a $10 Burger King gift certificate is all.
LOL - she DETESTS fast food.
LOL - she DETESTS fast food. This would be funny.
There is no way I'd give a
There is no way I'd give a graduation gift to a skid who failed to acknowledge a birthday gift.
Exactly. I'll have a
Exactly. I'll have a discussion with DH about this too, about my change of mind. He knows he cannot change mine. If YSD was better at communicating with both of us, would maintain her contact with DH, sure. But she's making it clear she really doesn't care much. I remember being somewhat the same way at her age, but I wasn't allowed to get away with it whatsoever!
I vote no gift as well. If
I vote no gift as well. If she asks, be honest. "I didn't receive a thank you for your birthday gift. I will no longer spending my hard earned money on more gifts that go unappreciated. A simple greeting card should suffice. "
YSD will never ever ask. Ever
YSD will never ever ask. Ever.
Excuses are always fabricated
Excuses are always fabricated. Reasons, are legitimate, clearly stated, and not manipulative.
DH needs to stop shoving his nose up his toxic spawn's ass and grow a pair.
IMHO of course.
As for a gift, I recommend and B-day card with a pamphlet from the local all services Military Recruiter's office. This kid is so going to crash and burn in college. Be ready for the excuses then. They will come fast and furiously and daddy will shove his nose even further up her ass. In all liklihood anyway.
I think she might do ok
I think she might do ok academically, it's the social and personal stuff that's going to be her problem.
That was my story for the
That was my story for the first two years of University. Not a capability issue, a focus issue. Due to social and activity distractions.\
My first semester University GPA was .... 0.00. Second semester I took the same classes and My GPA was 4.00. That was far more dangerous for my health than the 0.00. My parents were pissed beyond measure over the 0.00. The same classes with straight As the second semester, I had to duck and cover.
Are you saying you were TOO
Are you saying you were TOO social? YSD is the opposite. She was the kid who cried if more than one friend spent the night because it disrupted her routine, or messed up the order in her room (remember I suspect autism). I cannot see how she's going to live with a dorm roomie or put up with general dorm / and normal college noises and social things. Now she's only social, MARGINALLY, if it's someone in her mother's complex or associated with her drama group (no, she's 10000% not an actor, she builds sets). And she doesn't really go "do things" it's always because of an event. She doesn't understand just hanging out.
Yes, I was too social,
Yes, I was too social, University was like heaven after my HS years in a nearly all male Military School. Out of a student body of nearly 300 there were only 11 females. The school was Grade 7 through Junior College.
College/University for me was a blend of the land of lotus eaters/paradise island. No structure, no responsibility other than going to class. Which I sadly did not do my first semester of University.