No you are not being selfish. Maybe you can meet in the middle here. Let SS come on the very LAST day that way you have the rest of the time to relax and enjoy each other. Then DH can go get him, NOT BM coming to the hospital with SS and all her drama and psycho-ness! There is no way that I would want that BM in the same hospital let alone in the same ROOM! Hell NO! I can understand DH wanting SS to see BS after he is born, but he needs to understand your feelings on this also. That's why I figured that you both could meet in the middle. Maybe SS can come at the end of the day and ride with you guys home, then DH can take SS home after a short visit.

Could you get your OBGYN to tell your DH that the birthing room is no place for a 3 year old? This is a time when it should be all about you and your needs.Your DH should be focused on you and the new arrival not his 3 year old. Stand up for yourself. My DD was 3 when her brother was born. She was at home with my best friend until I called for them to come see the baby about 6 hours after the birth.

Have the hospital tell you that they do not encourage any children under 5 to be in the maternity ward - you know germs and all and FFS can't you have 1 day just the 3 of you - you better set your DH straight and tell him that if your BM comes within 100 feet of your room you will have her kicked out of the hospital and he will be kicked out as well - blame your hormones whatever - my SS12 came the same day and he just drove me crazy - got in bed with me and made the bed go up and down and was just annoying -

You need to concentrate on your baby not be watching another one - TELL DH HELL TO THE NO AND TELL HIM IF HE NEEDS HIS SON THERE SO BAD HE CAN STAY HOME WITH HIM - I PROMISE YOU WILL HAVE A CALMER DELIVERY WITHOUT BOTH OF THEM IF HE CONTINUES TO INSIST ON THIS STUPID PLAN!!!

Why the f*ck for once can't a SM have a day all to herself is it so f*cking hard to just let us have the first f*cking day - sorry this whole subject just pisses me the hell off that we have to explain to our DH's that we want 1 day to be about us and our children - BM did not have some 3 year old running around when she had SS and if she had had another I am sure a family member would have watched SS3 for her - so you tell your DH that for the first day you will be tired and elated and a hundred feelings and emotions running through you and you don't want to see SS3 or more importantly the f*cking BM -

if my DH ever suggested that (cause our BM wanted to fly the 700 miles to come and spend the weekend with SS when I was having my C-Section and wanted to stay at our house because I was going to be in the hospital) and I wrote to her and said that as I am sure she could remember when she had her son that a newborn is so much work and so much going on that I would not feel right with her even coming into my state where we live and she could pick any other weekend before the birth and that would be fine but she was not ever allowed to stay at our house (f*cking nutbag) and 8 weeks after the birth we were going back to visit family and her son would see her then so those 8 weeks were out as well - I made it very clear that I would not be happy if she was anywhere near me during this special time!!! She took the hint and dropped her stupid request because she knew I would kick her and DH's ass if they tried to pull something.

So have the hospital just tell your DH that SS can't be there the first day end of story - I really don't think they like little kids there anyway!!

What the hell difference is one freeking day going to make?? Why can't SS see the baby on the day you go home? I agree with Stillhavehope, maybe talk to your doctor at your next visit and see if he can implement some "no visitors under such and such age" plan??

I lucked out in that I had BS1 during cold/flu season, so the hospital had a strict policy... absolutely no visitors under the age of 18 were allowed. I ended up being in for 6 days too, 2 days for delivery/Csection and then 4 days recovery. It was the best 6 days of my life... skid free!!

My MIL really stressed me prior to the whole thing though in that she kept pestering to be there for the delivery. I didn't want her there, but she wouldn't take no for an answer! Thankfully I ended up having a C-section, so she COULDN'T be there so I won without being the jerk, but it was still stressful!

Why can't people just let you be, just let you enjoy this most special day of your life without the stupid drama???

