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it feels like he has two families..

mm86's picture

So DH lives with me, my two bio kids from my first marriage and our baby boy that we had together. Then has SDs from a previous relationship...He works 6 days a week often 12 hour days but gets off early on Friday to get SDs from school. Then he's back at work Saturday morning. I used to babysit all the kids on Sat. while he was at work but after we had our baby it was just too much for me, especially since SD5 is a wild child.

So for the last few months, he picked them up from school, brought them home for a few hours, then took them to his mom's house to spendn the night and picked them up Saturday after work. But now since their school is closer to his mom's, he's started picking them up, taking them to his mom's and staying there for a few hours...which means he gets home late. He picks them up Saturday after work and gets home late..Then he takes them back to his mom's Sunday night and spends more time with them there and comes home late. (Their mother for some reason won't get them sunday or take them to school Monday morning,and neither of us can take them to school but that's another post.)

I understand that he doesn't want to drive back and forth any more than he already does and I understand that he wants to spend time with them...but I need a break too and he needs to spend time with his son too. He's home late every night of the week and now every weekend too. Seven days a week. I personally think this is the dumbest visitation arrangement I've ever seen. He can't afford to take off all Saturdays but I think he should at least try to get every other Saturday off and just get them every other weekend, rather than driving here and there and all over the freaking place. It is ridiculous.

I feel like I get him during the week with "our" family and on weekends he's mostly at his parents' with his kids (his "other" family). When he leaves Friday morning I feel sick to my stomach. Most days he works 6am to 6pm and I have class at night through Thursday so we barely see each other. His girls actually get to spend a lot more quality time with him than I do. Am I just crazy or are my feelings legitimate?

mm86's picture

I would like him to get them every other weekend and spend a full weekend with all of us together rather than spending every weekend driving all over the goddamn place with everyone left unhappy.

Disneyfan's picture

How many parents would be willing to decrease the amount of time they have with their children?

Decreasing the number of days/ hours he has to work is the better solution. Of course that may mean you have to start working as well.

hereiam's picture

Why won't he do this? Seems like he might get to spend more quality time with everybody that way.

mm86's picture

Oh and maybe I should add that we only have one car. I lost my job last year right after I got pregnant and couldn't afford to make my car payments..so we share his car. Which means that when he's not home, I'm stuck at home. That's another reason I HATE this arrangement.

mm86's picture

I AM in school...which I mentioned in my original post..which apparently no one bothered to actually read. I'm about to take this down since no one has any actual advice.