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SD14, prom invitation

wreck's picture

SD14 has "little prom" on 06.06. this year. Again, I'm not invited, only DH is.
IN THE COMMENT, IT WON'T POST HERE UGH GRR GRR GRR

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wreck's picture

SD14 has "little prom" on 06.06. this year. Again, I'm not invited, only DH is. He obviously plans to go, and I think he shouldn't miss his daughter's lil prom, but... It still feels wrong that she gets to exclude me like that and he doesn't do anything about it except suggest to her that she invites me, and accept it when she doesn't.
There are no tickets at all - it's an outside event, and ANYONE, literally ANYONE can come, however it's a tradition to invite people, and when they arrive the graduate takes pictures with them, shows them their school photos that are in the school hallway, brings out some of their works they did during school. Anyone can be invited, the number is not limited and she excludes me because she wants to, not because she has to.
I could come there with DH since it's an open event - but that idea didn't even cross his mind. SD demanded something and duh she's gonna get it.
I have many "problems" with SDs right now(as usual), but this kinda stands out because everything is about the prom these days in the family. MIL and SIL came to our home this week, and they COMPLETELY ignored our baby, only talked about SD's prom. DH didn't seem to mind, or even notice.

GameOn's picture

I'm sorry she did that to you. I can understand why your so upset. It would probably really bother me too. Have you talked with your DH yet and explained how this makes you feel? I would hope if you did your DH would sit SD down and tell her that what she did was wrong, it will not be tolerated, and he's taking wreck as his date to her prom.

Jsmom's picture

You shouldn't go to that if she doesn't want you there. Just accept it and do something else that night. SD's are awful. I am disengaged from mine completely and it makes life so much better.

Also, never heard of this one, sounds really stupid. Sounds like another crazy reason to spend money. Wait until the real prom and you won't believe what gets spent.

wreck's picture

I'm not going, but it's just upsetting that she gets to make the rules all the time.

I already can't believe! Sad

mommyof1girl1boyangel's picture

time for a night out dancing with the girls, complete with hair and nails.

hell, dh will be too busy to notice, call in a chip n dale!

}:)

RedWingsFan's picture

Yeah stepdaughters (especially teenagers) are downright nasty. I know mine is.

I agree with Jsmom, on one hand and another part of me says go just to spite her. She is excluding you because of her own selfish reasons but if you go and show her that it doesn't matter what she demands, you and DH are married and will present a united front together, she may back down.

I was just faced with this kind of situation last month. SD14 had an awards ceremony at her school. She texted DH and told him "don't bother coming, I don't want you there". Well, immediately he's like "fine, we won't go" but after thinking a bit, I suggested we BOTH go just to show her that she is NOT our boss, we're the adults and will do as we want regardless of what she says.

We showed up together, she snubbed us. But I bet she doesn't do that shit again!

wreck's picture

But it matters to DH what she demands. doesn't to me, but to him it does. So he accepted to go alone. That's the problem. We're not an united front,he prefers SDs over me.

Shaman29's picture

I'm torn on this because where should your DH draw the line? Or are you going to be excluded from every event like graduation, weddings, birthdays, etc.

Shaman29's picture

And your DH is okay with this?

I kind of get why your heart isn't breaking over this but at the same time I'm uncomfortable thinking your DH isn't standing up for his wife.

Does that make any sense or am I a weirdo?

myspoonistoobig's picture

Prom? DH is lucky he got invited at all. No way I would have ever invited my parents to any dance ever, and I love them plenty.

wreck's picture

no one's invited to the dance, just the "show off" part outside the venue and school.

myspoonistoobig's picture

Okay I get it now..... It's odd for the kid to assume that you and DH don't come as a package to events like that.

wreck's picture

We don't. She knows, not just assumes, that DH will do what she asks him to. "it's her night". everything is hers.

misSTEP's picture

Once again, it is your DH's lack of spine that is allowing everyone who is important in HIS life, to be able to treat you like dog crap. I wouldn't be able to take it, myself.

oneoffour's picture

She is 14. And Lil Prom means pft... nothing. Yes, she is rude and bad mannered. And she has learnt this behaviour form the women in her family including her sisters. I doubt you would have any fun anyway. Sounds as boring as watching paint dry.
Sooo... here is what I would do. Tell DH to have a terrific time because you are getting a load of movies to watch and your friend is coming over and you are having a Girls Night. So him and SD being out for the evening has worked out perfectly!

