So since I've been on this site I have started noticing things about myself as a sm- good and bad. Overall it is a good thing because i'm learning. Anyway, today I caught myself telling dh, "why do you do this in front of your son?" And I realized that I do say 'your son' a lot. I mean it is true...he isn't my son and I don't mean it in a bad way...at least not all the time! I just consider him DH's son. Just like I consider MIL DH's mom. And that got me thinking about this site. There are posts about some steps not wanting skids in family pictures because skids aren't 'their' family, posts about grandparents not treating skids the same as biosbecause they aren't 'our' grandkids, posts about wanting to do thins with just bios and not steps. Basically about hiw some feel skids aren't part of the family. Some DO say their skids are 100% a part of the family, but for us non-custodials things are different. I'm not trying to start a debate about this but I came to a realization for ME. I realized that I view ss as an extended part of DH's family and not as part of 'our' family. I see SS like I do MIL or BIL- people we see now & then but hve no real influence or impact on my family...like a guest/visitor that we have to put up with eow. (just like I see FIL and MIL,ha!) But the realization came as a shock to me in a way. I guess I'm admitting that I AM one of 'those' who doesn't see SS as part of the family. Whatever reasons I have for that isn't the point now I've always said SS is family but now I realize I've never really considered him that. So I get some posters on here who also feel this way. Whether it is right or wrong isn't the point. Everyone feels differently and has different family dynamics. Anyway, no point to this really other than sharing and 'talking' out loud. Thanks for listening!