Inheritance issues make me want to scream!
I am new and I am so happy I found this place because I really need to VENT!
To keep things short, my stepson who is 20 stopped visiting us after years of his mother and him creating endless drama and fights.
When he was 17, my husband said he won't force his son to visit anymore and told him it was up to my stepson to decide if he wants to be a part of our lives.
When he was 18, my stepson asked my husband how he will be transferring his college money to him. He asked after almost a year of no visits. My husband has enough saved to give my stepson a full ride but he said he will only support someone who wants to have a relationship with him.
It caused all sorts of drama and my husband's father (FIL) got involved and my stepson never talked to my husband since. We heard he got loans that my FIL cosigned for.
Unfortunately, two months ago my FIL passed away. It was a very sad time but now there is a huge rift in the family because my FIL changed his will in the last minute and left his only property to my stepson.
This house is used as a vacation house by all our families, which includes my husband's two brothers. It is located in a very nice area and is worth millions.
Personally, I do not really mind that my stepson got the house. It was my FIL's decision to leave it to him. But my stepson is trying to sell the house because he wants to pay for college and he can't even afford the property taxes on it. The money he got from FIL will barely cover the monthly maintenance for two years.
My husband's brother feels put out because he had been paying thousands every year for the maintenance under the assumption that he would inherit the house and keep it in the family. It was all discussed with my FIL long ago and everyone was happy with the arrangement. There was no indication that my FIL changed his mind.
And sadly, there is a lot of sentimental reasons involved why the brothers want the house to stay in the family. It involves children who have passed away and I can't disclose too much but I understand their feelings completely.
Now, accusations are flying that this was all my husband's fault. There have been near physical fights between brothers who are the best of friends.
My husband spoke to my stepson about not selling the house and my stepson said he won't sell it only if his loans and college are paid off and if my husband and his uncles keep paying for the house's expenses.
I believe my husband will agree to this just to keep his family from being torn apart. I feel like my stepson is manipulating the situation to get what he wants. He was given the choice of being bought out of the house for a very generous amount of money. But he wants the best of both worlds.
Also, my stepson has used this situation to give himself a pass for all the hell he put us through over the years and is acting like everything is ok again. And everyone in my husband's family is going along with it because of a goddamn HOUSE!
No one wants to upset my stepson because of all this. I also heard my husband talking about buying my stepson a car this summer. Gee, I wonder where he got that idea?
I just needed to get this bs off my chest. Thanks for listening, whoever you are.
Actually, the last bit you
Actually, the last bit you wrote about is being investigated. There is some evidence that my FIL wasn't all there towards the end.
He had a wonderful relationship with his sons and everything was discussed clearly almost 10 years ago. The change in the will was a bit of a shock.
Of course, it is a very sensitive situation. My stepson is still family and nobody wants to burn bridges.
For the time being, the sale of the house has been stopped so more options can be explored.
My husband and his brothers have actually offered to buy the house at nearly market value. However, my stepson has a problem that my husband would be using his college money as part of that purchase. We aren't really sure what my stepson wants. I don't want to disclose too much.
I'll share this with my
I'll share this with my husband. I secretly hope they do buy it and ban my stepson from ever visiting that house. We used to be such a close family. This behavior from my stepson is a new low.
"my stepson has a problem
"my stepson has a problem that my husband would be using HIS college money as part of that purchase."
Really? Since when was the money that his father was saving ever ss's?! If he had had the decency to visit his father it would have all been given to him, instead he took out loans rather than talk with and try to repair the relationship. It is not HIS money. Respect your parents if you expect them to pay for things.
"We aren't really sure what my stepson wants."
He wants the million dollar house, his loans paid off, and for all the maintenance costs to be paid so he can sit pretty. On top of that he still wants to control daddy and his money through withholding affection.
I'm with the poster who said to buy it as a trust anonymously.
never negotiate with
never negotiate with terrorists. Either SS sells the house to his family, or he sells it to strangers. paying his loans and all the upkeep costs will end badly.....
the brother should go after grandpa's estate for any money he has paid.
The estate should go after SS for SS to pay the estate for his loans (or SS just goes it alone)
Everyone should STFU to your dh....all of this is between the esate and various parties.
also look into undue influence, but it is hard to prove that someone was unsound when they signed a will.
If your DH caves to any of the various demands...you should consider divorce because it will not end well.
I agree with all of this.
I agree with all of this. Although divorce is a bit drastic. Emotions are running high right now.
I don't even have a dog in this fight. But having to deal with these emotions in my home has been frustrating and stressful.
