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What is SD's problem.....Dad too!!

lovin-life's picture

If a kid had a broken leg & recently got the cast off, was still limping.. was instructed by the parents/doctors to not run on the leg until after the final x-ray... Most people or a sports coach wouldn't have a problem respecting the parents wishes & doctors orders RIGHT!

It would be absolutely irresponsible to do otherwise!!!!

WELL NOT SD!!!! Hubby & I were just outside the city rafting with a group and asked SD to take my daughter with her to the ball game.. SD is assistant coach with her Dad this year....She put her in the game batting..running to 1st base..ect.. KNOWING FULL WELL that she had NOT BEEN allowed to do so!!!!

Knowing she was going agianst ME....in complete defiance of my wishes!!!!!

Daughter tells me after the game last night! So I tell hubby "I'm kind of pissed at SD." "Why would she undermine my authority as this childs mother and put her in the game the second my back is turned?!"

Instead of agreeing that it was not the right thing for her to do...
He said he would speak to her about it but at the same times.... He's glaring at me like I've said or done something wrong! Then says.."I don't think she did it on purpose"

What!!!! She is not an idiot..and she is not as sweet and innocent as he'd like to believe..all of last week we were adament that daughter is NOT ALLOWED to run on her leg!!!! SD was right there for at LEAST 3 of those Discussions!!!

If anything happened and SD's irresponsibility caused perminant injury to my daughters leg.....I'd never forgive her!!!!

This is getting rediculous!!!!!

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lovin-life's picture

PS

She caused desention in the ranks most of last week....it's like she's cranked it up a notch. She's had "control" over Dad most of last week...(at my expense)...so this week she's moving in on my kids?

My daughter wanted to be put in the game last week..we wouldn't let her..doctor's order.....
SD to the rescue-sending the message "Your Mom's a bitch but I'll put you in the game"

My daughter wanted to go rafting with us..it was already planned with grown-ups....
SD to the rescue-sending the message "Your Moms's a bitch but I'll take you with me next week when I go rafting."

Maybe my name shouldv'e been "Paranoid" lol

I see too much of the mother in these girls...the manipulation, the jealousy, the control freak, the men must jump when I say so, the lack of female friends....etc

I just don't know what the hell she's thinking or doing...it makes so sense...not unlike many of the things her mother does ....she makes me uneasy!

Allyceson's picture

So, what, she "accidentally" put her in the game? It's going too far when you'er putting someone's physical well being at risk just to spite your SM.

lovin-life's picture

Exactly...how do you "accidently put someone in the game". And as mad as I am over that..Dad's reaction has me twice as pissed..actually its more like HUGELY disappointed!! If you could've seen the LOOK on his face...directed at ME! Like How dare I have a negative thought about PRINCESS!!! And imagine me speaking my feelings OUT LOUD!!!!

He should've had that look on his face when he heard..that his daughter put my daughter's well being in jeapardy...to spite me!!!

Very...very...very....disappointed.......

Ohh and a footnote...

He had the nerve to say to me yesterday while at the rafting place... "WE should rent cabins here sometime ..since we were looking at doing that."

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH You bastard!!!! I wouldn't rent a cabin with you now after being ignored most of last week & you blowing off our cabin plans for princess. I just said "yeah".... but I gaurantee it won't happen!!!!!

happy's picture

I have one of those..
You have every right to be pist off.. I would be. I like you do not like to get blown off either for his kids.. But that is something I think in someways we have to get used too. These children will be off on there own in a few years.. Hopefully that is.. I wouldn't be so optomistic my SSis 21 and still lives at home.. Because he can't afford to be on his own. I mean pay rent or go to a bar.. Sorry this is not about me this is about you.
The SD did wrong. I think that her father is so blinded.. I agree how do you accidently put a kid in a game.. I guess you just found out that she can not be trusted with responsibility. Without saying it directly to her I would just make sure that the next time she ask or something comes up where she would be able to watch daughter that you just say no.. until she is responsible enough to respect your authority.
Does she respect you? Respect is a big issue. I think that SK should all be sat down when you are trying to blend a family and explained to that they need to show respect no matter what..
I can give advice.. I am kinda going thru a little bit of similiar situation.
I wish you luck and just try to remember even thought this is rought there is light at the end of the tunnel.. And you two will get thru this.. I try to look at my husband and remember everyday why I married him and that seems to put focus back on us..

lovin-life's picture

She's 21 and has been moved out for about 2 years.... No, I don't thinks respects me!

