You are here

allinall's Blog

Deciding if a baby is the way to go...(Please give me more than the "Leave-him-girl" rants

allinall's picture

My DH is pretty much a punk when it comes to his son and BM. Where they are not involved, our relationship comes first. However, he goes really far to make sure his son is comfortable and his BM is off his back. If I ever speak out against things that I disagree with or things that make me uncomfortable I am considered selfish, insecure and jealous. So in an effort to appear to be those things, I hold SOME things in. Anyway, although I am married, this makes me feel that I still don't feel a good union with my husband.

I'm about to ask a question that many of you will see as mean!!!! But anyways...

allinall's picture

I know we all say that we love that our husbands want to be wonderful fathers to our Skids. However, I spoke to a divorced father this w/e that gave a totally different perspective on being a non-custodial father. He said that because he and his ex had such different value systems, he was able to "let go" of a connection that he had to his son from his ex. Now...he never said he didn't love his son and he always paid his child support and honored his visitation (while never fighting for additional time b/c he didn't feel it was necessary), but he never felt the need to go beyond that.

Becoming a Full Time SM

allinall's picture

I guess this question is for all the full time step mothers. My husband is fighting for full time custody of his son as opposed to our current EOW and all summer custody arrangement. His current job is demanding...more demanding than mine so I know that things like picking up ss8 and dropping him off from school will fall on me as will most other responsibilities for a bio mom. SS's situation with his mom isn't really bad but it isn't ideal either. I'm not sure how I feel about accepting this responsibility. DH doesn't have a lot of family help.

Teaching an entitled SS to Tame Disappointment

allinall's picture

My DH used to call me "nasty" when I would tell SS8 that he had to eat whatever was placed in front of him instead of dictating to me how he wanted his meal prepared. Well, recently he's been experiencing some behavioral problems (hitting himself in head and banging head on desk at school when teacher tells him to do something he doesn't want to do as well as kicking the desk, throwing shoes across the classroom and crying) I told DH that it appears he gets frustrated and violent when he faces disappointment and that that needs to be reversed by eliminating his options for anything.

TAKING BACK MY HOUSE

allinall's picture

M mom seems to think I have been too light in my dealings with my new husband and SS8. I've been married a month and been with my husband for 5 years. Over the course of a couple of years, I have disengaged and made my husband take over disciplining. When he misbehaves, I tell his father so that he can deal with it. Mom says...I handled this wrong and I should be dealing with it to the point that I shouldn't even have to bring it up to H. (He is not DH today) How do you SMs who disengage balance the power in your homes?

Does Being a Dad Seem to Stress Your DH

allinall's picture

DH and I just finished our honeymoon one month ago. It was like he was a different man. He was outgoing, happy, excited, talkative the WHOLE time. Even last weekend when we didn't have SS, we had a nice w/e. We had dinner, joked around with each other and came home and watched TV. SS is here now and the house is solemn. DH has a long face, his body language is stiff, he's not talking....it sucks!!!! I know SS had some trouble at school today, but it's like he's always worked up when his son is around or when something is on his mind concerning his son!

OK....SO WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE??????

allinall's picture

A little back story....when I met my husband, he often overcompensated for his then 3 year old by reminding him how special he was because he was so intelligent and left handed. (yes, you are reading this right) He allowed his child to speak to adults disrespectfully and enjoyed having his child engage with him and his family and friends in adult conversations. To him, it was funny when his child would sit there while adults were talking (at 3,4, 5 and 6 yo) and look in their faces and interrupt them mid conversation to ask them questions.

HELFING ME NOT GET A DIVORCE

allinall's picture

Thanks peeps for the advice. It seems that most of you made the DECISION to be happy in your marriages. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to shed my husband in a totally bad light. He's a good man...he just lets bm take advantage of him (I don't think this JUST started when I came into the picture) I think he's always been afraid of her...and believe me...she's a scary looking individual with a bad attitude. (Just STREET/Ghetto) LOL! Anyway, I've done some disengaging, but probably not enough.

IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE A GOOD MARRIAGE IN YOU STEP FAMILY, PLEASE RESPOND...I REALLY DON'T WANT A DIVORCE!!!!

allinall's picture

You all may be sick of reading my blogs venting about this, but I just can't get over it. I've been married for 1 month but in a relationship for with DH for five years. During these years, he has ALWAYS taken his ex's side. In the beginning, I stayed out of a lot of things. I would listen as she shouted insults about me loud enough over the phone so I could hear them and would not say anything. Neither would he say anything. Not even a "don't call her a bitch" or "don't threaten to hit her or destroy her property". He would just sit there and listen.

Pages