Hatred and disrespect for our relationship
I have been with my partner for 7 years and had a great relationship with skids (then 7 and 5)who came every other weekend, half holidays etc. When it was obvious kids adored me the ex put a stop to contact. We went to court 3 times to get access set in stone but this was breached each time. My partner was getting very little access, and when he went to collect the kids his son would be hysterical and cling to his mother's leg(he was 10)2 years ago his daughter(12) wrote my partner a letter saying she didn't want to come and stay anymore as too scared/tired. Contact by phone became less and less as my partner went into a deep depression.
His ex during the court hearings had made out I'd abused the skids and only wanted them to have contact with their dad at her house/or he stayed in a hotel nearby.
The kids have always had a fabulous time here, have a pet dog and made friends.
Very recently his estranged mother has made arrangements for my partner to visit kids in the fmh with the ex for weekends. She has als told him they will never come and stay again because they hate me.
Please help!
I understand my partner needing contact with the kids, but on his terms in his own home? For him to play her games is unbearable and is respectful of our relationship.
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So, this is an alienation
So, this is an alienation situation, with you as the target. It's BM expressing her jealousy and rage through the kids. I don't think the courts would agree that BM gets to make the decisions here.
What is an FMH?
Thank you for your replies.
Thank you for your replies. However, we are now broke after spending thousands fighting through the courts. The skids are now 14 and 12. Plus my partner is seriously depressed, and is particularly vulnerable after having major open heart surgery where he nearly lost his life.
He still should not cater to
He still should not cater to BM and the kids. In the short-term, he will keep a relationship, but it will be superficial and they will have zero respect for him.
My DH was alienated from my SS for three years - he eventually came back around, though BM ruined him with her emotional abuse.
I can relate my SO went into
I can relate my SO went into a deep depression as well when BM alienated OSD first against me then him. It's been a year and SO went to counseling to deal with becoming estranged from his daughter. SO is much better now, but unfortunately that is because OSD isn't even recognizable to him anymore. She has gone downhill drastically being at BMs and allowed to do whatever she wants. He loves her but cannot tolerate to be around her and is embarrassed by the way she behaves and he does not want her behavior to be a reflection on him.
This is definitely PAS. My 2
This is definitely PAS. My 2 SSs were PAS'd by BM against DH, and I'm sure against me, too. My DH suffered terribly during the years SSs were no-contact. We also endured mettling MIL trying to "fix" the situation.
That's why since SSs indicated a willingness to have contact with him again, DH would do anything to please SSs to avoid another estrangement. It's been exhausting, painful and humiliating, and I personally am backing away. However, I can understand how your DH might be thinking he's willing to visit the SKs on any terms just so he gets to see them. My DH was never asked to do anything so drastic as see the SKs in BM's home (the f.m.h.) Had he been, I suspect he would have offered something else, such as what he did do a couple times, which was to take SSs out to eat and give them their gifts. Your DH needs to take care of himself. Unfortunately, I wish I could say it gets better, but that may depend on how one defines "better." In my case, my DH has a very superficial relationship with SSs and sees them a few times a year, for gift-giving occasions and for the vacation we fully fund.
Emotionally not going to cope
Thank you everyone for your support.
My Partner will do anything to re-instate his relationship with his children(understandably).
His sister went to take the skids out in the summer last year, but the ex had to tag along. My fear is if my partner goes to visit this will happen. I've had so much hurt and disregard throughout regarding his lack of boundaries that the pain is extremely deep rooted. Had we had the strength and finances we should of got the court order breach in place, but my partner couldn't face it. I kind of knew this would happen and tried to warn him but it always ended up with a fight with me being the ogre. I really am so stressed by it all I don't know how to react or what to do. She is playing the game, she ALWAYS gets what SHE wants. She has destroyed my partner on every level, yet I feel he somehow @allows" her to continue in this way. He HATES confrontation. He will not stand up for himself. I have to fight all the time to make the situation fair.
As much as it sucks he needs
As much as it sucks he needs to follow the CO to the letter.
We have been going through something similar for 5 years. We went 2 years without seeing him and almost 1 full year of no contact. It is absolute hell.
BM's like this ruin the kids. As horrible as it is to say, the kids that will eventually come back to your home will not be the loving kids you once knew. There is a resentment that you will be able to feel in the air.
Unless you can go back to court- even representing yourself, over and over and over for contempt- nothing will change.
Contempt of court
Hi,
I agree, thank you.
But my partner says the kids' are too old now and a Judge will just say they can make up their own minds?
He's been playing for time as I bagged him from the start to follow this through. He is a broken man and my pushing just sends him further away.... but now we have this situation.... and who is the loser here?