(Honestly I don't think respects too many people..based on things she's said & done to numerous people..tends to be self-absorbed..and trys to come across as superior to most of her "friends"...but that's a another very long post)

When she lived with us..she not once cleaned up after her dog..rarely fed/watered it..not once unloaded the dishwasher/picked up a broom/vacuumed/cleaned a shower/toilet/picked up her own dirty dishes/picked her clothes up off the rec-room floor/cooked at meal/washed a dish..if my laundry was in the wash..she dumped the wet clothes out onto the dusty dryer..After sitting home on her ass all day..She would put her laundry in just before going out..so her Dad/I would get stuck with it if when we needed the machine..

She was ignorant to my son...kind of bullied him. She was almost 19 my son was 9!!! Her Dad was put on this earth to serve her. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaad...can you make me ribs for supper?
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaad..can you put my clothes in the dryer?
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad..can I take your truck? (brought it back dented)
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad..can you fix my car?
And with everything he bent over backwards to do for her..she would come home with a coffee in her hand for herself and SF All for him. Wouldn't even bring the old man home a coffee once in a blue moon..for everything he does!!!!!

So as far as respect goes.....there's NOT alot of respect for anyone!!!!

happy's picture

I get to look forward too. That story you just wrote above is my SD who is 15.. She shows no respect for anyone.. And the sad thing is her parents neither.. I hear you on not doing anything around the house.. Wow..
She treats her friends like shit.. She treats my kids like crap unless she wants something.. But I think she has a rude awakening coming from my daughter.. She is 9 and I am teaching her to stand up for herself.. That no one shoud be treated that way iregardless. But your story is just so my house..
The SS is 21 at our house and does nothing either.. No respect for me or his father.. Well yesterday his dad cleaned his room and took all the rotten food out of there and cleaned the new carpet where he crushed a can with pop in it and let it leak all over the carpet.. BUt I told his dad if all that laundry gets put upstairs in the laundry room I am going off on both of you. And I will not bat an eye..
I feel your pain and commend you.. At 21 you would think that she would be a bit more responsible.. And care about the well being of her SS or sister.. I am not sure which..because now I cannot see your original blog..
Be strong and you no what start opening your mouth. You and the husband may argue about it but stand your ground..
I know I have to start doing the same thing.. And quit worryign if his kids like me.. At the very moment I did not marry there dad for them.. I married him because he is my love and my best friend..
* what really angers me is what is wrong with parents now days.. and I am not saying all but I see so many kids who are rude and show noone respect.. as a parent isn't that our job.. to teach our kids that. I am 31 with a 9 yr. old and 7 yr. old and I can tell you respect is something we touch base on everyday.. I will not tolerate them disrespecting anyone.. Plus the fact that I discipline them all the time.. I know my husband now keeps telling me you just wait.. His son dropped out of high school at 17 and finally got his GED at 19, I see so clearly now what happened to his kids. and I hate to say it.. But they ruled the roost and still do. And its sickening. Its like on one of my blogs yesterday, one of these awesome ladies said you just wait till your kids are grown and have totally made a life at young ages and don not depend on you and his kids are still sponging off of him and there mom.. Its sad but its true.. Kids that run there house holds are troubled and have no skills to venture out on there own. My belief is to teach your kids about life and not sugar coat it.. That is how we learn and they to learn. My daughter is 9 and came in and asked me mom what would you do if I got pregnant at 15 after i picked my mouth up off the floor I told her that if she ever felt the need to be an adult and do adult things I would hope that you would come to me and talk to me. She understood and has never wondered again. I stated that although children are wonderful that they are better when you are much older and have your life in order. I said being a teenager and having a kid you miss out on so much.. Because even though I love you the responsiblilty would be all yours.. I worry about my step daughter getting pregnant.. And I just know that if she did she would be coming to our house to live and I promise you I would not be taking care of it..
I am done on my situation now..
I say you be strong and stand up for you and your daughter..

lovin-life's picture

It's funny because we knew each other for a couple years before our marriages ended...and during general conversations..he talked pretty tough about child-rearing, discipline, etc...

