Annoying
For everyone who has both bios and skids around the same age - who finds skids more annoying when it comes to they way they play and interact in your home?
LOL! I'm sure everyone does at times...I'll try to explain....
My bios are home all day with me in the summer. They amuse themselves, are quiet and do not cause a huge mess. They can play and then put it back. They can eat and there won't be a mess. And I can throw them in the car and take them wherever and they don't cause a huge ordeal or complain. I'm not saying they are perfect by any means. I am the first to call my kids out and discipline when necessary and they don't get away with much at all. Even if it is just them at night they will sit and watch a movie with us, have a conversation and when it's bed they go to bed and that's the end of it.
On the opposite side you have skids. They are the same age as bios for the most part. As soon as they walk into the house they are loud, yelling, grabbing and taking whatever they want and creating havoc. They have to be told the same thing over and over. At meal times it's a huge mess, toys everywhere etc. SO sees this and does discipline but it doesn't seem to have the same effect. It's like it goes in one ear and out the other and 5 minutes later it's the same thing. Taking them anywhere is so exhausting.
Here is an amazing example of just how different - younger skids (6 and 7) will still draw on things. Like walls etc. I have had to take all drawing items away and hide them just to stop it. SO although he disciplines will say to me that kids will do that. But my argument is that yes, when they are much younger.
Older skids will kick doors if someone won't open it and think nothing of breaking something. Like screens in the Windows. We can't keep screens because they constantly rip them in one way or another. It isn't intentional but it's because they do whatever they want. And again SO disciplines but it doesn't make a difference.
My thoughts go all over the place as to why....
1. Other people's kids may annoy me more - maybe that's why.
2. They have very little respect for our household due to BMs actions.
3. Adding more kids may compound the effect (but we have had just them (my bios not here) and it's the same.
I am at a loss. When I discipline my bios they tend to not do it again. Or maybe they actually listen I don't know. I do know when SO disciplines skids they have this blank stare that I can only imagine is like is this over yet so we can do it again.
What is your thoughts?
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Comments
I will be honest here. When
I will be honest here.
When the skids were my kids ages, they were much better behaved then my bios with dh. It may be because they were in daycare from 3 months on, so they had rules and had to learn to play well with others. One skid had a mean streak, but not too bad. The other skid, well, is a very well behaved, well spoken, smart kid who looks a lot like my dh. I can't lie, he is a really great kid.
My kids with dh are very physically beautiful, well taken of girls. But they are really really REALLY naughty.
Duplicate
Duplicate
SO although he disciplines
SO although he disciplines will say to me that kids will do that.
Um I have a 6 year old and he has NEVER drawn on a wall or furniture. Never. Because he was taught that you color at the table or kitchen bar area. He also puts his dishes in the sink when he is done eating. Every time. Again because that's what he was taught to do. He always behaves at the store, again because that's what he was taught to do. Is he perfect no... now that it's summer and he's been wearing flip flops, he tends to have 3 pairs thrown around the living room floor by the end of the day, but I tell him to pick them up and put them where they belong. I know eventually I won't have to tell him.
Your DH wouldn't have to discipline, if he would teach and be consistent to begin with. He needs to sit them down and spell out what the expectations are... no coloring on walls or furniture ever. Put your dishes in the sink and garbage in the garbage. Behave at the store, or you can stay home. Remind, remind, remind. There were times I would feel like a broken record with BS6, but kids need consistency and repetitiveness.
But if your DH is anything like my DH, it's much easier to lazy parent... let things slide 42 times because you can't be bothered then flip your shit the 43rd time because you're sick of it. lol
THIS!!!
THIS!!!
Disney Dad not doing anything
Disney Dad not doing anything about the way your SKIDS are behaving. I believe that is your problem.
SS11 and DS5 have a pretty
SS11 and DS5 have a pretty significant age gap, and yet I have the same types of problems you do. (other than the drawing on the walls.) And I freely admit, most other peoples children annoy me, but not s much as SS annoys me.
It's learned behavior so it takes a long time to correct, disciplining helps if it's super consistent. And I've found that you have to try different ways of disciplining to see what works best. Some respond to time outs, others need special events taken, items taken, spankings (if DH believes in it). I still have trouble with SS but it's getting better (after 5 years... :/ )
Sounds like your steps don't
Sounds like your steps don't have any home training. Your kids obviously do. Can't place all the blame on BM for that. They also have a dad who is equally responsible for them and for teaching them another/better way.
Its difficult for kids to be consistent when they have 2 different households that operate differently. Of course they will prefer the lifestyle that they can have their way, do what they want and never be held accountable. Its up to you and DH to uphold the standards and rules at your house.
I'm praying for you, I know its hard! I experience this exact same thing for 10 yrs. Now all of my steps are out of the house. One moved away to college, but she was never with us because we had rules. The other 2 got kicked out for not following the rules.