SS4 slapping and being so angry
Not since his last visit with his mom did SS4 ever disrespect me. We allowed her to have him starting Friday morning until Sunday afternoon. Normally she only gets them for 24 hours start Saturday at noon. One thing we did learn is that she told him he doesn't have to listen to me. But he is sure learning quickly that the time out chair is not a fun place to be when he decides to do what is BM says he can do. Yes, we have had numerous talks about following rules in our home and that the rules are different in each home. But since the long stay with her, he has been a completely different child. He slapped me three times today, calls me all sorts of names, throws fits, etc. I don't know if it's his age and developmentally this is what 4 year olds do - I'm a pre-k teacher and I've never seen my students act like this. Or is this because of his mom? I was about to completely loose it when he slapped me the last two times. But instead I didn't. I sat him in the time out chair and sternly told him it is not okay to hit me. He continued to kick things so I moved the chair in the middle of a room where he can't reach anything. As he continued to bad mouth me, I took him to my bedroom and said I did not want to see him right now. At that point I went to the laundry room and breathed for a while. I was so angry and so hurt. He is supposed to go visit his mom again on Saturday, and I know he's going to be encouraged to say what happened today. She has already been trying to antagonize the boys to say things that makes it seem like our home is not safe for them. DH is on his way home from work now, and I've prepared him for what is going on and what will happen when SS goes there this weekend. BM is no angel - she can't hold a job, has been on ssi for years, is bipolar, has been pregnant 3 times this year, attempted suicide 3 times this year, and loves drama. I think he is getting her drama by the way he tries to engage me to talk to him and argue. Ignoring him is the only thing I do now. Needless to say, I have told DH I need a break and cannot be around SS4 tonight. Since he is the BF I will let him decide further how to punish him. I suggested that he needed something taken away, go to bed after dinner or something else. What suggestions do you all have? I'm at my wits-end!
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He's very calm and rational
He's very calm and rational when I can't be. We often "tag-team" it. When one of us is past our point of frustration, the other steps in. He understands I need a break sometimes and he allows me to do that. Tonight he spoke with the son and the son treated him the same way...so at least it's not me. But we are working on not engaging with him when he is angry. It's so hard though. When he says it's all your fault, all you want to do is say who made those choices...but a four year-old DOES understand he made bad choices, but he DOESN'T understand that it's his fault - in a way. He can't communicate exactly what he means. I know he is simply upset that he isn't get something he wants. It's disappointing to see him so angry.
But back on the DH - he usually steps in to do most of the discipline; however, he can't be home with us all the time since I home school the 4 year old. DH doesn't like when I separate myself from the family to have some alone time, but that I think comes from BM experiences who would shut the kids in their rooms all day and not deal with them. When I take those breaks to be alone, I wonder if it's doing more harm than good. I want to show the Skids I'm sticking around no matter what they do, but I also don't want to be around them when I'm so angry. Make sense?
Her attempts at suicide are
Her attempts at suicide are mearly attention getting techniques, maybe you'll get lucky and she'll succeed!! There are many times both Dha nd I wish we could say that we were widowed instead of divorced, it seems harsh but it would be easier on the kids that way!!