Check hospital policy first. If they don't allow kids- problem solved. Just make sure all doctors and nurses stress their policy to dh before you get to the hospital and while you are there. I don't get parents wanting young kids at the hospital. When ds was born, dd was 16mths old. Dh brought her for a few short visits while I was in the hospital. But it was more for the sake of seeing me not the baby. (prior to that dd had never been away from me) When the baby was born the hospital had a no kids under 14 rule because it was flu season. So ds (then 3) and dd met the baby when we came home. So even with bios, it is sometimes best to leave them at home. These daddies automaticaly assume we wantto leave heir kids out when that isn't necessarily the case. Plan an alternative that would be ok with you. Then tell dh you will NOT change your mind and until HE pushes a baby out after carrying it for 9months then he has NO say in what happens at the hospital, before, during or after delivery. Also have all nurses on board with your decision. If you think dh will have bm sneak in anyway, tell nurses she isn't allowed. Hospital staff deal with things like this and know how to handle these situations. This is YOUR delivery, not dh's. He has no say and needs to understand that b

NO. End of story. If I've just birthed a child, the last thing I want is something to annoy me. People should just understand that. Like the others said, check hospital policy. I have seen people bring in little ones though.

My fdh tried that one, he told me he wanted sd13 who was 10 at the time in the birthing suite with us as bd3 was born, which part of hell no didn't he get? we had the same conversation about 100 times finally I said my mum can be my birthing partner and you can stay outside with sd. He changed his tune to Sd can stay with my mum and come visit the next day. Though thinking about it when I was in labour he buggered off to sd's sports day with bm any way then he even offered bm to come in for coffee, she declined it's the only time i've been thankful to her, after bd3 was born he couldn't wait to get back to see Sd and tell her, I was shattered could have done with support at the time. Could have killed fdh.
Keep to your guns you need time to recover with out skid stress. Hopefully you'll be out before visiting times if your lucky. Otherwise check for policies some places won't let young children in,

When did childbirth become a spectator sport? I can't believe these MILs and SKs in the delivery room! And intrusive BMs! They still want to be part of the "family" and have their fingers in it, so obvious. Sick. Keep us posted and good luck!

Lol the reason men don't see it as a problem is they are not the one's giving birth. If only there was a way for a watermelon to come out of his backside bet he wouldn't want the whole family coming to watch, mind you if it was my fdh I would video the event and ask him how it compared to popping pea's from a pod

When our baby was born I had no problem sd7 to come see her sister at the hospital after birth but my only thing was I didn't wanted to see BM so DH went to pick up sd from her house the next day after our baby was born because she was born around 10pm.

I forgot to mentioned that BM asked if we can have sd7 in the room while our baby was being born! What a nut job! Her excuse was that she didnt want sd to be left out when we are bodnging with our first child. Are you kidding me??

:jawdrop: WOW even bio sibs aren't n the birthing room!

Seriously 3 years olds don't even get the concept.. they only get what adults are feeding them. Hell, SIL just had her second 6 months ago. For like 3 months during SIL's pregnancy, her 3 year old would wake up every morning and ask if her little sister was there yet.. (kind of like Santa or the freeking Easter Rabbit). They don't get the whole hospital thing, feeling left out thing, a 3 year old is going to be none the dang wiser about whether sibling arrived yesterday or a month ago.

Whatever day you present a new baby to 3 year old is the day they arrived in their book.

Ask DH if he remembers what he did when he was three years old. Yep, thought not. Now ask him if he's doing this "bonding thing" for SS or for himself b/c he's a guilty daddy?? Yep. Case closed.

Unless I've misunderstood it sounds like the posters husband wants his son to visit AFTER the birth, not be in the hospital during the birth, which would clearly be crazy as well as intrusive and an unwanted pressure. I can't believe some SMs had their SKids loitering outside the delivery room.

DH maybe be overemphasising the importance of a same day visit from his sons perspective, given he is so young, but I think from his perspective he wants his closest family to be included in this really important event in both your lives, and he wants his son to feel he is still part of this new family. If you're not planning on having any visitors at all on the first day then maybe that's something you can agree with him, but if, for example, you plan on having your family visit, DH may see that as unfair. In some ways it depends on the circumstances, if you have a difficult birth it would be insensitive of DH to insist on a visit regardless. If you don't give birth until late on in the day you will be too tired for visitors that day. It's difficult to have a concrete visit plan when there are so many variables and you should make that clear to DH.