I meant you might want to
I meant you might want to consider that if your DH is going to be spineless and cough up the college fund and cave to his siblings demand and buy the house on top of it. Divorce for you is way better than being bankrupt in your old age if your DH cannot stand up to his little darling son.
I think no one should bail ss out right now- let him figure out how to pay the taxes and upkeep and sell it if he cannot.
SS is now set for life (if he is smart)....there is no need for the college fund to go to him and also no need for him to get an inheritance from your DH (or uncles), since the inheritance seems to have magically skipped a generation,
Depending on what state you are in, there very may well be an inheritance tax, which is different that an estate tax. My state imposes an inheritance tax on any heir other than a spouse, but I believe the estate pays it....check with the executor on this, if the executor is sympathetic and there is an inheritance tax, perhaps it can be arranged that either ss pays it, or the estate needs to sell the house to pay its bills. In that case, the house could be sold by the executor and ss gets what is left over in $$$ after the estate pays its bills. Depending on when grandpa died, the brother that paid the taxes may be able to recoup this years or last years from the estate.
but it is hard to prove that
but it is hard to prove that someone was unsound when they signed a will.
Leaving a house worth millions to a 20 year old college student who can't afford the property taxes or maintenance is not the most sane thing to do!
But I know what you are saying.
The FIL really screwed everybody, didn't he?
He doesn't want to sell it to
He doesn't want to sell it to my husband and his brothers because my husband would be using his college money for the purchase. It's a complicated situation.
That is a good idea actually.
That is a good idea actually. I will pass it along to my husband. Thanks.
I do agree that they should
I do agree that they should just give up on the house.
Unfortunately there is some really deep feelings attached to that house for us. It involves children who have passed away and I think you would empathize too. I know why they want to keep the house.
Humans are emotional creatures unfortunately and my family has a strong attachment to that house for many reasons.
I like the idea of a trust buying the house so my stepson won't even know who it was. The house market has cooled a lot too. I don't think there will be a bidding war.
I'm going to guess that SS
I'm going to guess that SS won't sell it to the family even though OP has not stated that, thus that is why this entire situation is a huge problem. Because obviously if the family just buys the house from the SS then there would be no reason for anyone to be upset.
Doesn't anyone think it is
Doesn't anyone think it is odd that Grandpa left a multi million dollar vacation home to a kid that doesn't have a job?
Wowzah he will have to come UP with Inheritance tax on the home, at a tune of 'maybe 28percent' depending on your state.
Sit back, grab some popcorn---this will get very bad.
SS should sell it to his dad
SS should sell it to his dad and uncles and then go blow that wad on a likely unsuccessful college effort. Then SS can learn a lesson and learn it again when the house goes to others when it shifts to the next generation.
Honestly I think that the
Honestly I think that the best idea here is the blind buy. Get an agent to purchase the house for the family and NOBODY say they are the ones buying it. The SS will not sell the house if his dad is involved out of spite, but he really can't afford it and would need to take a hit to sell it so fast (unless it's in a sweet spot where real estate is booming?)
I like the 'blind buy' idea.
I like the 'blind buy' idea. Besides investigating whether FIL was in his right mind, BIL should send SS a bill for all of the maintenance expenses he has incurred. If SS can't pay BIL a lien can be placed on the house.
A blind buy is NOT "cheating
A blind buy is NOT "cheating the kid". It would be cheating the kid if they tried to get the house for less than it's worth. A blind buy simply removes the emotion from the sale. If the family already made an offer on the house and the kid refused solely because he doesn't want his dad to have it, but would blind sell it to someone else for the EXACT same amount, the kid is not being cheated. He received what grandpa wanted - $$ for college from the sale of the home. The fact that the kid didn't get to punish his daddy doesn't cheat him out of anything.
In my life I have purchased 6
In my life I have purchased 6 homes and with the exception of purchases directly from the builder I have never met the seller nor have I met the buyer when I have sold a home.
Yes he can. There was a
Yes he can. There was a prior will which spelled out the intent that the BIL maintain the property. If he had to sue for it he would have a good chance of recouping the funds for maintenance which directly effects the equity of the house. Check it out with a lawyer.
Yep. This jibs with what my
Yep. This jibs with what my family has experienced. I was the sole heir and beneficiary of my GGM's estate. She left everything to her first GGK. That was me.
My Great Uncle owned the property adjacent to my GGM's property and cared for that property and for my GGM during her elder years. At the last minute he put a new Will in front of his mother (my GGM) which she signed. She was not competent or rational at the time. She would sign anything anyone put in front of her and told her to sign.
