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why are there no support groups for us?

Catlover's picture

Seems like at least where I live there are support groups for alcoholic divorced amputee midgets (not trying to offend you if you are one), but if you are a stepparent you are out of luck! I have looked but can't find anything. I think it would be so beneficial to be able to have MY weekly meeting to go to for support! Is it because it is unthinkable to general society that we steps struggle so much in this role? What are your thoughts?

Comments

SMkelly's picture

If I had a stepparent's support group, I would love to go weekly. I would love to incorporate exercise, maybe a little wine or alcoholic beverage of your choice, share recipes, give advice (and receive advice!). And just think of the CRAZY BM stories we could tell!!!!!!!!!!
I think it's a great idea and I would love to start one in the town where I live and I would hold the meetings at my house, or if preferred, we could take turns with houses. I'm not 100% positive my FH would be in love with the idea, but that's too bad.

Amazed's picture

No one wants to talk about how much it sucks. No one wants to hear how hard it is. There is no government funded family therapy program for steps and blended families. There is no community outreach program. Because people who aren't step parents don't give a damn about step parents. Half of our husbands don't even want to hear our issues surrounding being a stepmom...we're an underground society of women struggling to be happy in an impossible situation and the women who are lucky enough to have a supportive Dh and great skids still seem to have a lot of issues with being a stepmom. If there was a stepmom support group there would be ten dozen BMs out there with their banners protesting the existence of stepmothers...we're loathed like abortion doctors for the most part.

sorry...I'm in a negative haze today. forgive me.

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

prayerhelps's picture

I found this site, while searching for some sort of support group that I could go to. I work for a mental health office, and NO ONE in the office knows of any support group for stepparents. I hope to start one, when I have more free time.

stemother42's picture

call them or any health systems.. I sent a fyi to them and asked if they would open one or have a group for this.. I am waiting to see what they say oh I know I would go..after last night..ugh anyway good one to ask catlover....I just got to Bengals Wink

squeegie_beckenheimer's picture

On Friday I sent a message on facebook to a friend's brother who remarried in the last year & I know has had his share of dealing with the ex-wife issues. (I was friends with his ex-wife back in high school, but lost touch with her, & over the years became friendly with his family.) Anyway, they have an 8-yr-old son & I guess had some huge custody issues. I've only heard bits & pieces of the story. And let me tell you, the few times I've run into his ex-wife, she's had nothing nice to say about him. I actually didn't believe the stuff she was spewing about him because it just didn't seem like him. And then when I'd hear his side of the story from his brother, it was all stuff I could completely see his ex-wife doing. So guess who's side I was on?! And the fact that he's now remarried to a really nice woman & she's still single living with her parents, tells me something is a little off.

ANYWAY...so I contacted this guy to ask him some advice on going to court & to see if we could all get together sometime (him, his wife, me & my husband). I figured it would be nice to have a couple HERE that have been through what we're going through & that could maybe understand it. When I mentioned it to my husband, his reaction wasn't very supportive. It's almost like my husband prefers to block out what we're dealing with until he has no other option. I need a support system to deal with this crap! (My family, friends & you guys on here.) It's very frustrating! At any rate, if we did get together with them sometime, I know my husband would be ok with it, especially if we also invite this guy's brother as a buffer. It wouldn't be an ex-wife bashing party because these are actually people I'd like to be friends with. But if his wife wanted to discuss ex-wife issues, I'd be more than happy to join in!

ChaiLatte's picture

I think BBB is on to something. If there was a support group, many would have to attend in secret. It's not like a lot of husbands would be okay with hearing, "Honey I'll be going out for an hour tonight because I need a support group to deal with you and your child." I would love it if there was one in my area, but couldn't deal with the stress of having to make up reasons to get out of the house to attend.

StepMadre's picture

but I think i'm the only step-mom in my town. Sad Or at least it feels that way. I would go nuts without this site and would literally jump up and down with happiness if there was an actual support group for steps like us (the kind that like and need to vent!!!) to hang out and talk in person. Great idea!!!

"A lot of people are afraid to tell the truth. That’s where toughness comes into play. Toughness isn’t being a bully, it’s having a backbone.” ~Robert Kiyosaki

marika's picture

Remember, blended families all work like they do on TV, so obviously stepmothers don't have a need for a support group! (Too bad we don't have a sarcasm icon.)

I haven't posted in a long time because my SDs are grown up, but I still read the board. This place was my support group, so maybe the internet is our chance for a safe haven.