Any ideas on how to get BioMom to leave my husband alone?
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Any ideas on how to get BioMom to leave MY HUSBAND alone? She is constantly trying to text or call him about anything and everything. He is working on and tries to ignore her and only respond if it is kiddo related ~ but she makes stupid things kiddo related just to communicate with him. I fell like it is a constant intrusion to our life and like she tries to sabotage our relationship.
Your DH is the one who has to
Your DH is the one who has to get rid of BM, anything you do to try and get rid of her will probably amp up her efforts to talk to him.
He needs to just come out with it and tell her that unless it is an emergency that he doesn't need to hear from her. Most men won't do this so be prepared now to be pissed. They don't want to "rock the boat".
What Stepped said and how old
What Stepped said and how old is the skid?
Two Step Kids ~ 8 & 12. He is
Two Step Kids ~ 8 & 12. He is transitioning into ignoring her. He has even told her he can not take phone calls during work hours ~ She still calls and texts him anyway. She's not taking the hint.
I need to figure out out to not let it bother me so bad. :/
OK My skids are 10 and 12 and
OK My skids are 10 and 12 and besides all the stuff you mentioned above he has told BM that the skids can call him themselves if they want to tell him things about their day or whatever.
His communication is strictly email unless their is a medical emergency. So when the phone does ring he KNOWS it is hos children!! This DID NOT happen over night it was a VERY VERY VERY LONG road but we got there and the key is consistency and persistence.
SO ignored ALL text messages that weren't emergencies if she persisted he told her email mail, we wanted a solid paper trail of her shenanigans! phone calls were directed to voicemail then SO would listen to the email and decide if it needed to be addressed 99.99% it did not! She still after many years tries the occasional text "call me" SO will tell her if it is not an emergency email me and I will get back to you at my convenience.
Again it takes time, being consistent and setting these boundaries and NEVER bending them! THese kids are old enough to pick up a phone and dial their fathers number if THEY want to talk!
ohhh the not bothering you!
ohhh the not bothering you! It will help if your DH sticks to the ignoring her other wise it took me years. Sh!t I still find myself getting annoyed when I see an email from her!
I never said to transition
I never said to transition her, I said be persistent! I will give you this our BM didn't get it till it was ordered by a judge. We didn't go to court for that but through it in when we went back to modify visitation.
He has to be clear and firm
He has to be clear and firm with her. He needs to convey to her that she has no business contacting him, unless it's an emergency. What constitutes an "emergency"? Unforseeable and valid last minute schedule changes. School matters where he's required to respond or attend asap. Trips to urgent care or the ER. Any other matters need to be addressed to him via email, giving him a 24hr window to respond.
What is it? Is she lonely? Is she trying to remain relevant in his life? He needs to make it crystal clear to her that she needs to stop this grasping at straws behavior. He needs to follow that up with refraining from answering calls and responding to texts that don't fall into an "emergency".
Look into apps like Our
Look into apps like Our Family Wizard. It should cut way down on her nonsense and will definitely all but eliminate the work hours disruptions.
Whatever will show her that
Whatever will show her that he means business, is what he needs to do.
I am so glad that cell phones and texting were not the norm when my SD was a minor. When BM started talking about something non-kid related (meaning, herself) my husband told her that they were not friends, he did not want to talk to her like they were, and he would hang up on her if she continued to use his daughter as an excuse to talk to him. And when she did it again, he hung up on her, just like he said he would. She eventually got the hint.
Constantly getting texts from someone you don't want to communicate with, has to be annoying.
Good Luck! Glad to hear that
Good Luck!
Glad to hear that your DH is trying to transition into less communication, but unless he is dedicated there is little you can do.
I'm in the same boat, and I've thrown in the towel.
Last time this was excessive was about 2 years ago. She was texting like crazy all the time, multiple times per day, we used to discuss after work:
1) how was your day
2) what did you and BM talk about today
When he tried to decrease the conversations she started stalking DH at our home ect.
So we filed for an RO and installed security cameras.
WELL, this past fall, BM started up again, I just went through the phone bills for the last 3 month.
Texting is an average of 189 texts per month!
That's a text every 4 hours or about 6 texts per day.
Not to mention DH is distracted from family time with his texting now.
I gave up, I really don't even care anymore.
I am having the same problem.
