Why do I put in my two cents?
Forums:
My husband and I have been married 5 years this October. We started dating March of 2011. His girls was 15 and 17. I could write a book about the complications I've had the last 6 years but I wont bore you with my woes.
I try to distance myself quite often from my step daughters. They have no appreciation or respect for me unless they what something. I've tried my hardest to have a relationship with these girl. But, nothing I do is good enough. They are both very jealous of their brother.
They are now 23 and 21. Our son is 4. The oldest daughter has 2 boys herself, 3 and 1. The oldest daughter thinks she knows it all, and has never worked a job in her life.
Are they still living with
Are they still living with you..that would be helllish. Putting in your 2 cents is hard to avoid sometimes, it takes active disengagement . Focus on your little boy and care less what recognition they give you. Expecting thanks only hands them the power to disappoint you.
WW, What you describe is
WW, What you describe is pretty much what happens to a lot of us. Don't know how long your DH was single before he met you but if it was very long one of the SDs (in your case the older one) will become a 'mini-wife'. A lot of times our DHs create this situation by not giving the skids appropriate boundaries. They depend on them a bit too much, confide in them, and make them feel complimented that they are now placed in an equal role to the DH. When DH marries, the SD does not want to go back to being in a child/parent relationship with their Dad so they sharpen their claws and go after the SM.
Usually, the SM is vulnerable because she wants the skids to like and accept her. She will do everything to succeed in this, so she puts up with far more abuse than she would from anyone else. Finally, she gets overly-saturated with the hate the skids continually spew out. Then she complains to DH which usually cases him to rebel against her - he doesn't have the courage to approach them because he doesn't want to lose them. So he starts throwing SM under the bus and gas-lights her with statement like, "I never saw it", or "You hate my kids." Or the skids will complain to him that you are not making them comfortable.
The thing is, if DH had shown the skids his marriage is his top priority, and expected them to respect SM as his wife, all of the conflict would have been totally unnecessary.
We usually disengage for out sanity. This means no discussion about skids with DH. If he brings them up, let him go on for a few minutes, then change the subject. When the skids cone to your home, treat them like they treat you. If they want anything tell them to see DH. Do not allow them to take up any space in your brain. You owe this to yourself and your little boy.