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Young kids who look up to older stepsiblings (also under teenage stepchildren)

Anon2009's picture

This seems to come up on this site often and because dh and I have long been contemplating adoption, it may in my home too.

I can see how the older skids get frustrated with the younger kids. When I was 16/17, I didn't want some 8/9 year old glomming on to me. If I hung out with that kid/was close to them, it was because *I* chose to be. If I thought they were getting annoying, I let them know. When I was a younger kid I didn't expect to be included with the teens or for them to include me. I played with kids my own age.

Instead of expecting your teenage skids to include your kids, why not let your kids invite some friends over to play? Why not invite some of the neighborhood kids over to play with them?

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Starla's picture

I can tell you my experience back when I was the annoying younger step sister. My mom and step dad didn't push us to be involved with one another and we were grateful for that. I just happened to look up to my older step sister and she found me annoying. I was very annoying to be honest. Since our parents let us fight our own battle, my older step sister finally told me that I follow her around like a lost dog and that is why she doesn't want to hang out with me. That was all it took for me to back off and we eventually started doing things together and she included me in with her friends too.

So if I were in your shoes, I would let them be and not worry about play dates {so to speak} unless the younger kid is under 5 years of age. If he/she wanted neighbor kids to come over then I'd support it but I would let the kid make choices for themselves for who they want over as long as he/she is behaving themselves.