Husband so damn touchy about SD
SD wasn't even at our house this weekend and husband and I spent most of the time fighting about her. Can't even enjoy the infrequent times she is away!
My husband is so damn touchy about SD, everything I said was a personal attack on her in his opinion. Saturday he said, "I'll be glad when SD goes to live with BM so I don't have to hear you complain about her." My mom said I should have said, "I'll be glad too!"
For example, husband complained about a funny smell in BD4's room. I said, "Well, her trash can needs to be emptied." SD is supposed to empty trash but doesn't bother, just letting it build up. And I occasionaly change BD1's diaper in BD4's room while I'm getting them ready in the morning. Husband got made and said something snarky because I was "attacking" SD by saying BD's trash needs emptied.
Saturday while I was vacuuming I noticed the hose had come loose on the vacuum. When this happens, anything you suck up just gets shot right back into the room. So I said: "Can I show you something? When vacuuming, you need to make sure that this hose is connected. Otherwise, the dirt is just getting spread around." I didn't mention SD, but I might as well have. SD was the last one to use the vacuum, so he got mad again at me pointing anything negative out.
Last week husband said to SD, "Next time you do the dishes, I need you to wipe down the table." She responded by not doing dishes again the entire week. Then Saturday my husband asked me, "Who's going to do the dishes?" I said, "Not me." Made him mad because I pointed out that SD hadn't done them all week, when it was her week for this chore.
I used to always make a point of noticing SD doing something nice or appropriate and pointing it out to reinforce the positive behavior. But it doesn't matter. The only thing they hear is the negative. And between her downward spiral in attitude and my jaded outlook, I don't see her doing "good" things anymore.
Yeah! You Ogre you!!!
yeah Elizabeth - I can't believe you would try to talk normally to your SD! How dare you! Why would you expect her to to household chores? Does she live there or something? My oh my young lady - why would you expect her to take out her own trash? She might strain herself!
I am an ogre - so identified by my DH. poor poor them. Lately, I tell my husband what I need SD to do. If he doesn't bring it up, then, I do. Oh well...
I think I am feeling sarcastic today. But - I have said this to my DH. Would you like her to be crippled? Who is going to take care of her when you are gone? That sort of thing. Sometimes he gets it. Most times, not so much.
Queens of the Damned
Yep...that's us...Damned if we do and Damned if we don't! I've had the same experience as you. If I point out that the skids are not doing what they are supposed to, have completely slacked off, or are engaged in crinimal activities, the DH gets angry at ME!
So the choice is to ignore the skids and let them rule the house, or confront DH and get ready for his accusing eyes. I choose the DH. I point out when the skids are in the wrong and he can decide if he wants to cover for the actions of his adults brats (once again), or straighten them out.
I won't deny reality, even though he desperately wants me to.
same problem here.... one
same problem here....
one time he even said "no matter what happens you always try to turn it on SD"
how is it that she leaves her dirty maxi pads on the counter, and I'm a bit** for getting upset about it?
It's ridiculous
SD is turning 15 today. She's not a baby who can't be expected to do anything for herself. And, like all of you, I'm the bad guy for pointing out when SD doesn't do something. Problem is, I'm the one who has to pick up the slack. I am constantly picking up after her. Husband told me not to do it, but he doesn't do it either and SD is content to leave crap everywhere. So who's supposed to pick it up?
No one - really, don't do it.
My DH and SD both are violators. Neither one will pick up after themselves, clean the kitchen, etc. It makes me depressed sometimes, but I took the advice on here about disengaging. So - now I work late, if they want to eat, they deal with the NASTY kitchen. My SD will cook for herself and just leave everything there - I pulled DH into kitchen - and asked HIM why HE left such a disgusting mess. He told me SD did it - not him - I said as far as I was concerned - HE DID IT, since she NEVER cooks. And if he is that kind of a pig, I am really disappointed in him. And no, I won't be doing anything in the kitchen until he fixes it.
And in the den - things get a few days, I'll discuss with the wall that it is a pig pen twice. Then it all goes out the door. done.
I should warn you though - I have a very high tolerance for mess. The fact that they can out do me is pretty amazing.
Who? is exactly right
Are we supposed to be happy to live in a pig sty just because we get tired of picking up after everyone but ourselves?? Are they all that spoiled??
Responsibility....that's what it boils down to and some are mortally petrified of being responsible.
Otherwise,as it's been said many times throughout this site...NCP's will (a lot of times) enable their children to be this way because of their guilt. All they're doing is enabling them to use this excuse for the rest of their lives.....every time they screw up and don't want to take responsibility.
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN"
I get the evil eye
Because my husband thinks taking care of the house is my responsibility. So if it's messy, I'm to blame. And my problem is my BDs 4 and 1. Why do they have to live in filth? If I throw something away, my husband will just replace it. If BDs spill a glass of Pepsi SD left on the table in the living room, I am the one who has to clean up the mess.
I am a pretty neat person, but not overly so. I just don't want to live in a house where nobody but me cleans. BD4 has chores, and that includes picking up in the living room. But husband says SD doesn't have to pick up anything that's not hers. What?!
If it's not done right, then it's not done,,
in my opinion. My SD chore was to clean the bathroom, but if she wiped the mirror and bathtub, she thought it was done. OMG, what about the sink, trash, toilet, and floor. Who wants to use a toilet that has a funky yellow slime in the bowl. But, I'm being too critical. Well, sometimes if you want it done right, just do it yourself. My opinion. My cleaning methods are not intricate! Damn!! Just a little pride in the things you do, make you who you are.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!