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Wretched woman, get out of my life. Rant

ChiefGrownup's picture

Took SS13 with me on my errands and lunch. Driving home I think I notice something on his hand. I ask him to spread his fingers so I can see. The boy is autistic and has trouble processing language so he spread his fingers on the other hand, not the one I was looking at. Cute. But that alerted me that what I was seeing on the one hand was also present on the others.

Boy has some kind of fungus in the webbing between all his fingers. Some of it is open red lesions. Child told me it "itches." I asked him for how long, he said "maybe like 20 days." All this tells me is that he is aware that he has not always had it but it probably developed more than a day or two ago.

I am so mad at his disgusting mother. Hygiene for both skids is a big problem. They fight dad on it because mom never makes them. So riddle me this, Batman. How does a mother not notice her special needs kid has fungus between his fingers? Every single finger?

This comes on top of DH waking up to a text from her Sat. Can we take care of her dog this weekend? Skids were already dropped off the night before, she didn't ask us to our faces. We told her we'd do it IF she came over with a check for the County and filled out the paperwork to get his license. It's the only way we could leverage her into taking the minimal proper steps for dog care.

So she comes swanning in Sat night, must "visit" and fuss with SD15 while she's here. Must tell her work stories she hasn't gotten to tell the last couple weeks since we started the "car is running" method of dropoff. The bile rose in my throat as this woman la di da'ed it all over.

She can't take care of her dog. She can't get the girl to school. She can't be bothered with the boy's learning. She can't teach her kids basic hygiene. She can't even bother to notice fungus growing all over her child.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS WOMAN'S EXCUSE FOR LIVING???????????? CANNOT STAND HER AND WANT HER OUT OF MY LIFE.

P.S. I showed it to DH, he is taking the boy into a weekend clinic to get anti-fungal treatment.

Comments

ChiefGrownup's picture

And she can't be bothered to entertain herself on the weekend or get her own friends so she has to insert herself here. Cuz, you know, she owns my husband. GU fu.

Also, can't edit the original post, SS13 only has the 2 hands. A total of 2. Crazy typo up there makes it sound like he has quite a selection of hands but, no, really he just has the 2.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Thank you, I needed some validation. I don't know how she's kept them either. And thanks for the nice comment, at least a total stranger on the internet appreciates what I do for these kids.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Looked it up and I think it's going to turn out to be candidiasis, not scabies. But that is one of the possibilities I saw. Do you have experience with it? I don't see the little formations of scabies, but I do see the whitish powderlike bits that seem like fungus. Around the open red lesions.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Thanks. I was hoping there'd be some good wisdom here. Maybe we'll start keeping that on hand. Since these kids never bathe, maybe we'll just start dipping them in a vat of that every night. Dump it on them as they sleep.

ChiefGrownup's picture

I think I'll get some for the house and put it on my own hands while he's here. Great idea, thanks.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Yes, poor kid. It will spread and get secondary infections lickety split without medical intervention. I do care. He is a sweet little boy. And he is always kind to me and even concerned when I am sick. Too bad his mother can't be bothered to do anything but stuff him with sweets and chips and call that mothering.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Ah, these are great tips, thanks.

As for cutting back on carbs, sorry, dear, you have unleashed my second rant. Kid is autistic so he has food issues. I get that. I really do. But I personally have been successful at getting him to eat a more varied diet when he's under my care. I make sure he gets protein and veggies/fruit/fiber with every meal. EVERY one.

By contrast, his mother stuffs him with giant bags of potato chips, cookies, french fries, french fries, and more french fries. He is a bit chubby and has diabetic grandparents on BOTH his mother's and father's sides. So basically she is fast-tracking him to his own case of diabetes. The info on the candidiasis says it's a common and difficult problem for diabetics and anyone with blood sugar problems.

So, awesome, let's give him more french fries and some chocolate ice cream. She would never put a green bean on his plate cuz I'd be shocked if she even buys them for herself. So he whines and tantrums at my dinners, but he's learned to negotiate (helps his language skills and emotional control) and always does find out he is capable of eating a few bites of vegetable. It's really not that damn hard! What does he want? Ok, in exchange for eating vegetables and behaving calmly, he gets it. Parenting 101. But not BM. She must cram the M&M's down his throat just in case he was THINKING about crying. Over anything. Grrrrrrr!!!!

So, anyway, I'm heartsick to see that the diabetic troubles are creeping up on him already. And, sadly, there's no chance of "cutting down the carbs" as you so wisely suggest because I ain't his mom. Stupidhead is.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Oh, ladies, she decided to eliminate plastics from her house (uh, I'd like to see that, uh huh--apparently plastic electronic devices don't count- in fact the only thing that does some to count is a drinking glass or two) and she makes her own laundry soap.

But it's all processed food all the time at her house. Sugar, fried sugar, processed beaten up white flour with sugar, and anything that didn't start out sweet or fried gets chocolate added as in chocolate milk with every meal.

Get this, BM also started sewing cotton re-usable sanitary napkins for SD15 because the girl was getting rashes. (Ew!!!) DH told me this and I couldn't stop myself from screaming -- "Have her change the damn thing more than once in two days! Have her take a damn shower once in awhile!" God damn that bm. No, it can't be utterly absent hygiene that causes rashes, it's got to be some fiber that goes through less processing than the chips she serves.

Was too creeped out to ever even blog about that before. Told DH she was not allowed to bring her "reusables" in to our house.

ChiefGrownup's picture

There you go. Either make sense with your philosophy or admit it's not really your philosophy. And for god's sake teach your children to keep themselves clean!

