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HOW SHOULD I FEEL!!!

Rosedeer1's picture

Well if you know my story you know that we have been fighting in court for 2 years and finally my DH won placement of SS who is 4, for those of you following no one was ever the CP because they agreed in mediation to have split custody and placement my ss went back and forth every 3 days until the 9th daycare move BM made and my DH could not watch his son have to adjust to yet another daycare because BM did not like it if the daycare would talk to me. I am a teacher where I live and know a lot of daycare providers they never told me personal things but would talk to me, I am humane. BM hates me and told my DH she would go to court to take his son away from him so he would not be around me, well that blew up in her face and now she sees him once a week and EOW, however she seems to be taking it better than I thought. Recently my DH filled out papers to stop CS eventhough they had split custody and placement he still had to pay her 150 a week, so know her cs stopped because we have the child and I hope she will soon have to pay us, my problem is she wants to keep SS over night on Sun. and it is her weekend, but he is suppose to come home at 6 on Sundays to get ready for school on Monday, he is in preschool that she put him in, not telling my DH, which pissed the courts off. Anyway I have no problem is she needs to change her Wed. night to another night or if she has him when there is no school because she is a secratary at a school so she has some of the same breaks off. But I do have a problem with SS staying the night Sun. so she can take him to school on Mon. Mon. is Mommy day so she wants to take him and I understand that, however the courts want consistance for my SS and a routine, the same routine every night on a school night, my DH told her he would drop SS off to her house in the morning so she can take him, but she was upset and wants him over night. My DH asked me my opinion and he shouldnt have, I think SS needs to be in the same bed every night on a school night, he needs a place to call home, just like the court said, and we are his home, I think it is unfair to change SS routine and BM should just get him in the morning. My DH does not see the problem because we won, so who cares if he stay one extra night, well I feel if the court wanted him to stay the night during the week they would allow him to stay wed.night and they do not he has to come home at 7. Not to mention this order has only been in effect for 2 months and things have already been adjusted before, I think we should stick to the order for the routine of SS, he needs routine and consistancy. Now I know I have mentioned my dislike for BM before but this time it is different, I think SS should spend days with her when she is not working and he has no school but I do not think he should spend a school night at her house, this is not what the court wanted. Why is DH always so easy going, he feels we won so who cares if she gets him, but I feel that there is a reason he won and it is because he is the consistant stable one and not to forget BM appelied the decision so who know what she is writing down when DH lets SS spend extra time with her, probably that DH did not want SS so she got him!!!HELP what do you all think???

Comments

stepmom2one's picture

I think you should stick to the Wed (just a few hours) and EOW. Do this for a few years and let SS decide when he is older if he wants to spend the night or not go at all.

This has situation has caused you so much stress, does your H have any idea how you feel?

stepmasochist's picture

if she's appealing the decision the best thing to do would be to stick to the schedule.

stepmom2one's picture

she probably is. The more overnights your H agrees to the more likley she will get her 50/50 back.

And with her seeming so happy about the new situation it makes me think her attorney is telling her that he will get the custody back. Her attorney probably advised her to get as many overnights as possible to get CS lowered.

imagr8tma's picture

She will be making notes of if she gets extra time. I would stick to the schedule. She needs to show that she is willing to do as the courts has set things.

Seems like they (BAD BMs) are never satisfied or happy with anything.

Dang......

BridgingTheGap's picture

that he needs to stick the schedule for the sake of SS. It's not about who won, its about what's in the best interest of SS. The second things sway away from what's in black and white is where it will get tricky. It gives BM more room to argue and say "well, if we aren't sticking to the agreement anyway, then I should just.. (insert requests to take SS more often here)".

Having SS around is a privlige you and DH have worked so hard for. Don't hand everything back to BM just because DH feels bad about "beating her".

stepmom2one's picture

"It gives BM more room to argue and say "well, if we aren't sticking to the agreement anyway, then I should just.. (insert requests to take SS more often here)".

southernshellgirl's picture

Maybe you should ask DH what would be the purpose of letting BM keep SS that night? If the answer is because of BM's conveinence or feelings, or DH's feelings, then he should ask himself why those are more important than what is best for SS?

Just passing on something the instructor said in the class yesterday.

My thoughts are it is too soon to start making exceptions to the schedule. And it is wise of you to take into account BM appealing the court's decision. It's not over yet.

Good luck.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-