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Confused young stepdad help!

Confusedguy's picture

Im 24 my gf is 37 shes great love her with everything i have we have a really great relationship. I couldn’t ask for a better half. But...she has 3 kids 18, 12 & 6

Thwre great kids but very spoiled i dont really have to deal with it because we live apart i travel
For work so I probably visit them once or twice a month for 4-5 days this has been going on for a year now..whe im around for the most part there cool ..sometimes they act up but they’re pretty respectful kids but there is times when we go places and they want things they turn into spoiled brats and my gf instantly gives in..even at home she will ask them to do something and they always have a response with it like why? Or an excused on why it cant be done at that moment...when im there i back her up and say like “hey listen to your mom” or like “hey do it now no questions asked” type of stuff. I tried to tell her hey maybe u need to change this or that dont give into them dont give them what they want dont cater to them except for necessities like the baby dont need a toy everytime we go to walmart or we dont have to eat out everyday because your kids dont want home food...But when i talk to her about it she gets very defensive and says “is it affecting our relationship?” Or stuff like it works for me so dont worry about it..it gets annoying and i tell her im just trying to make them better kids when i correct the spoiledness or when i tell her dont give into their shit. Im tired of it but i dont want to leave her..what do i do??? Is its always gonna be like this??? She had been single for a long time before me...also all 3 kids come from different dead beat days that have nothing to do with the children..is she just being overprotective?? I feel like if i can support them
I should have some say

marblefawn's picture

Yea, it's always going to be like this. Except...it might get worse.

Read the writing on the wall. It says, "Shut up, butt out, and open your wallet."

I'm pretty sure everyone else is gonna tell you this too. Have fun, don't move in with her and when you can't take it anymore, find someone without all that baggage for you to haul around. And, oh my god, USE PROTECTION.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Dude, you are FAR too young to be dealing with all this. You're in your 20s- go out and have fun. You're only young once! If you were my kid (I have a 21 year old son), I'd kick your ass into next week. Do you have parents? What do they think of this?

Confusedguy's picture

Well, im not an average 24 yr old ..but i get it and i have thought like man im young i dont need this shit but i really love and care for this women and she respects my career and we have had a great relationship but it seems that is aleays an issue the kids...and my parents are very supportive they love her and the kids..surprisingly because my mother hasn’t liked anyone ive been with but this women is really good to me in everyway

0328sac's picture

Maaaan, you will find someone else to love and care for. Its not fair nor healthy to be financially responsible for someone you cant have a say in rearing. Forget that dude, you deserve the respect.

CSMof3's picture

Poor guy. I really wish I could give you some good news since it sounds like you care about her very much. But here's the deal...she is their mom and what she says goes. As good and correct as your intentions may be, it's not your call. My oldest is 22 and if this was her, I'd tell her to run like hell and thank me later.
Good luck <3

marblefawn's picture

Ummmm...yea...guy, whoever you are, it's not about you being 13 years younger than she. Don't listen to people banging that old sexist drum.

Parents typically resent anyone telling them they're not doing it well. Like you, I have no children of my own - this will always be thrown in your face, no matter how justified your efforts are. And like so many here, you'll be expected to endure the kids without having any say. Some of these stories are soooooo ugly and painful.

So go find a hot 37-year-old without kids or get used to this dynamic. Whatever you do, don't pen yourself in with marriage or shared living space. I can almost guarantee you'll want to get out of this someday later or maybe sooner. Travel light now and make your exit easier.

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

I didn't read past your ages. Walk away. Run. Just go. Get a nice apartment or splurge and invest in a large condo and rent out the spare rooms to cover the mortgage. Whatever it is, it's not worth it.

*edit* you are the same age as her kids. They don't have to listen to you and she's not ever going to see you as an equal adult. How did you shack up with a lady old enough to be your mom?

Thumper's picture

Oh my goodness. If you were my son I would PAY You $1,000.00 to end this.