I had my first baby in the early hours of the morning. All 5 of my step children came to visit mid afternoon, after my parents had visited. I agreed with DH in advance that they would not stay long, and he would be responsible for ensuring that they arrived and departed in a timely way. DH had to go on a 2 hour round trip to fetch them. Was I overjoyed at the prospect of the visit. No. Did I feel a bit resentful when I was planning the birth and knew I would have to factor this in, yes. But my SKids were nice, and I knew it would send the wrong message if MY family all got to visit me on the first day, which I wanted, but the most important other family members for DH, his children, did not. I would definitely not have had his ex deliver the children to the hospital though, just the knowledge that she was in the building, or even the car park would have tainted the experience.

What I can say is that I was so elated and besotted with DD when she arrived that in reality the SKid visit was just not a concern. DH's absence was absolutely fine, all I wanted to do was cuddle DD, and we were both tired and slept while he was gone anyway. DH needed to go home and have a shower and get changed anyway as he had been up all night with me. The SKids stayed half an hour, were very excited to meet DD, and then he took them home. For me it was my arrival home the next evening that was more of an issue. The SKids wanted to be there to welcome us, so that's what happened, but I was tired and I wished afterwards that I had insisted on having that first evening just the 3 of us. My second baby was completey different, he had to go into intensive care, we were both in hospital for 2 weeks after the birth. No visitors were allowed for the first few days apart from DH. By own DD2 was not allowed to come to the hospital until the day we were discharged because she had a cold and my DS had a lung infection. It was the longest I had ever been separated from her.

So my advice would be, if the birth goes OK and is not too late on in the day, let SS3 visit, you'll be so wrapped up in your baby you won't even care, and it will mean a lot to DH. In return do insist that SS3 is not there when you bring the baby home, and that you get at least a day or two to settle back at home first, but this is all based on my own experiences. Wishing you a good birth and lots of joy with your new baby.

If my dh was serious as he said that, i would most likely contact hospital security, leave them a picture of bm and explicit instructions that she is not to be let into the building, no matter what my husband says. And youre right, from the time i was 3 to the time i was 9 there were siblings being born into my family, 4 sisters and a brother; i went to the hospital (so im told) every time and the only births that i have any memory of at all are the youngest two - I was 7 and 9. Even then, you know what i remember of my siblings births? I got a doll when my sister was born and my brother was funny looking, smiled at me and i got to hold him. That's it, at age nine. So not crucial.

That is your right and I don't blame you one bit. I have had a similar conversation with my guy. We had a pregnancy scare awhile back and we were talking about it, I told him I didn't want BM there, not even to stop by and say 'hi'. But I know in my guts that she will try because she is nosy. The kids I wouldn't mind so much but not the same days, maybe after I rested.

Good Luck though!

Keep the devil (BM) out of the hospital. That is the most disrespectful thing I have heard, hoarding in on your moment so she can be hero of the day by bringing your SKid! Can you not have your SK brought by another realtive or close friend? Could BM drive SK half way and then a close realtive or friend pick the child up? I know where your husband is coming from, but quite frankly her smug face on your day is not an option. Sorry that your so stressed with this whole dramaram looming on the horizon

I agree with Bojangles that dad want 3yr old to visit SM and new baby NOT be present for the birth.

If you object to the visit I think you are acting selfish and resentful of the fact that H had a child prior to meeting you.

This event is a celebration of joy welcoming a new member to the the family which includes SS3. To exclude SS3 is rude and a bad way to bring a baby into the world.

Having SS3 visit in hospital is better and less stressful then having him there on the first few days home from the hospital. While you are in the hospital you dont have to attent to SS3, your husband does, you dont have to deal with BM either.

Enjoy your husband and expanding family and be grateful that BM is willing to bring SS3 for a visit, enabling your H to be with you longer.