And he has no problems telling my kids to clean up after themselves..or asking them "What were you thinking?" ..when they've made bad choices..that's how it should be!!!!

A few years ago...He knew that SD was drinking underage..she made inuendo's herself, she trashed her mother's BF's house one weekend when they were away. Her older sister..bragged about getting booze for the younger one when she was 15. He never batted an eye...he never said a word...no don't let me catch you...don't do it...etc... NOTHING!! NOT A WORD SAID!!!!! Watched her deliver booze to her underaged cousin..in front of him!!! But he condemned sister-in-law for "allowing" her daughter..(cousin).to drink in the home a couple months before she turned legal......... I personally don't see the difference! His perpective is all screwy when it comes to SD doing anything wrong......

SD had a BF all through high school....treated him worse than the dirt on her shoes.... She learned from her mother..how to treat people..but she is more sneaky about it. It was just like her mother's treatment of her Dad... he can't/won't see it!!!!

Her cousin is VERY attractive, smart, athletic, made it to Canada Games, etc... SD plays little "jealous games" with her as well. For example..telling her "OMG I'm so excited for you..Call me..if you get picked for Canada Games." Then refuses to answer the phone or return her call..for a day & a half. Then when in a group..for show....have the nerve to say.. "Why didn't you call me!!" She knew..she called..the number was right there on call display.....she was just jealous.

Hubby has some kind of blinders on when it comes to this child!!!

Many, many, many people can see through her......... but he can't!!

I don't think he ever will!!! I mean you say stand up, say your peice, etc....but he is so beyond rational when it comes to her!!

Me asking him to get her to put her dishes in the dishwasher used to cause a week long fight between us for God's sake!!!

Right now..I don't feel strong..I'm not really up to doing battle over this... I really think this is one of the (many)issues that contributed to the dismise of his first marriage!

I think SD is even better at manipulating than the mother is..she is more subtle..more discrete. I've seen quite a few passive/aggressive events with her & other people.. Bf's/bf's mother/this cousin/other cousins/father and of course myself and it worries me that Dad is completely in the dark!!!

I have to be smart about this....everytime we fight...SD wins!!! She was the center of soooooooooooooo many arguments b/w him & his ex..as well.. I think she enjoys it on some level..conscience of otherwise.

How do we handle this problem long-term? Both of my SD's are adults and live on their own....but they still have an impact on my life...and still have the ability to interfere with my happiness!!!

Same for you..in your situation... it will be an ongoing thing.

I have so much respect for these women who spend years under the same roof with ther SK's dealing with this stuff and so much more on a daily basis!!! They are strong women.....!!

hopeful's picture

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lovin-life's picture

"SD didn't do it on purpose." What a joke!! Hubby's got to wake up!!!! Talking to my daughter last night....she & my daughter BOTH knew better..decided to go ahead and put her in the game anyway..against my wishes, then argued back & forth who was going to take the heat for it!!!!

So I've been thinking about what to do about it..... Hubby was supposed to "talk" to SD about it...he tends to sugar coat things and prefers that he speak to her.(He's seen me this pissed before/she hasn't!!)

In the meantime....I MY daughter will not be allowed to play next game!! If she knowingly disobeyed "the rules" whether encouraged on by peer/step sibling pressure it is ultimately her choice and there are conscequences for that.

The bottom line is .. she is responsible for her actions & decisions and I hope BOTH SD & my daughter are happy with what they ultimately achieved. One less (really good) player on the team..as a coach and being benched as a player.

What do you think?

I still feel like SD will get a free ride.....I'm still pissed at her!!!! (Even if my daughter was in town next weekend..she would not be allowed to go with SD....I no longer have any faith in SD's judgement and MY CHILDREN will not be going anywhere with her unsupervised for a long, long time!!)