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Am I asking too much?

Smomof3's picture

SD14 and SS 13 think we're using them as slaves They think it's summer and at BM's they get to stay up all night and sleep all day with no responsibility. Well that's fine since BM's new "wife" (cringe everytime I say that) waits on them hand and foot. We expect them to be in bed on weekdays at 11pm. They are to be up by 9:30 to let dogs out. They have to do the following each day before noon so they can go to the pool, hang with friends, etc:

Let the dogs out
Feed the dogs & cats
load/unload the dishwasher
straighten the kitchen,living room and bath
Walk both dogs
Fold Laundry

Weekly they each take a room of their choosing and clean it, to include moping, dusting, etc., and do yard work with their father and me. I take whatever room they don't want. They are responsible for their own rooms and don't clean up after their Father or me.

My house isn't dirty and this isn't heavy cleaning we're talking about, it's maintenance cleaning. There are two of them and it should take 30 minutes to do their half and another 15 minutes to walk the dogs. That's 45 minutes of chores a day. Once a week they have to do an hour+ worth, but they have minimal chores on the weekends when we don't work. We also cover their chores when they are away at friends houses etc.

We provide internet, Satellite in their bedrooms, cellphones, spending money, a pool pass, etc. They now think they should get paid or go on strike. I told them if they did that I'd feed them milk, applesauce and PBJ at every meal and unsweetened generic cereal for breakfast, take all of their electronics and banish them to their rooms.

ThatGirl's picture

Yeah, I'm totally in love with her!

We can't even get SS14 to carry in the empty trash can as he walks past it each Monday afternoon.

Smomof3's picture

The problem is that their BM lets them lay around and do nothing so they expect it everywhere. Their Father explained that they would be on somewhat of a schedule because in life you don't just get to lay around and do nothing for days on end.

As a kid I worked outside in the early AM to avoid the heat and then inside canning, cleaning etc, until sundown and then it was back to the garden. I'm thinking of dropping them with my Mom during canning season. Let them get up and work in the garden, break greenbeans for hours on end with no air conditioning.

hismineandours's picture

No I dont think you expect too much. I expect my kids to contribute to the household daily when they are home. If they go to a friends house they can do it before they go and after they get back. The biggest expectation I have is that they pick up after their lazy asses. Yes, throw away your trash, get your cereal bowl from my living room and put it in the dishwasher, put your dirty clothes in the laundry room. If they all did this on a regular basis-they might be asked to do a few minutes of work a day and an occassional morning of real work if we are doing a project in the yard or something.

i continually struggle with them picking up after themselves. When I have enough of it-I put a passcode on the tv and shut them down. Dont let them go to friends houses, dont let them go anywhere. Two of the four (dd14, ds13) respond well to this-its gets their butt in gear and cleaning. Sadly ss14 and dd10 do not respond so well. They still laze around and my dh is so absent minded that he forgets and lets them do things like swim in the back yard-which I dont even want them doing that if they are failing to contribute.

As far as paying them-my ds13 brought this up recently. I told him I am not paying him to contribute to the household. Noone pays me. I also give him money whenever he needs it-which is basically every week-to go to the local amusement park, see a movie with a friend, whatever-I offered to stop doing that and give him a flat rate but he needed to understand that I wouldnt be footing the bill for anything other than that and i would stop handing out money when he asked. He changed his mind about wanting an allowance.

Smomof3's picture

I feel your there were pop cans and icecream wrappers in the living room.

Orange County Ca's picture

A regular Simon Legree eh?

In case you havent read the book:

Noun 1. Simon Legree - a cruel employer who demands excessive work from the employees
slave driver
employer - a person or firm that employs workers
2. Simon Legree - the cruel slave dealer in an anti-slavery novel by Harriet Beecher Stowe

Have you had to use the whip yet?

just tired's picture

Smomof3, I laughed out loud at your "BM's new 'wife'" comment! Our BM has a "wifey" also....although, to be fair, BM is the girl of their relationship & the partner is the guy. And exactly the same dynamic for us too. At BM's SD14 has zero responsibilities, no rules, everything is done for her, she gets to sleep til whenever all summer & stay up all night texting friends, etc.

I personally believe that's why she created drama & blamed it on me. That way we'd ban her from our home & she wouldn't be expected to DO anything at our home, b/c she isn't permitted to come to our home until she puts some effort into resolving the shit she stirred up. Works out perfectly for her! She gets to do what she wants at BM's, doesn't have to lift a finger all summer since she's not coming to our home where she is expected to contribute to the family dynamic (simple things like cleaning up after herself and actually engaging with people).

Smomof3's picture

I think my SD14 is trying to do the same thing...however her dad has custody.

I really don't care that her Mom is a lesbian, I care that they want all of the benefits of a married couple yet they don't get screwed on taxes like a married couple...she files head of household, low income and gets $4000 year back, we break even. Then she blows it and spends the rest of the year broke.

The new wife is OK, but her grown sons are pieces of crap and now the two women have a 2yr old grandson living with them. If she screwed her kids up, let's let her screw up the next generation too.

My SD14 doesn't interact well and loses her temper about nothing and throws horrible fits. She tries to hold us all hostage with her moods. She does't interact well at all. She thinks her life should consist of skyping with friends, texting with friends and hanging with friends...everything else is someone elses responsibility.