Hi Jewell
The situation must be hard on you-becoming an instant parent to a toddler. Its hard even when its your bio! Firstly i have to say that this is a 2 year old child, one who has absolutely no say in who are his caregivers. Perhaps you need to focus on the fact that this is a completely innocent child rather than focussing on him being a stepchild, if you look at it from a different angle, it may not seem so bad and you may be able to build a really good relationship with the child.

Is there any other family that can take on some of the care? I am not sure how things work in your country or what finances are like..can he go to childcare at all? This would give you back some time. In addition, when your SO comes home from work, he can take over. If he complains that he has been working all day, remind him that he chose to be a sperm donor, not you and that you have been caring for his child all day. Parenting is not a part-time job and he is responsible for the consequences of conception, not you. You can do your yoga, meditate, have a bath, read a book, whatever... Is there somewhere in the house you can have as your own space? A separate room where there is no need for the toddler to be? Not sure what your routines are, at 2 yo, my kids were all in bed by 6.30 pm, giving me the rest of the night "off". They weren't sleeping during the day at that age but I used to make them have "quiet time" in their bedroom for 1-2 hours after lunch. They were allowed to play quietly but were not to come out of their rooms. This may not seem like much but gave me that break in the middle of the day.
Are there any mothers groups that you can get to without a car? If the 2 year old is occupied with other children, and you can have some adult conversation it may make things easier as well.

Please look after yourself, depression is insidious, it creeps up and before you know it it feels like there is no way back. If you are at the stage where you think you need more than just advice, please see your Dr or primary care provider. I wish I could give you a big hug.

Don't deal with BM. She is your husband's problem. He doesn't work so much that he can't be the one to deal with her. Email and text on his lunch breaks or whatever, but she's not yours to have to put up with. When he's busy, she can wait.

Look into daycare for the toddler. Even if it's just two or three mornings a week. Seek state assistance on fees if necessary. I'm not sure how husband gets to work if his car is broken down, but you don't need a car to escape on weekends. What's available very locally that you can get out to? Even if it's having coffee in a café and sitting in peace and quiet reading a book. You need 'me' time. Pack a lunch and sit in the park. Do you have friends that you can spend the day with while husband tends to his son?

I'm guessing your pregnancy hormones are making this seem worse. Just try to treat SS like you would want someone to treat your child if you were unable to care for him/her yourself. My belief is that you will be rewarded for your kindness. Do yoga at home when he's down for a nap, if that's important to you. Who knows? A job could be even more stressful. Congrats on your pregnancy!

I would suggest you rather end this relationship and raise your baby on your own. If you can't stand a 2 year old toddler, you will never be able to stand him as a 5 year old, 10 year old or even 15 year old.

This is not fare on the SS, he's almost a baby himself and you want him gone? Why not simply take him in, get BM out of his life and raise him as your own? He's still young enough to adapt you know, but this poor kid can feel he's no where welcome, thus turning into a monster.... and this from the skid hating SM....

Toddlers are awful. I have one that's probably a week or two younger than your step. I could not imagine having to deal with a non related toddler on a day to day basis with no break.
You say that you have to take care of your boyfriend. Why is that? Is he not physically able to care for himself? I don't care if he's out somewhere digging ditches, the work you're doing right now is harder. Why isn't he taking care of you?
I am assuming that your financial situation is less than desirable. What is happening to all that money that he is no longer paying in child support every month. Is there an order in place that specifies child support and custody?
Let me tell you, no amount of yoga or meditation is going to prepare you for being a full time parent. No amount of zen or feng shui will either. Being a first time parent is like crash landing on a new planet. You can create the most peaceful environment imaginable but a baby isn't going to care.
I have to ask... Why do you HAVE to watch him? Is someone pointing a gun to your head? Or are they maybe threatening to pull their financial support if you don't? I'm not trying to make any assumptions here, I'm just asking. What would your husband do if you weren't around? He would probably use daycare, right? Well, what's wrong with using day care a few days a week right now? What would he do if you worked? Maybe you should get a job so you can get out of the house. Being a stay at home mom is a noble thing but it's not for everyone. You eventually miss having adult conversations and being around peers. Even a part time job might help your financial situation as well as your emotional one.
I learned the hard way not to give up my financial independence. I constantly felt like I wasn't allowed to have a say in anything since I wasn't contributing financially. But I married the world's biggest jack ass so maybe your boyfriend is different.

I also have to agree with the people who say that you should be working. You say you only have one vehicle.. is it his or yours? Also, there are ways to work around that situation as well. There is no reason you couldn't find a job .... even one part time that might allow you to drive him to work and then pick him up. Or, you could find an evening shift position. A first priority with your earnings should be to buy a vehicle for yourself!

Quite honestly, you have both moved so quickly, He has a child with one woman and now one with you. He is taking no care of the first kid.. yet you thought he would be good father material for yours???? Prepare to do all the heavy lifting when it comes to childcare because daddy isn't up for that.

It does worry me that you seem so dependent upon him... no transportation, no money. You need to work on that as a priority. Tell him that HE and his EX need to arrange for childcare for his son so you can work.

This seems like a difficult situation, and one I can certainly relate to. Back when my husband and I were dating, he would try to make me watch SD (3 at the time) while he was working. He always said he couldn't afford daycare so he pretty much left her with me everyday. I would work my own job from 9-5 then be stuck with his kid all night while he worked a night shift. I hated it. Honestly, hated is an understatement, I was absolutely miserable. I had the benefit of earning my own income though, so eventually, I told him that I didn't care if he couldn't afford it, he was getting a babysitter/daycare and he was doing it immediately. Not only that, but he was going to find a way to pay for it AND his half of the bills. He did.

