need to make their children behave, be respectful and polite and help out more around the house!

Sorry Tired, I'm new to the site and am still trying to catch on to everyone's situation. How old is your SD? Not that it matters. I am just curious because I, too at times, dread when the skids are home and lately it seems to be more towards the SD. She's only 9 1/2 but I can't deal with the attitude and the laziness! I literally can't stand her sometimes and I hate myself for feeling like that! I feel like I pick on her constantly but I can't help it! I have this overwhelming urge to tell her to brush her hair (you'd think she'd have that one down by now!), pick up her things, clothes, etc., put things back in their place when she's done in the shower, empty her backpack, etc., etc. Her famous excuse for EVERYTHING is "I forgot." How do you "forget" to brush your hair?!? Or put on clean underwear every day?!? I swear she would forget to take her head with her if it weren't already attached! ARGH!

It's nice to know that I am not the only one who resents my SD!! I'm sorry you are so stressed an anxious over her coming home but I can understand it completely! Hang in there and keep on venting!

Hello Tired...I too have gone through the same with my SD11. I had to learn to let go after trying to help DH with discipline, clothing, boundries etc. It blew up in my face and DH and I were at each other all the time because of it. I too began to resent SD because I felt she knew exactly what she was doing and knew that DH would not discipline or stick to any punishment. So I chose to let go and let DH handle it all. It is after all his child and she does have two perfectly good parents to take care of her. I have been much happier with my distance and so has DH. He tends to stick his head in the sand with anything negative about SD and will wait until it blows up in his face before he will deal with it. I am not that way and prefer to diffuse issues before they get out of hand. (thus the friction) My advice to you about letting go is to make yourself busy with other things. If SD is coming tonight you may want to visit some friends, or family, do a little shopping etc. I try to allow SD and DH to spend as much quality time together when she visits and I make myself scarce. She is coming to visit him after all, not me. Good luck to you. Keep us posted on your progress.

~Evil

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

i would try this: before she comes do whatever you need to do to get in a good place mentally (mediate, take a long walk, whatever) -- kind of psych yourself up and be compassionate to yourself for what will be a challenging weekend. when she arrives, be friendly, warm but don't engage in any conflict. Let DH discipline, and if (when) he doesn't, busy yourself with something else. Try and strike a balance between being there and not being too 'there' if that makes any sense. running a long errand is a good idea, too! you can't run away, but you can control your exposure to the contentious situations.

I've tried removing myself from the situation but that only works when my kids aren't there, which is only two nights a week. I usually stay late at work or find an errand I HAVE to run. If I get home "too early" I will conveniently find some household chore that I need to do or get on the computer. However, the problems don't go away and the things that send me over the edge still exist. I swear they do them on purpose just to piss me off. How many times can I tell them/ask them to do things? How hard is it to pick up your brush from the vanity and put it in the drawer? The drawer is 6 INCHES (if even)under where the brush was left? So, today I took it. I've told her several times that she is going to lose it if it continues. Although I'm sure that as soon as DH goes looking for it (to help dry her hair or something - I refuse to do it!) it will end up back in the drawer or left on the counter again. I know, it sounds petty but there are six of us living in this house. If we ALL decided that we didn't have to put things away we wouldn't be able to find the sink at all! I don't even use that bathroom and it makes me crazy!! And of course, it makes my kids crazy too because they've heard me ask her thousands of times to do it. Even they come out now and say "SD, put your brush away" (or whatever it is.) I just don't know what else to do to get them to take me seriously!

SD just left to go back to her BM after spending two weeks with us and I let out a sigh of relief when the door shut. Does anyone else out there have a hard time accepting another woman's child into your home? I know this sounds terrible and it makes me feel like a step monster but I really resent sometimes having to deal with this child and her mother in what would otherwise be a perfect relationship with my BF.

When we choose to get into a relationship with a man with an X and child, it seems as if we are expected to welcome the child(ren) with open arms and love them as if they are our own. And if we don't, we must be awful people and unwomanly. I have read many blogs on step-parenting and if someone dares to express anything other maternal feelings for the Skids, it's like blasphemy. They get raked over the coals - after all they're ONLY children and we should automatically have that maternal instinct towards any and all children, no matter what. This site is different in that respect and probably why it's so popular. You can speak your thoughts and feelings and it's accepted and good advice given.

I have been with my BF going on three years now and although I care about SD 6yo, I have not grown to love her yet. I say yet because I have hopes my feelings will get deeper for her. She is a handful and unfortunately is like a miniature version of the X, which makes it doubly hard. I really struggle sometimes, but it does seem to SLOWLY be getting better.