Explain this to me
DH's birthday was this past weekend. I told him happy birthday, gave him a big ol' hug and told him I loved him first thing that morning. Made sure he did whatever he wanted all weekend, ordered his very favorite food, and even bought him extra birthday gifts.
Puke(sd16) sends him a text saying happy birthday, hope you have an awesome day, and I love you. That's it. She didn't even call him all weekend except for last night in the middle of the night with drama.
After he got her text, he got so emotional and he had a look of utter happiness. Now he was happy with all I did and thanked me many times but I rarely have gotten that kind of reaction from DH to the many thoughtful and selfless things I do for him. Most of the time I do get that reaction is when it concerns Puke.
I'm dumbfounded as to why he reacts so differently. Please shed some light for me.
- over step's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
You met his expectations -
You met his expectations - she exceeded them. That's it.
So what you're saying is that
So what you're saying is that he expects me to do all this wonderful stuff for him so it's not that special and expects nothing of her so when she does do something it's unbelievable special?
Well you show him you love
Well you show him you love him every day. Puke does not. So anytime he gets a little glimmer of hope that she actually cares for him, the heavens open, angels sing.....you get the picture.
I get it. Just don't
I get it. Just don't understand. My thinking is my reaction would be the opposite.
Exactly what I was thinking.
Exactly what I was thinking.
Good stuff, secondplace.
Good stuff, secondplace. That's very insightful.
I didn't mean to make any
I didn't mean to make any comparisons between sd and myself. It was purely intended as background information. I'm just trying to understand his different reactions to the separate signs of affection.
THIS!!! You he can count on -
THIS!!!
You he can count on - and he knows that.
Her he cannot count on. And he knows that, too.
That sounds legitimate. I
That sounds legitimate. I just have mixed emotions about it.
You have mixed emotions about
You have mixed emotions about it because it's ass backward. A spouse's love and adoration is very rarely unconditional and should be appreciated and not taken for granted.
I'm not saying that an offspring's love should be taken for granted but his daughter should love him unconditionally, he is her father. She should wish him a happy birthday, it's what normal offspring do. He should not swoon when she shows him any morsel of affection. It's unbecoming.
My SD24 went years without acknowledging DH's birthday or Father's Day and sometimes she still doesn't acknowledge either one. When she does, DH is surprised but he doesn't act like his lover just called or that she should get a prize. He just recognizes that his daughter did what a decent daughter should do. And then wonders what she wants.
I think Lady has it exactly
I think Lady has it exactly right.
I get your frustration and I would feel exactly the same way. I love giving presents and try to find things that are unique and just perfect for the recipient. I don't think he would, but if my DH showed SD19 more appreciation for a trite present then he showed me for a well thought out one, I would be upset. Intellectually I would understand why he might react that way - but emotionally I would be hurt.
Try and not let it bother you - although I totally get how hard that might be to do.
She's the love of his life.
She's the love of his life. You are a comfortable convenience.
Sounds more like a
Sounds more like a addiction/dependency thing. Of course he loves his kid, but a weekend of special attention from his partner is topped by a text message from his kid? He may indeed be desperate for love and attention from his kid - but IMHO that's what's off here.
I truly believe parents have a duty to love and care for their children. The children owe parents nothing (harsh, I know). But parents choose to bring these new people into the world, commit to a lifetime of care and feeding, and it's not a popularity contest.
If a parent is desperate for love and attention, then they need to address that in therapy. It's not the child's job to care for the parent.
It's hurtful to the child, to the parent, and to the other relationships in the parent's life.
He tells me how I'm the best
He tells me how I'm the best wife ever but for me actions some times speak louder than words. So when he cried and said how sentimental he was after getting puke's text I was shocked and dismayed.
Do I not warrant the same reaction on occasion? Has he just gotten used to all my generosity that it just doesn't affect him so deeply?
I don't doubt he appreciates me. I just need a genuine, heartfelt reaction from him on occasion so I can feel his appreciation.
I'm going to preface this by
I'm going to preface this by saying I haven't not much sleep the last couple of nights so if I come off pissy, hopefully you'll understand.
Whether I should feel this way or not is irrelevant. I am entitled to feel however I feel and express those feelings just as you are entitled to respond how you did.
There was no blame placed on sd or dh. I'm just talking out loud about how that made me feel and what I would have liked to have happened. I'm not angry at anyone. My logical side gets it while my emotional side struggles.
I would never tell DH how that made me feel. I am happy that he is happy so I would not do anything to destroy that. Make no mistake this will be let go. Not because I'm told I should but because I already knew I needed to.
You know, you can ask DH to
You know, you can ask DH to show more appreciation for all that you do. I don't know your dynamics, but I have told my DH at various times that I'm starting to feel invisible and I need more appreciation. For me I like specific compliments. It's really good for me to hear that he sees what I do, he knows how much I do and he knows I do it out of love, and it really makes me feel important and valued when he pays those compliments. It's very good for our relationship and how close I feel to him too.
It's just about you needing to feel valued. Puke or no puke, every partner needs that.
evil tuff says for special
evil tuff says for special occasions you should just text dh while u're right there next to him.
mwahahahaaaa
logical tuff thinks you handled it just fine. focus on your dh, you did what you wanted to do for him. yes his reaction to puke is way out of proportion and i totally would have a hard time trying to make sense of it emotionally. but, meh. that's very sweet of you to give him such a lovely birthday weekend.