What am I getting myself into?!

I'm so glad I found this site! I have been equally comforted and terrified by everyone's posts!

Question: given the below scenario do you think PAS is taking place, and if yes how does FDH counter it?

SS's (1.5, 4, 5, 7) Have recently been HORRIBLE to FDH. The baby is fine, but the older three are throwing major tantrums, telling FDH he is stupid and that they hate him and don't want to see him. They also say things like "You are mean because you spank us" (He doesn't spank them)

BM is a manipulative wench who tries her damnedest to keep the boys from him (unless she needs FDH for something, of course!)

The boys only currently see their dad 28 hours a week, but that schedule will change to 58/42 in a week.

Thoughts?

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Because of the current

Because of the current schedule (and the fact that I don't live there yet) They don't see me much.

They are respectful to me when I am around, but I think that is more because they don't know me well enough to be sure that I won't kill them if they get out of line.

I am very careful to not really say much to them other than safety related stuff, and I make them use manners when appropriate etc. All other stuff gets taken care of by FH, usually when I am not around.

His kids seem to really like my kids, and my kids don't do the tantrum fit throwing thing and are both pretty mature for their age, so they tend to be better when me and my kiddos are around.

FH SAYS we are on the same page when we talk about things... I am just waiting to see if when he has them more the walk matches the talk.

he has been pre0warned that i

he has been pre0warned that i am not like BM, her mother or her aunt who say "well, sometimes its easier to give them what they want instead of listen to them scream"

I will make an impression that leaves no doubt about what I will not tolerate, the first time, period. If he doesn't like it, that is too damn bad. I will not put up with that crap.

After reading your awesome disengagement stories, I am wondering if I should skip engagement all together!

yeah, it sounds like

yeah, it sounds like PAS...read Dr. Warshak's "Divorce Poison" it will give you a base-line to know what to expect and how to combat it. He also has a video series you can watch with the kids called "welcome back pluto"

talk with SO and get on the same page, he needs to be their parent and not the friend. have rules and consequences and be CONSISTENT!

WOW! 4 SS....that's a lot! :O

What am I getting myself into?!