It is okay to be not fine. I have had so many very not okay times in the last few years but it was not all that long ago I woke SO up and told him I was not okay I trusted him with some seriously issues that I had to get out, and then I just curled up in his lap and bawled. I cried it all out, I cried out all the cries of feeling like a failure to my kids because I divorced their dad, the fear I'm failing everyone because I ran after a dream and it's almost to fruition, but in the process I may lose our home, and everything else. I cried out my fear, loss, and anger. He held me and stroked me and told me it was okay to be not okay. I have felt so much better, not perfect, still not okay but better, not so scared because it really truly is okay to be NOT okay. It's time for you to tell someone you love your not okay, time to find the person you can trust to let you be not okay and time to ask for help. Time does heal but not overnight and sometimes not without help.
Hugs don't let it weight you down too much find someone to help you carry your load you don't have to do it alone.

I am so sorry for your loss.

People say the most mindless things, mostly to make themselves feel better. I have been through multiple miscarriages, and quite honestly have never wanted to strangle a human being more than I did when I was in the thick of it. My favorite was the old "Everything happens for a reason" line. Really? Tell me then, for what reason did my babies die, when crackheads pop them out every day? It's tough to deal with the aftermath of a pregnancy loss, especially when it seems like everyone around you has easy, wonderful pregnancies. I am a tough person as well, but I cried all the time when my loss was recent. I spent more time hiding in the bathroom at work than actually working, because I could do nothing to stop the tears.

You're grieving, and it's an invisible grief that most people don't acknowledge/recognize. To them, your baby didn't really exist. To you, from the moment you knew that baby was on the way (like every pregnant woman I'm sure) you had visions of a whole life, and that was snatched away from you. It's very real.

Have you considered counseling? I waited far too long to accept that I needed help, and I wish that I had gone sooner. My therapist helped me understand my feelings and work through them.

My heart goes out to you. If you ever want to chat please feel free to PM me. I know of some great online resources that were my lifeline during that time, and probably will be again, as FDH and I will be trying for a baby soon.

Just like Imjusthere said, even people with the "same" experiences won't feel the same way you do. It is perfectly Ok to not feel ok. Your feelings are perfectly valid. I can picture myself having been that way in the same situation. I battled infertility for 4 years, and it was hell on earth. I never once had a pregnancy scare and it sucked, never mind getting as far as you did. I wouldn't wish either situation on anyone. I think it does leave scars behind, even after you are able to move on without crying constantly.

Therapy has been my savior. I go to both group therapy and individual therapy. My therapist battled infertility herself, so I feel that she truly understands me, and she has been my life savior. The group therapy is very interesting because everybody is there with different experiences, and it helps me realize that I really don't have it bad, but I'm not alone with having a hard time with my feelings.