SD5 Hitting every day
My fiancé and I have been together 4 years, and have had regular shared time with our kids together for 3 years. My son is 7 and his daughter is 5. We've recently moved out of province as he followed his career which has meant that we have had his daughter for the whole summer. Since our time with her, she has gotten really carried away with hitting my son, and nothing is seeming to work in regards to having her stop.
She seems to never do it when my fiancé is home, but in saying that, she is with just my son and I a lot more as I am off for the summer and her dad works full time. I can say in the month that we've had her, it has happened almost every day and none of the times have been when my fiancé was around. I have tried time outs, calm serious chats, I've raised my voice, early bed times, no treats, loss of toys or special outing privileges... nothing is working. It seems to be getting worse, she has recently learned that it hurts most to hit him in his privates.
I can't help the mama bear feeling inside me but also know that at young ages hitting is part of the program, however I feel like she might be a bit past the age of acceptance for that kind of behaviour. My fiancé and I have talked about it and we believe its most likely just jealousy but regardless, it needs to stop. There is literally no way we can show this girl any more attention and affection. I find her already quite needy in comparison so by the end of the day I am exhausted because I try to zone in so much more to avoid that jealousy that might invoke some sort of reaction whether it be hitting or the 1000th tantrum of the day because my son got 1 more cheese puff then she may have.
Anyone one who has a new plan of attack, please help!
Put her in daycare when your
Put her in daycare when your DH is at work. If he needs to run errands - even to the corner store for milk - he can take her with him. The less access she has to your son, the fewer opportunities she has to hit him.
Thats what I already
Thats what I already mentioned for next year. As of now, she goes back in less than 2 weeks so it seems hardly practical.
Maybe not. Is there some
Maybe not. Is there some church daycare nearby he can take her to? She can wallop on your son plenty of times in 2 weeks. How old is your son, BTW?
Has the girl been seen by her
Has the girl been seen by her pediatricion and been assessed for anything? That would be a good place to start.
No, and I suggested that many
No, and I suggested that many of times. I told him I didn't think she knows how to handle her anger because I've never seen a child lose their cool over such small things like she does. Don't get me wrong, I've seen my fair share of tantrums from working at a day care centre, but this is usually more than a tantrum. Unfortunately I am only a step parent with little say, and the parents don't seem to think its significant enough for a visit. In the mean time, I have her practice counting to 10 and back or deep breathing in the brink of an outburst.
Well if mom or dad refuse to
Well if mom or dad refuse to do anything about it, then they will need to deal with their child, not you...it's very simple "sorry SO she keeps hitting my child and really hurting him, as my sons parent I must protect him...you will need to find other accomidtions because what I'm doing isn't working. If this upsets you I'm sorry but my child needs to feel safe and protected...perhaps have your daughter seen by her pediatrician so they can let you know if this behaviour is normal or not."
He is 7.
He is 7.
I wouldn't blame your son one
I wouldn't blame your son one little bit if he hit her back, and I wouldn't blame you if you turned a blind eye to it. I rarely, rarely advocate such a thing, but this is one of those times....
I have but it doesn't work
I have but it doesn't work either. He will do it very gently however, because he feels bad about it (which makes me even more angry about how freely she does it to him). But when he does she screams bloody murder... makes it hard to turn a 'blind eye'. I tell her I can't be mad at him for doing it back and if she doesn't want him to do it to her, then she shouldn't do it to him first.
SD used to do this to DS and
SD used to do this to DS and SS. She was about 4 years old then. DS is 4 years older than her and SS is 2 years older. It got so bad that DH and I talked and decided that if she was going to hit them that they'd get to hit her back. We talked with the boys and explained to do they same back to her. If she hit them they'd come get us and get to hit her back. It only took a few days and she stopped hitting them. We had tried everything. That's the only thing that worked.
Sometimes the only way to
Sometimes the only way to silence a barking dog is to bark louder. Same goes for situations like this. If she's going to insist on hitting, then she gets hit in return.
He has, but with a fraction
He has, but with a fraction of the force she uses because "he doesn't think she likes being hit". That is literally what he told me. She hasn't learned because he hasn't actually hurt her back when he does it. I find it very hard to tell him to hit her harder..
Poor kid. I would find it
Poor kid. I would find it difficult not to smack her hard enough to hurt on his behalf. Believe me, she'll learn once she feels pain a few times.
Okay, you cant hit SD back,
Okay, you cant hit SD back, but there are other ways to cause pain... Make her stand on her tippy toes with her knees straight and her hands stretched as high up the wall as she can for x amount of time when she hits. Increase the time with each occurrence.
As soon as her dad leaves the
As soon as her dad leaves the house put her in her room alone for the rest of the day. Lather, rinse, repeat. If she hits, smack her on the back of the hand with notable force to show her that hitting hurts then banish her to her room for the rest of the day.
If you want to make a more significant impression.... find a space in your house that is empty, put her in it alone with no toys, etc... and she can learn to treat people appropriately or she can spend her time completely alone with nothing to do but sit and think. That is the one thing that got my Skid's attention as a punishment. A room in our home with only an antique wooden school desk in it. He hated it. As he got older we added countless sentences in perfect handwriting. Before we bought the bigger house when necessary we would put him in a corner with his nose in contact with both intersecting walls and there he sat until we got tired