Are you serious?
Okay so this past weekend DH went away and SD spent it with her BM. Yes, it was heaven. Anyways Sunday comes around and I pick up SD from her BM. Once we are home I notice that SD who is 11 has on a rather adult bra. It was riding up and showing through her shirt. I asked her to please take it off and give it to me. SD's BM bought her a padded A-cup bra. SD who is 11 is just starting to develop.
A few months ago we got her training bras that look like a real bra, she asked for a padded bra, but I explained to her that she wasn't quite ready for one of those and when she got older and more developed then we would get her one. Let me just say she doesn't have anything there that would require a bra. Anyways I was taking her back to her Grandparents for her Sunday dinner and her BM would be there, so I told her to give the bra back to her BM and that she was not allowed to have that in this house.
Fast forward to Monday. SD and I were looking for her house key and I was looking in her drawers in her bedroom. Low and behold I found another padded A-cup bra with the price tag still on. I asked SD about it and she said that her BM told her to put it in her drawer and not tell us. Okay now I am seeing red. At this point I take the bra and throw it in the garbage. I informed SD that she should not be hiding things from us (DH and myself) even if her mother tells her too. Honesty is very important in out house and SD is just starting to learn this for herself. SD was very good about the whole thing and knew that she wasn't suppose to have it and didn't say a thing when I threw it away. DH came home late that evening and I told him the whole story. Needless to say he is not too happy and said that he would confront BM with telling SD to keep secrets from us.
- Cdngirl's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I'm glad you posted about
I'm glad you posted about this. I too have a problem with young girls acting and dressing older and when I've seen posts about this topic in the past lots of people seem to think it's just fine for preteens to be wearing padded bras and thong underwear and such.
I was feeling very old and out of touch. But really an 11 yo doesn't need to have padding. The should be learning a bit of modesty. Mind you I am no prude but really, I refuse to buy a child sexy undergarments.
My SD wears padded bras. Her mom buys her all her stuff from victoria secrets.
I think you are right to try to curb that. And I definately think you are VERY right to be upset that she is being taught by her mom to lie to you and her dad, the very people who are supposed to be able to protect her. How can you protect a child when their other parent maniuplates against you?
There was a part of me also
There was a part of me also feeling old, but I thought to myself do I want my SD to grow up with a healthy self image or one that will get her into a lot of trouble when she is older. So I am proud to say that even though I am young, I am old fashioned. As for the last part, we now have SD in counselling and I am doing my best to teach her that she is responsible for her own actions that her BM does not control her and SD has her own brain to make decisions.
I agree I didn;t let my dd
I agree I didn;t let my dd wear things like that till she was 16 when she HAD the boobs. SHe still doesn;t wear sexy stuff either, just some lacy panties and stuff like that but no she doesn;t get anything from vs either!
You know at 15 or 16 when SD
You know at 15 or 16 when SD can have a job and buy her own things, I wouldn't have a problem with somewhat sexy underwear if that is what she wanted. And by this I don't mean Fredricks of Hollywood, but some Victoria Secret. I will leave it up to her.
As one of my friends husbands
As one of my friends husbands said ( she is also a second wife) "if you ever understand the X-wife, I will be asking for a divorce." We laught about this because how does one understand crazy without being crazy.
I found headache meds in my
I found headache meds in my sd11's bathroom. I asked her where she got it (a brand we don't keep in the house) and she said that BM gave it to her for when she has headaches "but it isn't like I am going to overdose on it or anything". WTF?? I asked her if BM was under the impression we do not have medications at our house? SD11 said "I don't know why she gave it to me. I didn't ask for it. I don't even get headaches when I am here, only at her house." I told SD11 that if her mother sends her with some meds that she may/may not need to please let me know and keep it in the kitchen cabinet with all the other meds. WTF BM? Who gives an 11 year old a bottle of pills and assume she can use it correctly? GEESH!
This happens with us too. SD
This happens with us too. SD at the age of 9 or 10 carried a purse with all kinds of meds in it. Tylonal, mydol(not yet needed), tums, acid relux stuff, allergy. Just part of her 1) making SD older than she is and 2)portraying DH as not being a capable parent.
Wow the post is hitting a
Wow the post is hitting a bunch of nerves for me. Adult meds check, adult clothing check, etc...
Funny thing happened this weekend...stepdaughter11 pulled out a green dress from 4ever 21 and it had padded bra inserts. She walks out with it in hand and says you can fit into this right? I said no probably not in the chest area. (I'm 34D - natural) she says oh yeah I forgot your big fake boobs! I said "fake"?! She said no i didnt say fake, my FH said yes you did why eould you say that. She said because they are. He said how would you know the difference, she said BM told me!
I said really, well she is wrong! no they are real and nothing on me is fake. I wanted to add..you can go home and tell BM that and if she would like to see them (Senfield) I would be glad to show them to her.
Wow! What nerve!!! Glad to know that SD11 issues are the same or similar across STalk.
