HELP! SS IS COMING Today!
I am physically ill this morning thinking about this kid coming into my house....he's not a horrible child but he does "love" to test boundaries and act stupid all the time! If he comes up here and acts like my daughter is hurting him one more time I think I am going to gag him....my daughter just turned one by the way and can't even completely walk! She still has to hold on to me and I never let her around him unless I am right there.....he's never even been allowed to hold her because he may drop her and say oops.....like he has done other things! (baby kittens...etc....he is not the most responsible kid and acts as if he is three speaking baby talk.....I always show him love, dicipline, respect and plenty of attention but he alwaYS requires more! I try to show him the same amount of attention (when he is here) as I do my own daughter but she does have different and more needs than a 10 year old boy. He really likes to just stand on my nerve and jump on it if I am not reacting to it. While he is here he will pout if he's not having "fun" and get upset if he doesn't get the presents that he wanted....which we didn't get him any of the ones he asked for considering they were all 300 dollars a piece or more! He even had the nerve to call me and ask me how "expensive" his stuff was! Well my dh has the idea that when he gets here we are going to take him and spend $100 on him on top of what we already got him...which I am ok with because we only got him 3 presents that weren't real expensive....i am still unsure about the dollar amount that my dh come up with but he thinks it will make it fair as to what we spent on our daughter....but what he doesn't really understand is my ss has 2 other moms and 2 other dads who get him stuff too. yes you read that right he has 3 moms and 3 dads which is what the counseler told him it was ok to still think like that....this kid even thinks we adopted him since he thinks his ex step dad is his real father.....a whole other story! Anyways what do you guys think about the dollar amount for my ss? Is it fair? We are really struggling financially right now and we still have a trip to take to take him back 4 hours from house which also takes $$$ so I just don't see it as being logical right now but maybe I am being selfish....I just don't like this kids "you owe me" attitude ya know? HELP!
Oh I feel your pain. Been
Oh I feel your pain. Been there. I can tell you my SS is now 19 and it does not get any better. Wish I had some advise. All I can say is STOP doing anything for him. Leave it all up to his dad. Don't even watch him. Tell your husband to take off work. The more you do, the worse it will be. Trust me on this. Even with the best of intentions on your part, your SS will view it all as an intrusion and he will reject it all. He tests boundries because he wants to start problems. Don't allow him to manipulate you or push you around. You would not allow your bio children to treat you that way, don't let him either.
You've already bought him 3
You've already bought him 3 presents? He has already celebrated 2 other christmas's with his other parents? He is obsessed with the cost of his items? I think you've got him enough. If your dh feels he has to do something additional-why not have your dh take him for the day (allowing you a relaxing day at home with your baby)and do something fun with him-LaserTag, Paintball, Chuck E Cheese-whatever the kid would like. That way your dh can feel as if things are a little more "fair", your ss gets plenty of attention, and perhaps he may realize that doing a fun activity with a parent is just as rewarding as a gift.
Ok guys so here's the update!
Ok guys so here's the update! We got my ss around 5 tonight and at first he seemed fine and he still isn't acting "bad" and I am even trying really hard to move past all of my negative feelings....we gave him his 3 gifts and he actually seemed to like them....of course still no thank you but no bad attitude....well the night seemed to be going just fine until I see an old tv show and say to my husband wow haven't seen this one in forever...whats the first thing he says....yes you have, every time we go to the dr so I'm like huh? The old show was doogie howser and he says....wow I really used to give that dr so much grief and i'm still thinking what until I remembered that he always says that the dr who delivered my ss and who treated bm looked just like him because he was young too....my bd dr is in the same office with that dr so thats what he was talking about....but what bothers me is the fact that he brought up that time in his life....it seems like any time he talks about ss when he was a baby and when bm was in the pic I get so angry! Is this normal???? Why does my attitude completely change when he brings this up....he never brings up bm unless it is relevant until ss is here so maybe thats why sometimes my ss gets on my nerves so bad, and it doesn't help that all my dh constantly says is how wonderful and smart his boy is that he barely sees or talks to???!! He will constantly use the word "son" and say good job to him like he is 3! He even says good job son when he throws something in trash on his own....he's 10! WTH! Ahhh! Is this normal or am I being completely hateful!!!Also to note bm and I get along really well....not that she's my bff or anything but she's not as bad as she could be.
oh and did I mention my parents got him some gifts for christmas and while they gave them to them ss was just watching tv and not really paying attention....we had to make him say thank you and he acting like he didn't even like them! that is so embarrassing!!!
I wouldn't spend another
I wouldn't spend another penny on him if you don't have the funds. The 3 gifts you already got him are enough. And if he doesn't think so then tell him he isn't getting anything next year for being ungrateful. Money doesn't grow on trees!
Ooh I just read your update
Ooh I just read your update after posting my comment. Haha. And ew... I know what you mean about the comment your DH made about your SS's delivery and being a newborn. Who cares?!?! That is not info you need. He should keep that to himself. I am pregnant and my DH has said things about how awesome it was to cut his kids umbilical cords and hold them for the first time and yadda yadda yadda. And how he can't wait to do that with ours... Ok so just tell me you can't wait to do that with ours. I don't give a shit about what you did with your kids when they were born. I wasn't there and wasn't a part of your life then. Call BM and talk to her about that if you want to take a walk down memory lane. I don't want to hear it. I was telling my mom yesterday that if DH even mentions anything about his kids when I am in labor in the hospital I will flip out on him.
