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step-mommy dearest's picture

sorry guys... i know i JUST posted... but I have a question for all yall!

is it bad of me to get upset when SD wont let me near my SO?!
I mean I cant even lay in the floor next to him without her getting mad at me. I cant hold his hand (she can be holding one hand and me holding the other.. .and she will get between us and hold my hand and his hand)
just little stuff like that, it bothers me... but I try to make myself remember she is only 4 and this is new to her


step-mommy dearest's picture

Sad Thanks for the advice...
do me a favor... look at my first blog.. i want your advice here too! please!

mom2five's picture

I wouldn't feel bad about your feelings.

But I would tell her to move if she's in the way.

caregiver1127's picture

This is a very common trait in a 4 year old girl - my DD would get in between my DH and I all the time when we tried to kiss. I would push her away and say it is important that Mommy and Daddy hug and kiss. It was not until this past June that she finally stop trying to get in between us and push us apart and started hugging us for family hugs. Stepaside is right how your BF handles this is going to dictate the rest of your relationship.

I do feel that you are young to be handling this situation and should be out having fun with a guy who only worries about himself and there is not child involved. Good luck and prayers being sent your way!

Willow2010's picture

I am going to be very honest with you, and this will just be based on the very detail that I have read.

It sounds like you are trying to control the situation way too much. I am pretty sure I would have been the same way. lol

First off, the juice box. To me, that never should have been that big of an issue. Not for a 4 year old with a juice box. I agree it is time to start teaching her things like not being wasteful, but this seemed to have gotten out of hand.

Second, her trying to get in between you and your SO. That is totally normal. However, DH needs to be the one to correct the behavior in a very nice way. That happens in intact families.

Third, her not sleeping alone. Normal also I think for a single person. BUT now that you live there it is inappropriate. And your DH needs to correct that also. It will take time and effort. BTDT. With my own kids. Lol

Forth, and the one that stood out at me…YOU made a new rule for the family. Did you and DH discuss this rule or did you just tell him that you made the new rule. From experience, you really need to discuss these things and not just spring them on your DH. It is his house also and he may want to be part of the rule making process.

Now all that said, I met DH when SS was about 9. We waited for 10ish years before we married and lived together. I thought since SS was 16 and moving, I would never have to deal with him moving in with us. A few months after we married, BM sent him packing to us.

It has been rough, but I am 10 months in and only have 10 more to go. My point is…DH and I would have been divorced if we lived under the same roof when SS was younger. Just these past 10 months has put a strain on our great relationship.

Please tread very careful in this situation. Especially at 20 years old. Good luck!

Willow2010's picture

I still think it is pretty normal for a 4 year old.

I remember, when my bio's were very little, if we were ignoring them and really focused on each other for some reason, then they would try to get in between me and my then DH. It was funny.

They just wanted attention.

reeny511's picture

when my SD11 was 4 she tried to kick me when I was on a swing with her daddy. She missed and I had to restrain myself not to go grab her and beat her little butt!!! I ended up just yelling at her and her dad saying that is not accepable behavior. He was kind of floored since he never saw me act like that. She was always trying to get between us. I couldn't even walk by his side without her trying to come between us. Anyway, after I left him, he saw the light and came back to me saying we could make it work. I told him he needs to tell her he can love me and SD both at the same time and no one was going to take him away from her. It was like a light bulb went off in his head, he finally realized he was going to have a real terror on his hands if he didn't nip this in the bud.

SD is now 11 and I am married to her dad with a child of our own and SD still has some jealousy issues. It never goes away. SD does not live with us so she can't stand that me and BD3 get to have daddy all the time and we get more "stuff". (her words) So good luck girl!