Now I understand ........but I am afraid of what I might do.
Now I get it. How a child can live in your home (40% of the time)recieve all the love and attention you and your husband can muster and then go to his BM and tell her how bad you hate it when you are with them.
(Now keep in mind when I was a youngin and my BM did not like my SM, I would do the same thing. I talked horribly about my SM. And this would make my mom feel better (by securing her position) and yet me more loved- so I thought.?)
And now I get to be on this side and MotherF#ck- Does it hurt!!!! So I feel the need to defend myself- even though I do not have to b/c you all will understand.
My ss is saying he hates me. "What? the only thing he can say is she asks me do my homework, and no snacking right before a fresh cooked meal."
My ss is saying I cry all of the time and this makes him feel uncomfortable. "What the F#(*? I have only cried once around him.?"
My ss states that there is too much cussing at our home. "I hardly ever cuss around the kids. My husband the same. And when I do it is b/c I am upset. Which is usually a Damn. That is all" "but as you will notice (in paragraph #3)when I am beside myself with anger like now I will refer to the cuss word F#CK."
My ss states that I lead others to believe I am his Mother? "If someone states that I am his BM I correct that person, and say that I am his SM always!!!! Then I talk with him about this. I never want to take away from his mother being his mother."
My ss states that my H and I take showers together and that it is disgusting and it makes him feel uncomfortable. "While running late for church one morning, we took a quick shower together. The kids inquired how we got ready so quickly, and we stated that we took a shower together and they laughed and teased us. That was the end of that- or so I thought."
And these friends, are only to name a few. He does not want to come over to our house anymore. BM is trying to push my H and the ss to have some one-on-one time "time that he does not feel pressured?"
It breaks my heart.
I know why he is doing it. I know all to well. But I know I am not supposed to but I do take this personally. I dread the next time, I have to be in this kid's presence. I do not want this child to come back into my home until he has heard from me about my take on this.
He is hurt- I get that. But now I am soo very hurt, and I know hurt people- Hurt people.
What to do? What to do?
- Wifi's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Wifi
I think I know what you mean. I think that something similar is happening to me. I know that Bm thinks that what ever goes wrong or if there is something that she doesn't like or something that ss complains about at our house is ALWAYS MY FAULT. No matter what, I am the scape goat for all of her and ss's problems. I have a bad feeling that when ss goes to Bm's house, they sit over there and have a b!tchfest about all the things that they don't like about me or our house. She probably feels that she can't say anything bad about Dh because he is the father but she is all over me and what I do. I think that that is why ss recently brought up the fact that if we don't let him do what he wants to then he will go live at his mom's. I think that Bm is planting some seeds for thought in ss's head. We haven't proven this but it is our theory.
Even though I try not to take it personal because ss is trying to make his mom happy, it still hurts.
Dawn
It's natural, unfortunately
Kids have a survival instinct built in. That means that if BM hates you, they must hate you, too and tell horrible stories about you in order for BM to still love them. It makes no logical sense, but it's the way it is. We went through a lot of that on both sides, where the kids would come to our house and tell us all kinds of awful stories. They got into the habit of complaining about everything, no matter where they were. We finally put the kabosh on that by saying that there was nothing we could do about things that happened at BM's. We would listen if they needed to talk about it, but we wouldn't offer advice at all. Just, "I'm sorry. That must be hard for you." Of course we told them they should absolutely tell us if something dangerous was happening. Anyway, they still talk about us at BM's house. They've actually told some whoppers. But I think it's getting better. We're doing a lot of family therapy and I think it's easier when they have somewhere to vent.
I guess my only thought is to try and not take it personally. I'm sure your SS really does love you. He's just trying to make sure he's aligned with his BM.
Check out my blog at http://stephaniesplace.wordpress.com