He also says the same things to his kids when they do things that they should be doing at their age. Like praising them for washing their hands... Wtf?! They aren't babies anymore.
I know! These kids should
I know! These kids should really be doing all of this and shouldn't be praised for things that should just be done! I am so glad that I am not the only one who gets pissed at the thought of dh talking about their "past" even if it is about the kid....Is this your first baby? My bd was my first and sometimes I do get mad thinking that my dh has already been there done that sort of thing. Especially when there are little reminders like that one....I hate to think about how they were there with their ex blah blah blah....even if they are talking about the kids we know who else was involved.....I know my dh would flip out if it were the other way around but he doesn't have to deal with that because I have no other kids from any previous relationships....if I say anything about my exdh then he flips out as it is ha....sometimes I do wish that I had a kid with someone else just so I could show him how it feels but then I would have to deal with all the drama.....oh well guess things work out for a reason. As far as your dh talking about how he cut the cord, he should keep his mouth shut! Especially now that you are having his baby! No woman wants to think about their dh/baby's father fathering another kid with another woman! I used to get so pissed just thinking about him going to appointments and know that he was completely obsessed with his first born that he even quit his job so he could be there with him WTF! He didn't quit his job for our baby but then again....i really had to set some limits! A father should be a "father" not a mother in my opinion. Well my ss is in the other room upset because he wants to be in here with us because its raining and he's scared of storms.....I almost feel bad but I have to keep reminding myself that he is not a little baby.....I'm not horrible I did tell him if he got too scared he could come wake me up. Although a little part of me is laughing because my dh was just like "good night son" and came to bed lol.....A little part of me actually likes it when this kid gets upset! I guess just because of all the crap that I have went through with him! My dh even said he could pick out one game for Christmas and that was his other gift....YES JUST ONE~ I don't know where that came from but I was like good! Maybe he finally gets it a little bit....
Yes this is my first baby. I
Yes this is my first baby. I dare DH to say the umbilical cord shit about his kids again. I will let him have it! Haha! It's just a matter of time before he says it again... I'm due in a couple of weeks so I'm sure he will say something!
Oh and I can't talk about past relationships either. DH gets so defensive! He got mad because I said something about a guy I used to date. Acted like a big baby. It pissed me off! I'm like, "You need to get over it. Everyone has a past. And yours sleeps over in MY house eight days out of the month."
HA! Excellent Point! I can
HA! Excellent Point! I can completely relate to you my friend! I wish I would have found this site LONG ago especially when I was pregnant! My pregancy would have been perfect if it weren't for his "past" because I loved every minute of my baby! It just sucked to think about him with his ex and doing the same things with me that he did with her yada yada yada....and I have never been the jealous type but you are right with us our past stays in the past and with our dh's the past comes knocking on our door and is literally staring us in the face! Are you having a girl or a boy??
Oh I got my chance today! We
Oh I got my chance today! We were eating breakfast and I said, "So what day do you think the baby will be born?" And then I asked him if he thinks he will cry... I was trying to get him to say something about his kids that way I could get my feelings about that out of the way BEFORE we are in the delivery room. And of course he says, "I don't know. I didn't cry when my other kids were born." I said, "Oh my God I don't care about what happened when your kids were born. You need to stop talking about that because I don't want to hear it. This one is our child and that is what I care about. Call BM if you want to talk about that. Those memories are between you and her." And he said, "I don't want to talk to her." Which I know that. But then I said, "Well I don't want you to talk to me about the birth of them so you better keep it to yourself from now on." And then he said something about how it is so gloomy outside today. Haha. Typical man changing the subject. But atleast I got to tell him how I feel.
I am having a boy.
He had no idea I was baiting
He had no idea I was baiting him. And I wasn't angry when I said that stuff to him. He asked me a little earlier what day I thought the baby would come. So it didn't come up out of nowhere. He had no clue!
Yah! It feels so good to get
Yah! It feels so good to get that off our chests huh??!! I totally went off on mine too at one point during my pregnancy and I remember just how good it felt! Good for you!!!! Awww...little boy
congrats on him!
I "think" the kid needs a
I "think" the kid needs a dose of reality. STAT
I hate to tell you this but
I hate to tell you this but my Skids do this at every opportunity. The worse thing is I've been in their lives for 13 yrs. Spent many vacations together, went many, many places. For their own manipulative reasons, they have no recall about anything we have done together, BUT mention something that they did in their past with BM and Dad and oh every detail is mentioned. These little punks are 18 and 19 yrs old and still playing this stupid game. And they always make psycho mom sound all normal. She's not. We had season passes to Disneyland one year and went many times. All they ever talk about was "remember that time we were at Disney and we did __________ or _____________". I can't show any emotion or it will just get worse. I have finally decided I hate these kids. I cannot even find any redeeming thing about them even when I tried to objectively look at them as just young adults.