NO joke, I would.

End it, find a nice girl with NO KIDS...and do not get her pregnant.

STAY AWAY From SINGLE MOMS....

By the way your not a step father. Your not married. Your her cash cow.

still learning's picture

Dang, I'll pay him $1,000 (in installments) to date my beautiful kid free 22 yr old daughter and steal her away from her loser unemployed jailbird boyfriend.

Dovina's picture

WOW! I have boys around this age. I would have them kidnapped and deprogramed, much like parents do if their kids are caught up in some crazy religious cult. I really hope you take the advice of so many. You are forewarned how things will be. You are young and probably believes love conquers all. Not with SK's they are the ones conquering. You will never have authority amongst her kids, they will see you as their peer, or less. You are closer in age to them than your GF. Think about that.

0328sac's picture

So yeah, Confused guy, the general consensus,(that you already knew), is get the f Blum 3 ck outta there.

twoviewpoints's picture

Protect yourself during intercourse. No babies.

Your GF seems to have a new baby every six years with a new guy (6, 12, and 18yrs old). She's due for another and as you are in Texas a baby will cost you 20% of your income. By the time any new baby ages out this woman will have had a run of 36yrs on CS .

Don't make yourself Daddy #4.

Date her if you insist. but don't shut the door on eventually moving on. There are a lot of woman out there. You're 24, you don't have to settle.

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

I am with someone 20 years older...too look at us, you may say yeah he looks older but you wouldn't guess it would be 20 years older. At a certain age, age becomes a number and it may not necessarily be her age that people are advising you to move on.
I think it has to do with maturity and life experience...I met my now partner at 24, but started to date him at around 25/26 the only difference between you and me, I had a child you didn't...most people my age didn't have kids and if they didn't, they definitely were not interested in the excess baggage- my life experience however had aged me in terms of maturity 10 years or more, reviewing Child Support, Custody Matters etc was like being married and going thru a divorce...very few people I knew were dealing with a separation and CS at age 22...at any rate, you are young but I will tell you dealing with stepkids they never go away...you aren't ready to become "step-daddy" yet and in all honesty, no one blames you...until, you can decide if you can be like a step daddy figure or like an uncle to these kids, I would take it very slow with the 37 year old...perhaps when you have a family of your own, you may understand...maybe it will work out between you and her I don't know...but if you do want kids- re consider the relationship and your future financial implications...I am now 32 and although I don't regret being with SO and the child we have together, if I knew what step hell was really like back then- I may have just left our relationship as friends, as that's what we were to start with...dealing with adult stepchildren issues and a crazy ex wife...yikes...- I think most people would send their bags packing...but you don't see it until your in it...where is the dad to these kids? Best of luck to you and your future love life.

Acratopotes's picture

WTF - I'm old enough to be you mother, now young man, what the hell is wrong with you,

The age between you and the oldest skid is less then half of the age difference between you and this woman? You are wasting your youth on this woman,
fine you don't live together but hell stop trying to play Dad to her children, you are to young to have this responsibility of being a Daddy.

I never thought I would tell any one this, but son have your fun with the way more experienced lady, she can leave her children at home, the 18 year old is old enough to babysit, enjoy the sex.... but this woman is not your wife, by the time you decided to grow up and settle down and wants to have kids, she will tell you she does not want to have anymore kids.... then you wasted 5-10 years of your life...

start finding a woman your age, and if you are to lazy to make your own kids, then the new girl 's kids should at least be young enough to see you as an adult, thus I'm talking about toddlers here, not kids your age...

You just drove this old woman to booze and it's only 9am on Mars

Old sm's picture

Son, get out of this. There is no good future with this woman. You are not the stepdad, you are the boyfriend and a wallet. This is not a situation that will get any better. Leave while you have no other ties to this woman and find someone without the garbage. Please listen to those who are telling you to run. If you were my son, I'd tie a rocket to you and launch you the hell outta there.