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threeandfree's Blog

Vacation and Court

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Court, GAL, mediation, restraining order, moving, etc. You name it, we are dealing with it lately. So for the short version, BM is moving out of her house that is in the same neighborhood as us (me and DH). She is moving 30 miles away and is planning on changing the schools for the kids to her new neighborhood. DH has 50/50 and BM is your typical angry, narcissistic, borderline personality type BM. Skids are 8 and 6 and my BD is 8.

Keeping BM out of my house...

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DH does all the exchanges at BM's house because I have said that I don't want BM or her BF at our house. Lots of toxic history with them over the years. I asked DH a year ago to not let them come here anymore and he understood and agreed. It's my way of keeping a boundary with them and not letting their chaos into my space. It's a big deal for me and DH respected that and it's made things a lot better. Until today.

Options for Communication with BM?

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DH and BM have had a toxic relationship for as long as I can remember and I'm sure before I even met DH. They can't communicate without fighting. To be honest, DH has gotten a million times better at not participating, going radio silent when bm starts throwing bombs, etc. Yay DH! However, lately it's gotten worse. I think because DH ignores her so she has upped her game.

Why is BM so embarrassing and rude?

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So, now that bm and dh are getting along, see my previous other blog posts, all the kids, skids and my bd are in a camp together. Since I signed up bd, dh asked that I enroll skids too. He is working like a crazy man this week so has zero extra time. Sure, no problem. (this was my mistake) So I enrolled them, dh filled out all the paperwork, I drop them off the first day and pay the bill. BM will pay her half later, fine.

Telling skids the truth or lie?

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So, it may not be that black and white, but I'm curious and in a tough place. DH and BM (I have two skids, 7 and 5) don't communicate well. They stick with the CO 90% of the time. In the off chance something gets changed it's always a battle or manipulation. DH has learned to not fight with her and just plan things around the CO. It's getting better, not perfect, but Rome wasn't built in a day.

Scheduling frustrations

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Do you ever feel like you aren't in control of your own life because of the skids schedule? Well I have and I decided that wasn't working for me. I'm tired of the 'let me check with bm' or 'I'll have to ask bm if we can switch the schedule' from my dh. Which always results in a long drawn out email war between them. They both follow the co and rarely budge on one off scenarios, ie grandparents visiting, family birthdays etc.