Good luck to you.

My DH left me after the birth of our DS to get SS. I was recovering from a csection and it was AWFUL to be alone trying to care for the baby and in so much pain, just to have SS (2 at the time) see his brother which he would have seen a few days later anyway, then DH had to leave and take him back to BM. It was annoying and unneccessary. My mother brought my DD to the hospital for a short period then took her home. Yes, it was nice to see the kids with the baby but I would have rather been left alone by everyone (including the in laws who showed up RIGHT after I got into the recovery room when we told them not to come!). There is plenty of time for siblings to bond with the baby AFTER you get your rest!

I can understand why you DH would want your SS to be there to see the baby. Often times when a family has a child and then another one, they want to the first one to be there to see the baby after it's born. However, you do need your time as well because your SS isn't your son. It is a little selfish to ask that he not come at all, because it's obviously important to your DH that he be there.

I agree with the post that said to find a compromise. Is there any other way that he could get here, or is his BM the only option?

Find some middle ground between your DH's wants and your wants BEFORE the baby comes, otherwise it could turn out to be even more stressful. Your DH could just decide to have him come last minute without talking to you again first, or he could be angry about it and it could cause more tension when all you want is some sleep.

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Why does ss need to be there? I think your DH is trying to push his kid onto you. Why do men do this. Expect us to want to include their kids in everything, I mean? It's your first baby together, it should be just the 2 of you at the hospital.

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Ah DH and I have been together for 4 1/2 years and I have been on a rollercoaster as of whether or not I ever wanted to have a child of my own someday...due to the craziness I have been through with his children. Before I went off my pill we discussed this situation...I too did NOT want the steps at the hospital. BM did not have to worry about it...why should I? Why can't a step just have her special time with her new family? There is no reason why stepkids cannot wait until the baby is home to see their new sibling. Not to mention...snotty noses...I just believe this is YOUR special day...and after birthing who wants a reminder that your DH has already been there done that? SERIOUSLY? Stick to your guns...have it your way...and if DH cannot handle it - find a new birthing partner and he can wait outside. It's not like the baby isn't going to be a newborn a few days later. THEY CAN WAIT. I am still taking my pill...lol.

I am just not even sure that you have to explain yourself. you do what you want. It's your day...SS can WAIT. For a freaking day. Put yourself first for once and have things the way you want it...do not let anyone tell you, you are being rude or selfish. I already commented on this...BM did not have to have a 3 year old who belonged to someone else crawling all over her - why should you???

and p.s. we are not just steps...we are their damn significant others...we are people...and we can have OUR special days too! Okay...I'm done now.

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I wouldn't want BM anywhere near during that time and I think SS3 could wait until you got home...Usually you are not in the hospital that long anyway...DH should grant your wish since it is you "giving birth" and not him. Our children came to see my now 6 year old but at the time they were 8,10,12 and the other parents did not have to be involved. Keep BM away as much as possible but give SS3 all the love in the world. Don't let BM interfere with your life

When I had my bd I invited my skids to come to the hospital right away, it was important to me that they see her as soon as possible they were also 7 and 10 if i remember correctly. Personally I agree with your husband that it is important for you ss to bond with the baby right away. If your not up for visitor 15 minutes would work as far as a three year old is concernd. The bio mom doesnt have to come in too, dad can go outside and get him. now having said that when i did have my bd we had made an agreement that my dad who lives in the same town as all of us and it loved by the skids would pick them up as soon as she was born so they could meet her. So after delivery, I mean im still in the birthing room dh calls bm , who says she is not going to let the skids go with my Dad because she has not met him. Gee you couldnt have thought of that months ago when this was being planned out. So I agree even though the whole pregancy i said absolutly not to let her bring them. We all live a half an hour from the hospital , needless to say seven hours later she shows up with the kids after taken sd to get a hair cut. Now it has been about six months since sd got her last hair cut so it really is not a priority. to top it all off I can see Bm and her creepy bf walking around the parking lot having a great time. I really hate her,