Pregnant and feeling really depressed please HELP!
I feel like I suck as a human being and don't belong on this earth. I've pushed everyone away because I can't control my emotions. What value could I possibly be to a baby. I've messed up so much in my life. I'd be a hypocrite to raise up my kid telling them not to do all of the effed up stuff I've done. I use to do anything for the attention of a guy. I lot myself so much along the way before I found my husband. I'm even pushing him away now. I'm not happy or excited about being a mother to be honest I dread being responsible for leaving breathing human because I know I will screw it up. If I mess up with my step kids I can blame it on their parents if my own kids turns out effed up its because I was an effed up mom. I love the baby growing inside of me but I hate myself. I've tried reaching out to everyone I know and everyone is to busy. I talked to my therapist who told me to just relax and breath and rest. That doesn't help. i'm at home alone crying into my pillow feeling like a failure. I'm suppose to be glowing and flowing about admiring baby stuff but look at me. I could really use some support. I feel so alone and that only makes me feel worse.
- BMnotallowed's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Honey, trust me, everyone has
Honey, trust me, everyone has done things they are not proud of! I could write a book on my idiot decisions in life.
But you know what? You have to learn from your mistakes, and just file them under things not to do again...you have to change your perspective...you can teach your child from experience. I know with my skids (BS is only 7 so still young), I would freak them out as I knew the stupid stuff they were about to do before they did it? How? Because I had done it myself!
People are there for you, it may not feel that way, but they are. I did NOT want to get pregnant when I did, I was on the pill, but stupidly did not realize constant breakthrough bleeding meant it was not working :(. I moved to the USA from my home country for a trial period with now-ex, three weeks later discovered I was pregnant. I had a place in school in the UK, I had plans and I had no intentions of being a biomom. I thought I was too selfish. But, you know what? My son is the BEST thing that ever happened to me. Not only is he a joy, but he gives me focus. How can I be sad if he is here?
Keep talking to people, try and walk (weird but it always works for me), and know people do care.
First off, stop being so hard
First off, stop being so hard on yourself. We have all messed up a lot in our lives and I do not know one single person with kids that isn't a hypocrite......we all tell our kids to not do the things that we did. It is part of being a parent, you tell your kid to not do things because you KNOW they will not turn out good because YOU already tried it. Second, we all screw up with our kids too, man I could tell you some stories about my screw ups but that would take all day.
Hun, if you didn't belong on this earth you wouldn't be here, you are right where you are supposed to be. And of course you cannot control your emotions, you are pregnant. Talk to your doctor, see if there is something he can do to help.
As for your value to a baby, you will be its mother, that is PRICELESS. All you have to do is love that baby and do everything you possibly can to be a good mother.
Stop kicking yourself and start loving yourself.
(((Hugs)))
((Hugs))
((Hugs))
-hugs- I'm pregnant too &
-hugs-
I'm pregnant too & sometimes worry. Will I be a good mom? Will I be able to handle this? What if I can't? What if I fail?
You shouldn't hate yourself. YOu can't. You're going to have this little life that ADORES you. Literally thinks the sun rises & falls on you. & You should feel like superwoman for literally being that child's lifesource right now.
Forget about what you did in the past. Look at the amazing things you are doing now.
It will get better. Message me if you need to talk, I have weird ups & downs like this too.