My SD is a large girl. Not
My SD is a large girl. Not boobwise...just a large girl. When it came time for my girls to start wearing bras, I took them to a department store that had ladies that could measure them. SD measured in at 42A (at the time). The sad thing is...the only bras a person can find (at my mall at least) were the grandma bras. Those big (tall and wide) cups with straps at least an inch and a half wide. I ended up going online to find a simple white bra in that size (still not an easy thing to do!) By the time I get the bra in, BM had given SD some of her bras. OK people...BM is large breasted...so SD was going around cramming her big body into a 36D! And sexy bras at that. I did just what Cdngirl did...I threw them away. She would also come home from BM's wearing thongs as well...also in the garbage if I saw them. Now...SD doesn't even wear bra nor panties. Favorite Aunt purchased her a couple girdles because SD was so sad that she was overweight, so anyway...FA got her these girdles and she wears them together...squishing herself into these things every day. I used to try to tell her that she doesn't need the girdles and she's too young (almost 14) to be trying this avenue, but I don't anymore. Let me make herself miserable with the girdles. She is only fooling herself to think they make her look any thinner.
If SD-11 does not have enough
If SD-11 does not have enough developed to hold an A cup in place then she obviously does not need an A cup. Your training bra solution makes sense to me.
I am a guy and even I can see this is jacked.
Good luck and best regards,
Ah, but Rags, you are a guy
Ah, but Rags, you are a guy with a NORMAL train of thought. I kid you not, when SD was 11 DH bought her a padded push-up bra. Yep, DH. I found it and pitched a fit. Asked him if he WANTED middle-school boys staring at his daughter's chest. He returned it (just to stop hearing my nagging, I think), so BM bought SD a padded push-up bra. Thus began a years-long battle where I would throw them away when I found them and SD took to wearing them 24/7 so I wouldn't have the opportunity. And DH was in the background silently supporting SD's decision to look like an overdeveloped middle-schooler.
Speaking of overdeveloped
Speaking of overdeveloped middle-schoolers....I was browsing around facebook last night and was shocked at the provocative pictures that some of the 7/8th grade girls have posted. They so know what they are doing, lol.
I stopped by my old high
I stopped by my old high school to visit a friend who works there now, and WOW. Okay, it hasn't been THAT long since I was in high school so I feel ridiculous saying this, but what is wrong with kids/parents these days? Fashion is one thing, but cmon! At least wear something long enough to cover your tush! I don't know what happened to the rule about your skirt/shorts being as long as your fingertips when your arms are at your sides.
On the other hand, I blame the mall. Have you been into a store lately that panders to young girls--like Forever 21? There's practically nothing in there that doesn't leave a big patch of provacative skin showing (alright for someone who is actually 21 or even 18, but most of those girls are far younger AND their mothers take them!).
I am just glad that my SKid
I am just glad that my SKid is a male. None of this bra shopping to deal with. A quick run in for a package of boxers (he is a boxer guy), a package of socks and out. 5 minutes no drama.
About the only thing we had to deal with puberty wise was a few months of night time moist deposits in the boxers, change the sheets, and move on. You should have seen the kids relief when I sat him down for the "wet dream" speech.
"Son, you are about at the age when you may find your underwear a little wet when you wake up in the morning. You are not having accidents in your sleep, you are not peeing the bed. You are having "wet dreams". This is when you ejaculate in your sleep. You know what ejaculate means right?" "DAD! Oh my God, thank you. That started a couple of months ago, I thought I was wetting my bed, I was so embarrassed. I forgot about that "wet dream thing in 5th grade health class. Um, Dad, you really don't need to bring this up again or talk to anyone about it .... Okay?"
"Got it kid-oh, this is just between you and me."
We are talking 4 or five years ago so I guess sharing this here may not get me struck by lightening.
Best regards,
Rags that made me LOL so
Rags that made me LOL so hard!!! yep had to do it with my son ok so dh did. He didn;t understand it either but beware of the one sock on the floor!!
I am Okay with the one sock
I am Okay with the one sock on the floor. As long it was a CLEAN sock before it was used off label.
Best regards,
What is with these BM's
What is with these BM's encouraging their LITTLE GIRLS to dress like... well, HO'S!!! My soon to be SD's BM does the same danged thing! This is a very chunky little ten year old girl. I had taken her and bought her some sports bras because they were the only things that were appropriate for a ten year old that fit her. Her BM goes out and purchases her a bunch of low cut, underwire, PADDED bras. It just sickens me. My SD also has beautiful, shiny, curly hair and what does BM do when she gets ahold of her? She straightens it. Also, like I said before, she is a very chunky little girl... (She is ten years old and we have to buy her a misses large to fit her) and her Mother will buy her skin tight clothing and low rider jeans. Really? Is she trying to make her sexy? Not only is she not sexy, this type of clothing is so not flattering on a chunky person. I just don't get it.