A couple months in, he struggled to pay his sitter and the bills. I told him the bills were non-negotiable. I told him I would pay my half, and if his half wasn't paid and they shut something off, I'd go to my parents and he'd have to deal with the aftermath. He paid the bills and not the sitter. The sitter wouldn't watch SD, I wouldn't watch SD, so guess what? DH sent SD to mom's for a couple weeks while he found a second job.

Looking back, I was pretty harsh on him, but I knew I didn't want to watch a 3 year old I had no relation to (or relationship with) all night, every night. I knew I was friggin miserable and hating my life. My mental health was more important than making things easier for him. If he wanted custody of his kid, he would have to make sure he could afford it, and that means affording a babysitter so you can work.

I'm not sure if my situation/what I did would work in your situation though, because you don't work. I would prioritize getting a job, even part-time, so you can have some sort of leeway. I would then tell him to get ahold of BM and make some arrangements with her if he won't pay for a sitter/daycare because you will be working part-time during the day. All I can say is... don't put up with it for long.

Update: You need to start resolving this asap because based on my experience, you WILL resent your stepkid if you don't. I promise you, you will grow to HATE the kid when it's not the kids fault. That's one of the ways I explained it to my husband back in the day. I told him I'm starting to resent your kid over YOUR actions and that's not fair to her. If you want her to have a good relationship with her stepmom, you'll fix this situation.

Honestly, it's not fair to the kid but it's inevitable. Don't let that happen, especially if you love this man. If this man loves you, and wants you to be a valued part of the family, he will make changes.

I was in my skids life at age two. I was also finishing college going full time. To be honest Year2 was a breeze. To be fair my husband parents his child when he is home and while I take care of SS most of the time I've always made it clear that SS is HIS son and if wanted to be a mom at 22/23 I would have had my own. All that being said, if you can't handle two then four is going to be your first breaking point and then five when school starts and then eight when the kid thinks he's "old" enough and by the time he's a teenager you'll be exhausted and resentful. Encourage your DH to put Skid in after school care or an activity/sport. Even if you have to sit and watch at least the kid is out from underneath you. Get your skid involved in Dad and Son programs or find a hobby the dad can bring the skid along and both enjoy. Make a big deal about them creating a special "thing" for the two of them so you can have a break.

This is not your son and not your problem. It is not your job to raise this child. Don't do more than you can handle without becoming resentful and the situation you are describing sounds like its going to explode. Not only is it not your responsbility to raise this child, but its also not your responsibility to figure out how care will be provided. Calmly let your husband know that he is the parent and you are not that child's mother, and that being forced to act as such is making you resentful and stressed out and this interfering with your health and his unborn child. Give him two or three weeks to figure out an arrangement that doesn't leave you doing more than you are comfortable doing. Let him know that after the three weeks he can expect you to be otherwise engaged and completely unavailable for childcare at all times when the child is home and your husband is not. On the deadline date if he has made no progress simply leave the house right before he leaves for work, and don't come home until his shift ends. Do this every day until he figures something out. With the no car and what not im guessing your husband doesn't have spare cash. Unfortunately he should have thought about that before he had a child and he will have to figure something out. I'm not going to make suggestions such as send the child back to his mother or find other people to help with childcare or whatever because honestly those decisions are not your responsibility to make either. He had the kid, let him figure out how he's going to raise it, you are not a replacement mommy for his child, it has a mother. You are a stepmother, not free childcare and not his slave. As the stepmother, it is your job to support your husband in raising his child and do what you can to help out, (contribute what you can to the family unit) but never to an extent that its going to make you miserable, you need to figure out where your personal line to cross is, you are not a doormat. It is not your job to raise the child, which is the situation he has forced upon you and you have every right to feel the way you do.

Hun, first time I write in this website as I just signed up but your story sounds soo much like what I have been through, except you are a few months behind me and I did work.

Just three moths ago I gave birth to my perfect son, and just two and a half I have left him. I am done.

My ex stepson (so glad I dont have to deal with it anymore) was about to turn 3 when I got pregnant, but mentally he is still very baby as his mum abducted him for a year cause she coulldnt stand his dad moved on.
Then BM got preggo and they went to court to obtain a 50/50 but due to her lame excuses it got to 70-80/30-20. And I bet your hubby has not even asked you if you Ok having him around.

I was also in a studio. I made sure I bought a king size bunk bed and removed the bottom bed and hanged courtains so his soon could have his 'room' and privacy, and all I got was resentment when I said Its not my call to babysit him or when I ask why he is here when he is meant to be with bio mom...

If you think about it very deeply, its not BM fault. She is a player but your hubby is not giving you your place and your respect. He should have told her to grow a pair and care for her baby but its easier to avoid confrontation (and eventually, she will get used to it and your SS wil be at yours 24/7) in a studio, with a baby.

Your husband should have accepted the fact he is not yours and it is not your problem if the kid has to be with him just cause ex has a mental breakdown, he should have minded you are pregnant, tired and vulnerable and he should ALWAYS take time off for both of you.
If he does not take time for you, the resentment for the kid will grow, you will loose respect for your hubby, and he will loose affection to you since logically, you will be not confortable around SS
And it gets worse because you DO love your baby, and trust me, as much as you try to be equal (poor 2yo really) you can't. Your 2yo is going to be the older brother suddenly (in a studio!), hubby is gonna keep working, and you gonna be stucked at home with a kid you dont want to be around, and a baby that requires all your time.

And, as any 2yo, your SS will to through a baby stage. And your hubby will go mental at you cause he willl never understand you and you wil be extremely unfair, he will play the cards that is just an innocent child and you will feel more guilty and more resented.

Leave. Before he is on the birth certificate. With your parents. Now. You will be first time mother and you deserve to be one.

You probably wont do it but I wish I have done it.

It just gets harder and harder,

Best luck