She does this because she knows it upsets you. When you act like you had better plans and now 'everyone is doing what they want' her arrows will not sting you anymore.
All the money in the world will not make you a good person. That is character trait that comes from within.

Think Kim Kardashian ... she has oodles of money yet she is knocked up by a man who is not her husband and her bf is never at her side. They can pretend all they want that this is the way they want to live. But cut away the money and makeup and clothes and they are still trailer trash. She also made a porn movie. Would oyu like to know your mother once made porn movies????

So live the BETTER life. Find happiness in good things. And find better things to do than want to be friends with such shallow creatures. They make toads look deep thinkers!

Hanny's picture

My SO's daughter did the same thing to me. When we went drove 8 hours to help her move into her college dorm last August, she called us when we got into to town at our hotel and told SO that she didn't want me there. she only wanted SO and BM. Yea, right, but BM's boyfriend was okay to go help. Honestly, I didn't care if I helped or not, but it was just the point that SHE got to make the call. Now that she's 18, has her first BF and first year away at school, all this has really gone to her head. I will give SO credit thought, he went, helped for a few hours with the move in and then left. They wanted him to go out to dinner with them and her roommates parents, but he said NO, I'm going back to hotel and take Hanny out to dinner. We left the next morning without seeing her again. I also didn't get to go to her graduation, this one I think was BM's doing. They only had so many tickets, my SO got 1, but BM and her BF got 4 tickets. BM, BF, SKID sister, and BF's son. And the son didn't even actually go to the graduation. I just BM didn't want me there. So when SKIDS birthday came around a couple of months later I didn't even send her a card, let alone the $50 I usually throw at them for their birthdays. I don't hold grudges, but I don't forget how people treat me either.

Anon2009's picture

I think your dh needs to draw the line. If he doesn't do something now, imagine what graduations and her wedding will be like. I know she doesn't like you, which is fine. I know she's a hormonal teenager who's probably being (sickly) encouraged to behave this way. Being a hormonal teen is fine, and you can't control what others say to her about you. But those feelings shouldn't dictate her behavior.

I think your dh needs to say to her that she may be in a relationship as a gf/so/fdw/dw to a guy he doesn't like when shes older, but he'd never treat him like that. He needs to say that she doesn't have to give a flip about you but must be polite and respectful. And that he'd hate to miss this because of this situation, and sometimes you have to put your feelings aside for an hour or so.

RedWingsFan's picture

DH needs to draw the line. If you are important to him, then he needs to show and express that to SD so she can leave you two alone about it. If he doesn't do that, she is going to continue to think she is in control.
______________________________________________________________________________________________

^^^THIS EXACTLY! Smile

IslandGal's picture

Your DH is failing you as a partner and is being a disney dad. By his actions, he is letting SD know that she can and will always run his life. Why has he even bothered getting another partner? He has no idea how to handle a relationship by the looks of things.

I'm sorry, but I can't see your relationship working if this is his attitude, and he refuses to change it.

You're going to have to decide whether you want to put up with a spineless, gutless wonder of a man or find happiness and freedom on your own.

While he continues to make SD his priority - all relationships will be doomed to fail.

Willow2010's picture

This is what I think I would do. I would tell DH..."You know...since your DD does not really want me around her...I am starting to feel the same. She does not want me at her functions so that makes me not want her at our house. It is hard to open your home to someone who does not like or respect me. Since she obviously does not want to be around me, can you please take visitation somewhere else."