ChiefGrownup's picture

Update - the dx is "tinea" - drumroll, same as ringworm or athlete's foot! Happy to report DH took pictures of it, without my even so much as hinting it. SD15 then told him about some grimy, horrible towel in their bathroom at mom's house. It's so grimy even SD15 won't use it. But SS13 does. (Not sure how much I believe of that) But easy to believe the bathroom towels get washed no more than once a year.

Med has to applied 3 times a day. And any towel ss13 uses must be washed in hot water immediately after use. As in not once a year!

ChiefGrownup's picture

Oh, good lord, I can hear bm's voice on the phone as DH tells her about it. Seems she did have some awareness he had a problem on his fingers BUT SHE DIDN'T DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT. I HATE HER.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Thank you! Apparently she told him "not to itch it." Give her an ffing Nobel Prize. Open red lesions. Discolored obvious infection. Yeah, I won't itch that, mommy, thanks for the fabulous care. Damn her!

ChiefGrownup's picture

That's an excellent point! She was here 2x in the 24 hours leading up to my discovery playing MOTY in my living room and never once mentioned to us the boy had fungus all over his hands? Never once said, "Hey, son, how're your hands doing?"

Thank you for your rant toward our bm. I enjoyed it very much. When these things happen, you just need to hear other people stand up and shout, too.

Pilgrim Soul's picture

What a horrendous story... neglect at its best. I would be at my wits' end too if my kid came back to me with an obvious medical problem that no one took care of.

This is what happens when a responsible person procreates with an irresponsible one - then even after their divorce the burden on the reponsible parent is greater, even though each one is supposed to pull her/his weight on his/her turf. This was one of my greatest and least enchanting discoveries after my divorce 7 years ago: there is no equal splitting of duties and the fact that my ex is a similar kind of parent to your BM *affects* in very real ways what kind of parent i am: stressed, frustrated, over-worked bc he is under-performs. Not on my terms - on his own, when kids are with him. No homework gets done, few doctors' appointments are taken care of, no extra curriculars are given any attention to - it's all still on me. One of my greatest regrets is having kids with my ex. If he was a better father, i think would have been a better mother - more even-keeled, less worrried about money, more available to the kids for fun stuff.

You are my hero, CGU, bc they are not even your kids but you are there, in loco parentis, doing more than your fair share bc their BM can't be bothered. I would want her out of my life also. Does she not know any shame? Think of it like this: her only role in your life is to make you look good. And you look better and better as time goes by.

ChiefGrownup's picture

No, she does not know any shame. None at all. She's disgusting.

Loved your line about her job is to make me look good. Shared it with dh, we both had a good laugh over it. She excels at this job!

Since marrying dh I've pondered often how the greatest decision you will make in your life is who will be the other parent of my children? BM excelled in that task, too. DH, however, fell flat on his face, poor man. He is certainly paying for it now.

Oh, my goodness, thank you for your kind words, too. As all stepmothers do, I take quite a beating. Such an elixir to hear some praise. Gracias.

Pilgrim Soul's picture

You are very welcome. Your DH certainly learned from his mistake and picked a winner in you!

Overal, this is so ironic and a subject of many wistful exchanges in my house.
Both my ex and DH's ex made great choices ( we believe) when time came to pick the other parent.
Closeted lesbian BM certainly picked the best guy she could hope to get and sank her teeth into him with
a death grip. My ex cannot complain too much either: my sons are taken care of, all he has to do is
provide mindless entertainment.

But how did my DH and I, two smart, educated, hard-working people managed to make such COLOSSALLY DUMB choices??? We must have been gluttons for punishment.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Closeted lesbian. What a dreadful fate for an unsuspecting man. And usually that first marriage is so young and idealistic, he has no clue this is not just "how women are."

Our BM not a lesbian but did convince DH that women just don't want it. Thank god his marriage counselor at the time slapped him silly telling him not to believe it.

I've done my part in revealing the truth about women to him, too. Wink

As for you and your dh, smart and educated is really no match for deceptive and manipulative. Sadly. True for my first marriage as well.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Clinic said tinea = ringworm/athlete's foot. Also contagious. Hygiene is your friend.

Sootica's picture

SS is lucky that you noticed & that his dad took care of it. It's unbelievable that someone can be so neglectful and still have the audacity to be in your house and act like MOTY-personally I wouldn't allow her on my drive!If the dog isn't being looked after properly either perhaps an anonymous call to your local animal anti-cruelty organisation is needed?At least SS & SD have you & DH, poor dog has no one.

ChiefGrownup's picture

We see to it the dog gets medical care. She never thanks us. Seems to think it's, oh, what's that word again? Oh, yes, seems to think it's her ENTITLEMENT.

That's how the County license ended up coming to my house as in my house I owned before I met DH. Because I took the dog to get his shots and though I told the vet (they knew me from before my own doggie went to live in heaven) that he belonged to BM, I think they turned in the rabies certificate with my name and info anyway cuz they know people like her and they knew the only way pup would get his license is if I handled it.

I was just going to pay it and turn in the paperwork with her name and info instead of mine but this was a chance to make her do it herself. We had to cross out my name and addy on the form and put hers in. I made sure to sign it myself to make sure the County got it right.

We always end up taking the dog when she asks because, frankly, I'm afraid of what would happen to him if we refused. Leave him locked in her apt for 2 days straight? Something worse? She couldn't get him boarded properly because no license! And no current bordatella vaccine! (those only last 6 months, iirc, so you have to get them done every time you want to board usually)

We do what we can for the dog. She does feed him. We see to it he gets a haircut from time to time. The one thing I refuse to do is take the dog completely off her hands, which she wants us to do, because I fear she'll just got some other pet we'll have to watch being neglected and then rescue. No thanks.

ChiefGrownup's picture

If it was up to me, I probably would have. Sadly, not my monkey. But I am very curious to see what the school will do.