I am having the same problem. His BM has always been fine for 8 years!!! Until this past year when we bought a house & got married. It's like she went crazy & realized it's totally over between them. She didn't ruin him enough to make him never want to get married again or something? Idk what it is but its ripping us apart. We're fighting & talking about her CONSTANTLY because of me being unhappy with the situation. My husband would ignore it & eventually stopped telling me when they spoke or had communications bc he didn't want to upset me, but then when I found out it would be 10x more hurtful. She decided she hates me & I took too much "control" of her daughter over the past 8 years (which I did bc she's always been an opioid addict). She's on suboxone now so I think it's making her actually a better mom. But still, I really don't know if I am capable of living in a situation where my stepdaughter's mother hates me and blames me for all of her failures as a mother.
I think that it is the BD job to defend you and put her in her place and create boundaries. It should be worth it to him to be a little uncomfortable because it's your all's relationship that's at stake. I told my husband that. We are still working on it. But it's been almost a year & she still will barely speak to me. I have a lot of responsibility when it comes to her daughter when she's at our house. And I know that really bothers her now all the sudden but I don't know why all of a sudden? All I know is if it doesn't change and I don't start feeling differently about it I'm going to have to be done with this. Good luck to you. I really have no answers because I'm in the same boat. Let me know if you figure out something that helps
This is Exactly what I am
This is Exactly what I am dealing with. Only I think worse. She tries to contact him for random crap... For Christmas and Birthdays she sends him pictures of EVERYTHING she buys the kids. As she's purchasing the gifts or to discuss.. Do you think they will like this or that? or what color ? Like she can't think for herself!!!
Only she has remarried. I think she likes the contact and engagement with my DH. I'm beginning to think he does too. Or he would make it stop.
He says he finds it annoying ~ but it's always about the kids (Which it is not) I responded to her texts a few weeks ago and asked if it was an emergency since my DH was sleeping and If I needed to wake MY HUSBAND up. She told me not to reply to her texts and to have my DH call me when he woke up. Then 30 mins later blew up his phone and then texted how I was mad and refused to wake my DH up. NO... I specifically asked if I should and she decided to lecture me instead.
I would love to tell her off BUT, this would give her ammunition.
I told my DH that I will be responding to her texts an answering his phone if she gets excessive. I think it is the only way it will stop.
I know she does it to interrupt OUR family time. Multiple texts and Multiple calls each day ~ Asking if the kids are ok? Asking If they are having fun... etc. Asking anything and everything. Sending pictures the kids drew when we are not with them.
I just hope me responding makes her stop. I don't think he can or will stop 100%... She makes hm feel guilty... like oh you don;t want to hear about your kids? fine I won't tell you next time If he does not reply within a short period of time.
I can't tell her off. But, I would love to.
She had texted that one of
She had texted that one of the kids twisted an ankle but it was not swollen. I normally would not of texted her or woke him up. But I needed to know if I needed to do so.
It is your marital home too
It is your marital home too so no... it is not entirely his choice. In fact if he does not protect the marital home from interference by his XW he actually abdicates any choice in the matter and he does what you instruct him to do since he failed to deliver on this part of being your equity life partner.
IMHO of course.
And constantly wanting to
And constantly wanting to control what we do with them and feed them and who helps them with school work. Wanting to know our every move.
Healthy Boundaries are put in
Healthy Boundaries are put in place to protect what you value...
you can't do a thing about
you can't do a thing about it... it's all up to DH and if it really bothered him he would've done something about it....
UGH. My personal pet peeve.
UGH. My personal pet peeve. BM has tried sexy-texting SO, but once I caught her, and asked my SO to tell her to never do that again. This was a year ago. She doesnt speak to me unless necessary when I am doing a drop off/pickup. She accused me of being jealous!!! Try having healthy boundaries and respect!!!!
Your DH needs to set REALLY firm boundaries. From reading the above responses, apparently it is super-common. I mean, in my situation, I understand that she is trying to stay relevant in his life. They were together over 20 years, and 2 children. When she cheated, and he threw her out, she began claiming he was unsupportive and "not there for her". Now, this man works hard, supported her, and took great care of the kids (they are spoiled). She chose to throw him away with both hands. So its really weird when she texts about her relationship, and non-kid stuff. I get very "prickly", and last week when she barged into our home cursing at us, I was about to blow a gasket.
But one thing comes through. Bm is a pathetic POS. If she hadn't been such a POS, they would still be together. And once a POS, always a POS.
Discuss with DH, set some hard limits. And then back off. He chose YOU. She is probably realizing what she lost. However HE needs to tell HER to get lost.