She has been a problem for most of our relationship. I almost think DH and I need to go to counseling solely for issues with his mother. He's to blame too. He never had boundaries with her so when she crosses mine or OURS, he used to make me feel ridiculous. Or say "that wasn't her intentions" poor old MIL does not know what she does.

Bullshit.
I have a friggen list of things. I don't even know where to begin.
The most recent - and final straw for me - was when my father (who I first met when I was 20 - I'll be 25 this year) and I had a falling out. He was pretty nasty to me and I don't tolerate being spoken to like that so I don't talk to him anymore. He even said things about my child (who is 1) and my husband.
He lives states away. He's only been here twice. I knew MIL had his number because she needed it a while back when she threw us and engagement party - but it's not like they ever talked.

Recently DH and I were having issues in our marriage but it has since been way better. We are both doing what we need to do to fix this. It's working. It's going great.

During that rough period of our issues, I didn't speak to MIL (roughly three months). Well, she didn't talk to me. She almost seemed happy that DH and I were having issues. She never offered to help me or see her grandson (though she is always asking for skid). - There is an OBVIOUS grandchild favoritism. Skid this and skid that but nothing about mine. Whatever.
DH and I started working on things and DH would talk to her but I never really talked to her. I saw her around and we did light chatting and that was it.

Well, my sister from my father's side contacted me asking if I spoke to our father since she knew we had a falling out. I said no. She said he knew everything about my life. About my marriage and how DH and I are going to counseling. About my child's newest milestone (potty trained, weaned, sleeping in own room, etc) about where I was living (since I moved out for a part of the time).

Where did he get this information you ask?

MIL. My father called her. She has a mouth. She's one of those that talks about everyone and their business so i'm not THAT surprised.
Knowing how my father is, I know he only called her to fish for details. He would never call my sisters because because he knows they wouldn't talk about me. but mil? I was shocked at first. surprised. DH almost didn't believe me. He knew I was upset my dad knew my business and he was upset about it too. But then when I broke the news that it was his mother, he was confused and almost tried to defend her.

I know it was her because I called and asked her if she did and she flat out said yes. I told her she once again crossed boundaries. She didn't say anything and then hung up. A week later DH needed to get something from her house. My son and I waited in the car. I didn't even know she came up but she walked up and opened my son's door to talk to him and give him some annoying toy that he asks me to wind up every five seconds. Then she opens my door and gives me this speech about how she can talk to whoever she wants to. She is 60 something years old and can do whatever she wants and she said she will talk to my father again if she wants to.

I tried to explain to her that it's not me dictating who she speaks to, it's that she's giving out my personal information and business when it's not in her right to do that. I don't talk to my dad. He told me to get out of his life and now wants to behind the scenes stalk me? They never even talked before and he calls her up and suddenly they are best friends? She said he asked how I was doing. Well, her and I didn't really talk much recently either so her appropriate response would have been to tell him to call and ask me.

SHe told me I can't control what she says. She can say whatever she wants, including if it's about me.

Correct. I can't control what she says. But I can control what she knows.

DH thinks he's fucking switzerland and doesn't ever get involved (he wasn't there when she approached me).

Later him and I spoke and I told him WE BOTH need to address this issue with his mother and her lack of boundaries and RESPECT.
He agreed.

I told her that if she can't have respect for me, how can I expect that she respect my child? (she's one of those that would go against my parenting behind my back). So, I am done with her. She's not to be around me, she's not to be in my home, or around my child.
I am completely OPEN to solving this but I told her it's her move. If she wants to work things out and see her grandson, she can make some efforts (I always had to make the efforts and every time there was a problem with her, I always had to confront her to fix it for the sake of our family)
I'm just done.

It's been a month. DH still talks to her regularly but understands he's not to talk about our personal life with her.
SD was here for a few weeks in the summer and MIL took her a few times. It kinda bothers me but she's not my kid so whatever. Plus she is older and is always asking for MIL.

just to give you another feel for MIL:
- Dh has sisters from his dad's side. His dad wasn't ever around (MIL was one of those BMs - she moved her kid to another state and never allowed them to see their dad because he cheated on her and she hated him) Well Dh's sisters reached out to him and I and she was pissed about it and told us not to talk to them. (as if it was their fault they were born)
- MIL came into my house once while I was at work via "emergency spare key" that she has and rearranged the furniture in my house.
- MIL (same day) purchased a baby crib that we did not want and installed it in the nursery while I was pregnant
- MIL tried to force herself into the delivery room multiple times stressing me out. I wanted time alone to birth with my husband and I told her that beforehand. I told her she would see baby when we got out the next day. She didn't listen and still kept trying to come through. Then she was pissed that she failed. The next day when we got out we offered her to come to the house to see our child and she refused. She didn't speak to us for a month and didn't meet her grandson till a month later. She saw SKID be born (don't know how that happened since DH and BM didn't really date - she was an oops baby) so MIL is always bragging about seeing this beautiful angel (SKID) be born into the world.
- When my son turned 1, MIL came over for cake (she lives close) and my family that lives far face timed me to sing him happy birthday. MIL was pissed that they facetimed and it apparently took away from her experience?
- She tells BM, DH's personal business. Once she told BM his work schedule but it didn't match the dates that DH gave her to take SD and BM flipped out on him and refused him his weekend.
- who knows what else she tells BM.
- I can go on but I want to end this blog.