To make a long story shorter...... The last Will could likely have been successfully contested and the previous Will re-instated. Counsel did indicate that due to my GUnc's long history of care for the property and my GGM in her dotage that he would likely get a notable amount of compensation from the estate prior to settlement.
My parents not to contest the sitaution. I was only 8yo at the time.
My parents felt that my GUnc earned it with his dedication and support of his mother. I agree with my parents. Though I would not mind owning a part of that side of my families original land grant plantation.
http://blogs.findlaw.com/law_
http://blogs.findlaw.com/law_and_life/2013/12/legal-how-to-collecting-mo...
You're jumping a bit too soon
You're jumping a bit too soon as to prove we are all ignorant. It seems very important to you. Sad. I never said a relative does not have the right to cut someone out of their will. No one said the money for maintenance was a loan. The BIL COULD sue but an easier way is to place a lien on the house for what he contributed in maintenance which ultimately affects the value of the property at the time of sale - provided he has kept good records. This does depend on individual state laws and SS's desire to sell. Then SS would also be paying capital gains - even if the property was valued less than $500,000.
Man, what a cash cow that
Man, what a cash cow that would be! Just go up to people on the street, scream that you hate them and never want to see them again, then hold out your hand and demand money. Be sure to do this in a crowded place. Then your target, and any bystanders, will say, "Oh, you must be a COD!" and insist on giving money themselves. Soon, you can be rich beyond your wildest dreams.
No need to send emails from Nigeria, no need to start a GoFundMe - you can work from home and make millions in just a few weeks! You too can get rich by cutting people out of your life and getting them to pay you good money for it!
Grandpa may or may not have
Grandpa may or may not have been of sound mind when he did this. Grandpa bypassed all of his children, and any other grandchildren, to leave this to this grandson.
Declaring someone not legally competent is hard when they are alive and almost impossible after death (well at least in my state).
But, we also don't know how much the estate was worth. Did the brothers get substantial inheritances and the house was needtoscream's DH's share of the estate that grandpa gave to the grandson?
It's time for everyone to move on (my opinion). SS needs to sell the house, repay his loans, and finish paying for college. DH needs to keep the college money and use it for his retirement. The two brothers need to decide if they want to use a straw buyer to purchase the house without brother #3. DH is going to have to get used to vacationing without his brothers in the future. DH joining the family for vacation at the homestead are not going to happen.
And nothing has been said
And nothing has been said about the influence of the BM on SS. He learned this entitled attitude from someone! SS doesn't get his way with daddy big bucks so he runs to grandpa with his one sided sob story.
Heaven forbid daddy put any limits or set boundaries with his offspring.
When my SD was a senior in
When my SD was a senior in high school, DH and I moved from one town away to one county away (we had to for financial reasons, however the move was only about 25 miles). DH let SD know that her coming over EOW was up to her. Between her busy cheer schedule and her social life, she couldn't always come EOW and that was ok. She had a busy life and likely wasn't hanging out with her mom on the opposite weekends either. That didn't mean they didn't still talk and text and see each other when possible. DH and SD still have a great relationship 4 years later because SD is a decent person. None of this makes DH a shit dad or SD a bitch, it's just how life happens. The OP's SS seems like an entitled douche and I don't blame her DH for not handing over a bunch of cash to an ingrate that obviously sees him as nothing but a wallet. You don't get to cut a person out of your life, whatever the reason, and still expect them to hand over cash. And I can't believe that you would think that anyone should. If SS didn't want to come over EOW that's one thing, but to completely cut his dad off and then expect thousands of dollars like nothing happened is complete unreasonable.
My DH is in a similar
My DH is in a similar triangle with his father and daughter. My SD almost flunked out of high school. Then, she refused to apply for financial aid-we offered to help with the app-and then she came to DH the night before college payments were due and he wouldn't cough up the money, intending to do so once she filled out the FAFSA. My FIL stepped in before the life lesson was learned and made the payment.
Our son is now applying for college. He has diligently applied for financial aid and applied himself in high school. He has had three scholarship offers for full rides.
So, no, I don't think it's beneficial to just hand over the costs of a college education if the child is ungrateful or unappreciative. Moreover, interventions by the grandparents can be detrimental to the parent's relationship with the child. With my family, there is something perverse about it. My FIL beat my DH when he was a child. My SD beat my DH when he wouldn't give her money for college upon demand. My FIL rewards this behavior by giving her money for college.